Guess Who’s In Trouble With The Law Again?

“No, not Katt Williams” is what I’m sure you’re all screaming in a sarcastic fake-shocked monotone voice. But the answer is Katt Williams.

According to TMZ, Katt’s trouble started back on June 20th when he failed to show up to a court date in Georgia. Katt was supposed to be there to discuss that time back in April when he was charged with battery after he threw a salt shaker at a manager of a seafood restaurant (and then proceeded to flee the scene and hide out in a Waffle House). Katt was given 10 days to contact the court and explain why he wasn’t there.

After 10 days – and you’ll never believe this – Katt hadn’t contacted them with a reason. That’s when a judge issued a warrant for his arrest. The news of Katt’s latest arrest warrant broke yesterday, and he still hasn’t turned himself in or been caught by police. I believe this is Katt’s third warrant of 2016.

But where o’ where is Katt? The last time Katt was seen, he was dressed like a low-budget Flavor Flav impersonator and calling Tyler Perry a drag queen.

Uh oh. Katt’s fucked up a lot, but coming for Oprah’s favorite guy not named Stedman is a majorly bad move. Maybe Katt didn’t ditch his court date on purpose. Maybe he’s tied to a chair in Oprah’s screening room while her dogs administer eye drops and forces him to watch an advance copy of Boo! A Madea Halloween. I’m sure that’s not happening right now, but…the police might want to check there anyway, just to be sure.

Katt has no excuse for not calling in and explaining where he was. Even if he’s not near a phone, he could have always summoned his gang of witches and had them send a message over to the court in the mouth of a raven or through a Ouija board. There’s no excuse, Katt!

Pic: Splash

Katt Williams Got Arrested Again, This Time At A Seafood Restaurant

It’s been a whole month since we last heard anything about Katt Williams, and I was starting to get a little worried. But there’s no need to send out a search party, because Katt is back and he’s brought an arrest, a new mugshot, and a story that involves beating a dude with a salt shaker and a hide-out at a Waffle House with him. Uh…welcome back? I guess?

TMZ and WSB-TV2 Atlanta are reporting that police were called to a seafood restaurant in Atlanta, GA on Wednesday evening after Katt Williams allegedly started a fight with the manager. Around 10:30pm, Katt and his friends entered the restaurant, refused to wait to be seated, and just took a table. TMZ says that shortly after they broke Restaurant Commandment #1 (“Thou shalt not seat thyselves wherever the fucketh you want unless we sayeth so”), the manager of the restaurant swung by their table and got into it with them for not waiting to be seated. Katt allegedly decided to take the fight to the next level by grabbing a salt shaker and whipping it at the manager’s face. Feel free to make your own “assault with a salt” jokes here.

Katt’s salt shaker caught the manager on the lip and he started bleeding. That’s when Katt bailed. When the cops arrived, Katt was no where to be found. Katt was found a short while later at a nearby Waffle House, where he was arrested and charged with battery. Katt posted bond and was back on the streets around 12:30am.

This story is all kind of crazy, but considering the circumstances, it could have been so much more. Katt had access to all manner of makeshift weapons and a salt shaker was the closest thing to him. If The Butterfly Effect has taught me anything, it’s that if Katt had arrived a few seconds earlier or later, that salt shaker could have just as easily been a lobster tail or a plate of fried clams. But I think the craziest thing about this story is that the actual fight didn’t happen at the Waffle House. Katt Williams and a Waffle House sounds like a perfect storm of messiness.

Pic: East Point Police Department via TMZ

Katt Williams Has Been Charged With Disorderly Conduct For Punching That Kid

After a lengthy and no doubt migraine-making investigation (thanks to all that shaky-as-fuck Blair Witch-looking fight footage), People have confirmed that police in Gainsville, GA decided to charge Katt Williams with disorderly conduct in regards to that child-punching front lawn fight that went down last week. In addition to disorderly conduct, Katt – seen above in far less messier days – is also wanted for allegedly violating the terms of his bond. They chose the disorderly conduct charge because it happened in public, in front of minors, and because he used nasty language.

However, the alleys aren’t safe from Feral Katt’s paws of fury just yet. A spokesperson for the Gainsville Police Department say that there are currently two active warrants out for Katt’s arrest, and that Katt is still at large. They add that they have spoken to his attorney and hope he turns himself in. People says that because his bond has been revoked, there’s a good chance he’ll end up in jail when/if he turns himself in.

As for the kid Katt punched, he’s also in trouble. According to TMZ, Luke Walsh (who is apparently not in 7th grade, but is actually 17-years-old) was also charged with disorderly conduct. Walsh was charged because Georgia considers 17-year-old offenders are considered adults. He was arrested yesterday and is currently being held on $1300 bond.

I wouldn’t be surprised if Katt tries to argue his way out of that disorderly conduct charge by using the dictionary definition of “disorderly” to his advantage. “Your honor, the word ‘disorderly’ means lacking organization. If you’ll please take a look at my recent conduct, you will see that I am very organized when it comes to fights. For example, I get into a fight almost every other week.”

Pic: Splash

Katt Williams Apparently Punched That Kid Because The Kid Was Threatening Him

So remember all the way back to yesterday when Katt Williams reminded us he’s still a giant (not literally, of course) mess by sucker punching an alleged 7th grader? Well, Katt’s friends spoke to TMZ about the incident, and they would like you to know that sucker punch was totally an act of self defense.

According to sources, the fight between Feral Katt and a kitten happened during a soccer game in Atlanta and not Florida, as was previously reported. They claim it started when the kid began agitating Katt, who was minding his own business and sitting against a wall. The kid then challenged Katt to get up and “threatened” Katt by getting real close to his face and putting him in a headlock. Katt responded by punching him in the face. Katt’s people claim that if you look closely, you’ll see that Katt’s hair is all mussed up right before he punches the kid, which is their proof that he had been put in a headlock and was just defending himself.

However, TMZ also pulled out their magnifying glasses and they’re calling catshit on the “It was self defense!” excuse. The full video of the fight has made its way to the internet, and their verdict is that Katt was the first one to get violent.

Katt does appear to have some fucked-up hair happening before he sucker punches the kid, but I think that might be the result of being Katt Williams. TMZ says the police are currently investigating this mess. They add that Katt is currently the target of their investigation, because fighting with kids doesn’t look good when you were just released on bail for an assault charge on the condition that you wouldn’t assault anyone.

Forget the police. Send Jackson Galaxy to Katt Williams’ house to film a special celebrity episode spin-off called My Katt from Hell.

Pic: Wenn.com

Katt Williams Got Into A Fight With An Alleged 7th Grader

Let’s see, we’ve got a 42-year-old man getting his ass kicked by a child on someone’s front yard while a pair of Hello Kitty slippers looks on. If that isn’t a flashing emergency siren alert for Jesus to take the wheel of Katt Williams’ life , then I don’t know what is.

So it appears that Katt Williams is going for some kind of personal best of his personal worst. Thanks to a Facebook user named Luke Dagreat, a video of Katt Williams brawling with what TMZ claims is a 7th grader – yes I said 7th grader – made its way onto the internet. According to the NY Daily News, Katt’s latest catfight happened in Florida (because OF COURSE), although TMZ says it happened in Atlanta. Since it’s Katt Williams we’re talking about, there’s a very good chance it happened in both places. I wouldn’t put it past an expert-level mess like Katt Williams to harness the powers of bilocation as a way to punch people in two places at the same time.

It apparently started after Katt sucker punched a kid in the face. At least he’s going after opponents his own size now, right? The kid, whose name is Luke (I’m assuming it’s probably the Luke Dagreat from above), fought back by wrestling Katt’s ass to the ground and putting him in a headlock. As you can see, Katt was saved by a bunch of bystanders, who eventually pulled Luke off of him. I guess Katt’s gang of ass-whooping witch goons had the day off or something. Here’s the video of Katt Williams brawling with a child:

Katt clearly doesn’t have a Jiminy Cricket or Great Gazoo in his life to advise him on when to shut the hell up, because Katt keeps on talking shit about Luke after their fight ends. Katt, STOP. The only thing worse than getting your ass kicked by a child is getting your ass kicked by a child again. All jokes aside, can someone call up Jiminy Cricket and Great Gazoo and see if either of them would be willing to do the remaining un-punched faces of America a favor by keeping this pocket-sized disaster on the straight and narrow? “And risk getting my adorable face punched in? No way” replied both.

A Woman Claims She Got Beat Up By A Gang Of Witches After Using Katt Williams’ Bathroom

Even for a Katt Williams story, there’s a whole hell of a lot to unpack here, so let’s get right to it. TMZ says that Lil’ Suge Knight has been sued by a woman named Jamila Majesty who claims that two years ago Katt ordered a beat down on her after she used his bathroom. Who knew Katt was so territorial about his litter box?

Continue reading