Kate Major may have married into the Lohan family after becoming half of an unholy union with Michael Lohan, but it’s like she was destined to be a part of their messy, messy bloodline. The Blast is reporting that Kate got into some trouble again, this time with a bus driver.
I’m sorry everyone, the world’s most relevant and inspiring couple, Michael Lohan and Kate Major Lohan, have broken up. Tragic! Does true love even exist anymore? First Lil Xan and Noah Cyrus and now this? My heart just can’t take it.
The Blast is reporting that Kate filed papers in Florida yesterday to legally make her a divorcee, claiming that the four-year marriage was “irretrievably broken”. I think Michael Lohan has a few relationships in his life which can be described as “irretrievably broken”.
Kate Major landed herself in some hot Lohan-scented water (it smells like jail and clipped cigarettes) back in October for pulling her usual stunt: getting sloppy drunk and attacking an authority figure. This time the figure in question was a cop. In The Idiot’s Guide to Fucking Up they call this “El Clasico.”
Last we heard, Kate and Michael lost custody of their boys, 3-year-old Landon and 1-year-old Logan, and his mom Marilyn Lohan had flown to Florida and became their temporary guardian. According to TMZ, Kate got into some Lohan-level messiness on Saturday while dropping her sons off at Michael’s house in Florida. After Kate dropped the boys at their daddy’s house in Florida, Kate dropped herself off at a neighbor’s house for a drink. Sources say that when Kate left said neighbor’s house, she was as drunk as Dina Lohan after finding a Parent Trap residual check that fell behind the couch. Kate was about to get in her car and drive home, but Michael grabbed her keys and refused to let her drive. I’m sure you can already see where this is going.
It took them only two years, but last week the Florida Department of Children and Families snatched away Michael Lohan and Kate Major’s little sons after finally figuring out that these two train wrecks shouldn’t be allowed to care for a rock, let alone two human children. Michael and Kate’s sons, 2-year-old Landon and 10-month-old Logan, were put in foster care overnight before his mother Marilyn Lohan flew in from Long Island to be their temporary guardian. The ghost of The Situation’s future and broke down Tara Reid went to court in Florida today to try to get their boys back. It didn’t happen. Marilyn Lohan now has custody of them.
The Lohans have been one of America’s first family of fuckery for a while now and those wrecks aren’t slowing down anytime soon. Lindsay Lohan is pathetically flashing a fake engagement ring for attention. Michael Lohan Jr. got arrested in NYC for allegedly using a fake “executive branch” place card on his car. And now Michael Lohan got his kids taken away by the Florida Department of Children and Families. White Oprah is not going to let them get all of the shine and I expect her to show them all up by stealing an orphan before drunkenly crashing into a jewelry store with a fake handicapped permit on her car.