The cops were called on Jon and Kate Gosselin (Kate is pictured above with the president, because why the hell not) TWICE this month. And, unfortunately, it wasn’t just for expected shit, like Jon breaking into a storage facility looking for the remaining global supply of Ed Hardy t-shirts.
If you want to embarrass your children, drop them off at school wearing a muumuu and a mud mask. If you want to scar your children for life, pick them up from school wearing a full Freddy Krueger costume and carry a boombox blasting The Circle Of Life at full volume. No matter your ultimate goals for your child, what you should never do is have the cops break up an argument over the never-ending custody problems between you and your ex in the middle of the dentist’s office.
Sadly, as we all know, Jon and Kate Gosselin have already spoiled any chance they have of winning the title of Parent of the Year, so I guess they figured they had nothing to lose.
Jon and Kate Gosselin are like the roaches you see scattering around the kitchen that come out to taunt you with their existence every now and again. These mu’fuckas just refuse to call the time of death on their “celebrity,” because Kate is still pimping the kids out on TLC and Jon is now a stripper.
Yes, I know, you need a moment to go grab the lotion of your choice because the mental image of his pasty, busted biscuit can shaped body gyrating for the masses is setting your loins to BROIL. Well, unfortunately for all of us, Jon is more of a cock tease than the girl in high school who only gives out hand jobs.
For the past several years, Jon Gosselin (seen above with his look-alike brother) and his ex-wife (and high-class hair pioneer/career harpy) Kate Gosselin have worked out a custody agreement so that their 8 kids have visitation with him while she has full physical custody. Every once in awhile, Jon seems to pop his head out of his Ed Hardy-lined gopher hole to tell the world that he wants more time with his kids. Unfortunately for him, it seems the feeling isn’t entirely mutual and his 15-year-old twin daughters Mady and Cara hit him with a very public “No Thanks” back in August. But Jon won’t let that stop him from trying to get joint custody.
Kate Gosselin’s “irate Bath & BodyWorks customer” hair from the Jon & Kate Plus 8 days might be long gone, but the awkward awfulness between her and her ex-husband Jon Gosselin lives on. The latest real-life episode of Jon & Kate Still H8 Each Other happened earlier this week, and of course it’s a mess.
The last time I wrote about Jon Gosselin’s living and job situation, he was working as a waiter and living in a cabin in the woods. Jon was fired from his waiter job last May because he didn’t show up to a lot of his shifts and he was always late. Jon later got a job at a credit card company and moved out of his cabin in the woods and into an apartment. But now UsWeekly is saying that he might soon be living in a tent made out of Ed Hardy t-shirts, because he doesn’t have a job anymore and his ass got evicted. Kate Gosselin’s plastic face just moved for the first time in months when she smiled and let out a high-pitched HAHA.
I guess shitting on the mother of his ten million kids to the tabloids doesn’t pay as much as it used to, because UsWeekly’s source says that he fell behind on rent and was kicked out of his place. Jon also broke up with the crazy trick he was on Couples Therapy with. Jon worked in IT before reality TV destroyed his life, but he says he can’t find a job in that field anymore. The source says that bad financial decisions (cut to the giant pile of Ed Hardy shit in his closet) are to blame for why he’s broke. A different source tells E! that he still doesn’t pay child support, but he sees his kids. Jon moved into a new place, but it’s way too small to fit his mountain of children.
“The saddest part of it is he now has nowhere to take the kids. He’s not allowed at the house, so he was taking them to his old apartment. But the new one is too small for eight children. It’s heartbreaking. Jon has asked friends for help, but no one wants to lend him money because they don’t see how he’d be able to pay it back.”
But you know, if you ask me, going from partying on the S.S. Douche with a French piece of fried salmon jerky to living in a studio apartment in rural Pennsylvania is an upgrade. If he needs a place to fit all of his kids, he can rent one of those U-Pack PODS for cheap.
Why do I have a feeling that the year 2007 is about to regurgitate on our eyes? TLC is only giving Kate “specials” and she’s hard-up for a full show. Jon is hard-up for cash. So I expect them to join together again to star in a reality show about two crazy divorced bitches living under one roof. Jon will once again have enough money to wine and dine his skanks and Kate will have another child to terrorize.
And if the tortured and mangled possum that used to live on Kate’s head comes back, it’ll really be like old times!