Back in the day (in my head), you could stick a piece of coal up one of the buttholes of Taylor Swift’s exes and watch it turn into a diamond from them clenching so hard with anxiety over what she wrote about them on an upcoming album. An entire Zales line came from John Mayer! This time around, though, the clenching is coming from all the meanie ex-friends who wronged Miss Swift! Continue reading
“Look What You Made Me Do”, the video that has made its director Twitter’s most active troll (ok, second-most active), has dominated conversations since it dropped due to whether or not it was a rip off of Beyoncé or whether its alleged targets, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, even gave a fuck. It’s been two weeks, so Taylor Swift has to do something to keep her fans thirsty for more, so why not drop a totally authentic behind-the-scenes look at the making of the video. Continue reading
Forget about what you’ve heard. Taylor Swift has definitely, absolutely, 100% not grabbed her Miss Cutie Craft squiggle-blade craft scissors and cut Karlie Kloss out of her life. Pay no attention that shirt you’ve heard of. No, not the one she’s selling for $50 and makes Tom Hiddleston feel deeply embarrassed at his life choices. The other one.
That memory you have from yesterday of you deep throating two charbroiled hot dogs as your friend lit a sparkler that was stuck in your asshole in the name of freedom is just a figment of your imagination. That didn’t happen, because Fourth of July didn’t happen. There were no fireworks. There were no BBQs. There was no family party where your auntie got drunk on Svedka and La Vie (aka Aldi’s bootleg La Croix) while dropping it low on the concrete patio to Night Ranger’s (You Can Still Rock) In America. None of that happened yesterday because Fourth of July got canceled since it seems like Taylor Swift didn’t throw her annual Taymerica extravaganza. Every bald eagle is probably drowning in a puddle of their own tears while in the fetal position on the ground somewhere.
The strange thing was that everyone wasn’t told to go home as soon as this feathery vision of dusty pink gluh-moore whipped his boa train on the carpet. Why even bother going on with the 2017 CFDA Awards when it was already shut down by an exquisite bejeweled pink ostrich? I’m sure that is a question that fashion professors will ponder with their students for years to come.
Here I was thinking that the most shocking thing to happen to me today would be the fact that I didn’t immediately try to shove my entire head into a turned-on garbage disposal after I discovered that I was out of coffee this morning. (I kept it together and snorted some green tea instead.) But that moment has been outdone by the fact that I’m sitting here praising the fashion stylings of Kristin Scott Thomas of all people!
I don’t think I’ve ever written a full post on Kristin Scott Thomas, but I’m breaking my KST cherry to slow clap for the crazy rich auntie look she worked at The Naked Heart Foundation’s Fabulous Fund Fair in London last night. That charity event is a big carnival, so Kristin Scott Thomas went with the theme by doing herself up as a fortune-telling Florence Welch who was styled by Edina Monsoon (as GoFugYourself pointed out). Kristin Scott Thomas also looks like that girl from Brave after she grew up, moved to Palm Springs and opened up a mid-century antiques furniture store.
And those people in the background are frozen because they saw all that red hair and thought that Jackie Stallone was in front of them. They’re starstruck, obviously!
And here’s more from last night including pics of Karlie Kloss and Liv Tyler who obviously thought the dress code was: BASIC AND BORING!