We all know that when it comes to dressing for the Oscars, everyone takes it very seriously. They put on a tux or fancy gown that definitely didn’t come with a check attached to the garment bag. Most of the time the result is a one-way ticket to Zzzzzz town (see: a good 75% of the looks from last night). But then everyone gets to let loose at Vanity Fair’s annual Oscar afterparty and put on what they really want to wear (see: The Gold Standard). Like many people at the Vanity Fair party, Diane Kruger wasn’t at the Oscars and she showed up wearing that.
Lately, Jared Leto has been looking like the pure definition of a fashion victim, and at The Fashion Awards 2016 in London last night, he turned it all the way up. If Jared and his stylist were going for “Willy Wonka after getting a bootleg Beatles haircut and dye job and moving to The Valley to become a sleazy porn producer,” they nailed it hard. That Gucci’d out ensemble just screams, “I’m going to make you a STAH, baby, now let’s go back to my place to sign the contracts….” Trick looks like the orgy baby that every character in Boogie Nights made together.
Well, I guess if you’re going to look like Liberace as seen through the eyes of Terry Richardson, a fashion awards show is the place to do it. And Jared Leto, who is becoming a Fighting The Hot Grand Champion, must’ve gotten sick of hos throwing their coochies and assholes at him all the time, so he turned himself into a walking boner killer by getting a janky bowl cut that looks like it was done with safety scissors. That’ll do it!
Here’s a million more pictures from The Fashion Awards. Come for David Gandy (“You can say that again.” – your genitals) and stay for Donatella Versace serving up Solid Gold Muppet sexiness.
On The Graham Norton Show last week, Kate Beckinsale briefly talked about what it’s like working with Michael Bay on Pearl Harbor. Kate said that she was told that if she got the role of a 1940s nurse she had to work out, and she pointed out that Michael Bay told reporters while pimping out the movie that he cast her in the role because she’s not so attractive that she’d alienate female movie goers. On a Michael Bay scale from ten tanks exploding in a row to ten tanks exploding in a row as chicks in bikinis wash Ferraris, that story was somewhere in the middle. It’s not the most Michael Bay story I’ve heard. It’s not like he asked Kate Beckinsale to shoot a scene where she ripped off her nurse’s uniform and while she used it to stop an injured patient’s wound from bleeding, the camera got a close-up of her ass in a white lace thong. Watch that scene be in the 20th anniversary DVD of Pearl Harbor.
The fun house mirror David Spade (and yes, I would) defended himself on his site by saying that yes, he asked Kate to work out, but he claims most actors filming an action movie need to work out. Michael Bay didn’t deny saying what he said about Kate to reporters, but he did say that they’re totally friends.
Kate Beckinsale was on The Graham Norton Show (via People) over the weekend, and she got into what it was like working with zen dildo in linen pants Michael Bay on the movie Pearl Harbor. Kate said that when Michael Bay took one look at her, he basically malfunctioned before going, “Tits too small, hair too brown, does not compute!”
Back in 2001, there were whispers that Ben Affleck was rubbing his gambling bits against his Pearl Harbor co-star Kate Beckinsale, who had just called it quits with her long-term piece Michael Sheen. Ben and Kate never confirmed they were fucking, and it didn’t last very long, on account of Ben getting with Jennifer Lopez and Kate hooking up with her future ex-husband Len Wiseman on the set of Underworld.
However, there are some people who still really, really want to see Ben and Kate together again, and those people are Ben and Kate’s busybody friends. And according to The Sun (via Daily Mail), there’s a chance that shit might happen. The Sun says that Kate started talking to her former fuck buddy shortly after her 11-year marriage bit the dust a couple months ago. Right now, recently-single Kate is reaching out to less-recently-single Ben for “support“, but their friends are hoping she starts reaching for his crotch.
“Kate used to be madly in love with Ben. He would make her giddy with excitement any time they were in the same room. Some of their friends have suggested that they’re made for each other and should give a proper relationship a go.”
Another source tells the Daily Mail that Kate probably shouldn’t put her pussy on hold for Ben, because he’s busy with work and being a dad to his three kids.
We’ve already gotten a “JLo still has the hots for Ben” story, and now we’ve got a “Kate Beckinsale still has the hots for Ben” story, which means it’s really only a matter of time before we get a “Gwyneth Paltrow still has the hots for Ben” story. I can practically picture it now: “A source claims Goopy has replaced her $950 cooze wipes with an organic bidet spray made from playing cards, dirty carpet, and booze to mimic the scent of a casino in an attempt to lure Ben back.”
Not pictured: Volunteers from UNICEF who are standing by with jugs and waiting for Salma Hayek’s suffocating tits to explode so they can collect her miracle chichi leche and feed it to dozens of starving orphans.
Last night in London, Salma Hayek went to something called The Evening Standard Theatre Awards and I bet that the people who went to that event couldn’t even tell you who won awards or what happened. The only thing they remember is Salma Hayek’s squeezed honeydew titty sacks. Salma Hayek’s magnificent chichis will make a ho forget everything.
Thanks to that ugly clown collar, Salma’s tits look like two face-less babies in bonnets sleeping next to each other. They also look like overfilled water balloons lying on a table and the next time I’m at a family party and see overfilled water balloons lying on a table, I’ll have to resist the urge to motorboat them.
And here’s more pictures of Salma Hayek’s TITS as well as pictures of Keith Urban, Nicole Kidman, Kate Beckinsale and Ralph Fine-ass looking like the most charming flasher ever.