Four months after Kim Kardashian was robbed at gunpoint in her apartment in Paris, several photos and a surveillance video of the night of the robbery have been released. The crime scene photos and surveillance video were released by French news channel TF1 yesterday. Google translate broke it all down into English for me, but it still made about as much sense as a note written by Kanye West. So I moved on over to TMZ‘s coverage of the story. They say the pictures show Kim’s bedroom, a roll of duct tape used to bind her, and what appears to be the piece used to gag her. There are also stills from the surveillance video which show the alleged robbers meeting at a cafe several times after the robbery.
Kim Kardashian Robbery Crime Scene Pics Surface (PHOTO GALLERY) https://t.co/MLX3CiqvYA
— TMZ (@TMZ) February 19, 2017
I knew those alleged jewel heisters were old, but they look really old. That’s like Ocean’s Taking Eleven Different Pills for Arthritis old.
Video of the alleged robbers getting away on bikes was released shortly after the robbery, but now we know what they did after they got away. TF1 also aired a reenactment of the robbery, which sounds tacky and exploitative and I’m sure Kris Jenner loved it and requested a hundred copies of it.
The French report also states that the alleged thieves used code words and code names over the phone while discussing the robbery. They don’t say what Kim’s code name was. This is the information we need to know. Was it “Dame Derrière“? “Visage Plastique“? “L’Ancienne Assistante de Paris Hilton“?
Here’s Kim and Kanye going out for dinner on Saturday night in Los Angeles. Kim wore track pants and a fur coat (gotta stay loose and warm after your latest procedure), and Kanye wore a coat made from the wallpaper in your aunt’s powder room.
It looks like Kanye West will never be invited to a slumber party at the White House, where he and his one-time BFF, Donald Trump, would crank call the Australian PM, toilet paper Nancy Pelosi’s office, take selfies with the nuclear button and color each other’s hair using the imported piss of a Russian hooker. Because Kanye is done with Trump.
Kanye West’s last New York Fashion Week show was a huge mess. It was held on an island, it started two hours late, half the models nearly met their maker after standing in the hot sun for so long. That should have been enough for the Council of Fashion Designers of America to pull a Kanye and inform him that maybe he doesn’t need to show up for the next NYFW. But Kanye is showing his fifth collection of overpriced hobo Spanx for Yeezy on February 15th. And guess what? Kanye made things messy.
I learned that the Grammys were meaningless years ago when they failed to honor the musical artistry of the Spice Girls. How can I take a musical awards show seriously when they don’t give one nomination to the Beethoven, Mozart, Bach, Chopin and Vivaldi of our time? (Actually, that’s not a fair comparison. Beethoven and them never produced anything as artistic as “zig-a-zig-ah.“) Apparently, Kanye West and Justin Bieber have figured out that the Grammys are out-of-touch and will not grace the ceremony with their presence next month. Forget about the world crumbling into the gutter right now, the real reason why our cheeks are covered with tears today is because Kanye and The Biebs aren’t going to the Grammys. How will we ever find the strength to go on?
When the piss-haired egomaniac met the piss-haired egomaniac at Trump Tower in December, many of us guessed that Donald Trump was either going to offer Kanye West a cabinet position (Secretary of the Interior, because Kanye is into interior design and shit) or ask him to perform at the inauguration. Neither happened. I figured that Kanye wasn’t ask to perform at Trump’s inauguration, because he’s just not a big enough star to join the A-list extravaganza that includes an America’s Got Talent runner-up, Tony Orlando and 3 Doors Down. But it turns out that Kanye wasn’t asked to perform because he just doesn’t fit the “traditionally American” vibe that organizers are going for.
One of Kim Kardashian’s favorite Paris chauffeurs is off the hook after getting arrested, along with several others, on Monday in connection with Kim’s jewel heist. TMZ says that the driver, Michael Madar, has been released from custody without being charged. Michael, seen above holding an umbrella in an attempt to keep Kim from melting, was arrested along with his brother Gary Madar.
Michael and Gary sometimes drive the Kardashians when they come to Paris, and Michael was the last person to drive Kim before she got robbedy. Police thought Michael might have been in on the suspected inside job, but the company he works for, UNIC Worldpass, tells TMZ that he was in custody for testimony purposes only. Gary Madar, on the other hand, might be a different story. The Daily Mail says he’s still in custody.
The police are still interrogating the robbers, but it sounds like one thing they might be giving up on is finding Kim’s gaudy jewels. Sources tell TMZ that Kim’s legal team has been told by police that her jewelry – including the $4 million diamond ring Kanye West gave her – is pretty much le gone. Police claim that most robbed diamonds are shipped off to Belgium and then disappear. I’m sure Kim and Kanye don’t really care. After all, having Kim covered in millions of dollars worth of jewels would really klash with the “pretend poor” aesthetic they’re going for on social media.