In your daily dose of “Well, DUH,” Kylie Jenner has finally come around to admitting what we already knew: her ass wouldn’t be rolling around in all that cosmetic coin if it weren’t for a little boost known as Kris Jenner. It seems like it was just yesterday when Forbes farted out a cover declaring Kylie as the youngest “self-made billionaire” ever – even beating out Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg. Now, most of us figured Forbes was using “self-made billionaire” as a euphemism for “got rich because her mother made her hawk lip kits and sponsored slim tea ads on Instagram.” Alas, they maintained she fit their definition, and even Kylie tried to defend the claim. But now there’s a new season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians to promote, so she’s going to change her tune so as to not piss too many people off and drive the ratings even lower.
That was fast. Before we could clean the panting hot breath marks and sticky palm prints off the inside of our car windows after hearing that Khloe Kardashian (in wax above) was “in contention” (AKA anywhere from completely fabricated to already inked), to be the next Bachelorette, the rumor has been shot down. According to Khloe’s Momager Kris Jenner and
protective moral compass big sister Kim Kardashian, Khloe as the Bachelorette is a no go, which is a shame, since she clearly can not be trusted to swipe right on her own.
A psychedelic Pterodactyl took a dump on Kanye West’s head. But he had to be in the right place at the right time for that to have happened, and I think we all know who pushed him under that bird. When there’s trouble brewing at the Koven HQ, the Koven gets to work. Nothing begets attention like more attention, maybe that’s why in the wake of the news of Khloe Kardashian and Tristan Thompson’s marriage imploding, Kanye’s out here frowning for the paps, sporting a faddish new do. While the new hair could be attributed to spontaneous opportunism, Kanye’s daughter North West’s first magazine cover and spread could have been planned in advance to coincide with Tristian’s infidelity storyline.
Jon Bon Jovi recently got talking about fame and reality TV with Australia’s The Sunday Project (via Entertainment Tonight). And let’s just say Jon would rather wake up one morning with his hair in a feathered perm full of mousse and frosty box highlights than spend 60 seconds of his life watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians.
Jon admitted that he’s not a fan of today’s famous-for-no-apparent-reason culture.
“I think it’s horrific that we live in that world and I can tell you I’ve never given 60 seconds of my life, ever, to one of those Housewives of Blah Blah and Kardashians. I don’t know their names, I’ve never watched 60 seconds of the show, it’s not for me. What’s gonna be in your autobiography? ‘I made a porno and guess what, I got famous.’ Fuck, sorry, I’ll pass. Go and write a book, paint a painting, act, study, sing, play write. Fame is a byproduct of writing a good song.”
First of all, be more specific, Jon. The Housewives of Bla Bla could literally apply to any series in the Real Housewives franchise, and it actually sounds like one with a really great reunion episode. Second, a talented adult performer makes a porno; Kim Kardashian made a sex tape. But it’s really too bad that Jon Bon Jovi doesn’t realize how much he has in common with Kim. Slippery When Wet is both the name of a Bon Jovi album and the sign they put out whenever Kim gets oiled up for a photo shoot. And I’m willing to bet that if any of Jon Bon Jovi’s middle-ages lady fans ever got their hands on a magic lamp or monkey’s paw, the first thing they’re wishing for is a porno starring Jon and Richie Sambora.
Mostly, the MTV Movie & TV Awards will give their Movie of the Year award to something shitty but popular (example: the Twilight saga sweeping the category from the years 2009 to 2012). But sometimes the stars align and MTV is able to give the award to a movie that is both good and popular, and this year was one of those years. Black Panther ended up taking home a bunch of awards.