Lately, Jared Leto has been looking like the pure definition of a fashion victim, and at The Fashion Awards 2016 in London last night, he turned it all the way up. If Jared and his stylist were going for “Willy Wonka after getting a bootleg Beatles haircut and dye job and moving to The Valley to become a sleazy porn producer,” they nailed it hard. That Gucci’d out ensemble just screams, “I’m going to make you a STAH, baby, now let’s go back to my place to sign the contracts….” Trick looks like the orgy baby that every character in Boogie Nights made together.
Well, I guess if you’re going to look like Liberace as seen through the eyes of Terry Richardson, a fashion awards show is the place to do it. And Jared Leto, who is becoming a Fighting The Hot Grand Champion, must’ve gotten sick of hos throwing their coochies and assholes at him all the time, so he turned himself into a walking boner killer by getting a janky bowl cut that looks like it was done with safety scissors. That’ll do it!
Here’s a million more pictures from The Fashion Awards. Come for David Gandy (“You can say that again.” – your genitals) and stay for Donatella Versace serving up Solid Gold Muppet sexiness.
Case in point, former Hot Slut of the Day AND Month and fabulous icon for dogs everywhere GARY FISHER! You know a movie premiere is major event when A-list celebrity dogs are invited. I bet Amanda Seyfried’s famous pooch Finn called up his agent immediately after he saw this picture and barked them out for not scoring him an invite. Gary came with his human, Carrie Fisher, and her daughter, Billie Lourd. Billie has the right idea. Rather than attempt – and inevitably fail – at trying to yank some attention away from Gary, just accept it and guide everyone’s eyes to the true star of the family.
There was also some fabulous non-dogs at the premiere for the Absolutely Fabulous movie too. The premiere was held earlier today in London, of course. And if there’s anything I know about British people, they are really good at bringing ten tons of tacky glamour to an event. Let’s take a look at some of the best, shall we?
Yesterday, The Daily Mail reported that Kate Moss had broken up with her 28-year-old boyfriend with the soap opera villain name, Count Nikolai von Bismarck, and was currently catwalking her 42-year-old business all over the 18-year-old son of the director of Love Actually. Neither Kate nor her teenage maybe-boyfriend Jake Curtis had confirmed that they were dating. But something must have happened last night, because as of today, that DM article about Kate and Jake no longer exists. I knew Kate could make a white line disappear in the blink of an eye, but she may also have the power to make stories quickly vanish too!
And as you can see, Count Nikolai von Bismarck appears to be back in the picture. Last night was the launch of Kate’s new clothing line and she brought Count Nicki as her date. Kate’s clothing launch was held at the Chiltern Firehouse Hotel, so I figured that maybe Kate had to bring Count as her date because her other boyfriend was too young to be in a bar. But then I did a little research and discovered that the legal drinking age in London is 18, so technically she could have brought him. Maybe she had to bring Count because she needed someone who had at least a couple of years of alcohol tolerance building under his belt and could watch out for her when she inevitably gets drunk and stumbly. Always bring a date who won’t get drunk off of one beer and can make sure you don’t end up riding down a staircase on your ass.
Here’s more of Kate and Count at her fashion launch last night, as well as some of them leaving the Chiltern Firehouse the next morning. I don’t know if Kate is wearing an outfit from her new clothing line, but if she is, then I’m interested. 1979 banquet hall bandleader is always a good look.
Kate Moss might have a new boyfriend in her life, and when I say “boyfriend“, I mean he is literally two birthdays older than what the UK’s age of consent laws technically consider to be a “boy.”
Who cares if Ricky Martin’s shirt looks like it’s covered in flattened cockroaches and stepped-on bunny poop? Who also cares if Ricky Martin’s face looks like it was reupholstered in pieces cut out from the sun-damaged leather Levitz couch my tia kept on her backyard patio for years? Who cares about any of that? I doubt Ricky Martin gives a fuck , because he’s too busy humping on his hot new piece.
I’m going to preface all this by saying that I love skiing, grew up skiing, still ski and so therefore know full well that one small mistake can result in a serious injury. Having said that, when God gives you a story that writes its own cheap coke jokes, you take it.