Makers of extra wide coffins, it’s your lucky day. Because David Byrne is going to buy one, so he can put on his signature Stop Making Sense blazer, get into it and roll after seeing the latest foolery-wrapped stupidity that Kanye West delivered.
Kanye was the creative director of last night’s first ever PornHub Awards, and they asked him to do it after he declared his love for them on Jimmy Kimmel Live! not too long ago. Please, we all know that Kanye doesn’t get off to PornHub. That’s impossible. The only porn site he visits is KanyeHub and it’s nothing but videos of himself jacking it to videos of himself jacking it. Kanyeception. But part of his job as creative director was to provide fashions for the presenters. The bad news for the presenters was that the fashions were uglier than a Kim Kartrashian kry fest. The good news is that the fashions were made out of rubber, so the porn stars can later put them to good use by cutting them up to make dick wrappers.
During last night’s PornHub Awards, Kanye also butt-squirted up the video for I Love It, which stars Lil Pump and one of the Queens of Comedy Adele Givens. You really only need to watch the first 10 seconds of this mess, because it’s really the only watchable part. It’s Adele Givens doing her thing while dressed like a nurse from Wonderland. The rest of the video is filled with Lil Pump and Kanye calling us fucking hoes and triflin’ hoe bitches while looking like Lego Men on the wrong kind of LGH (Lego growth hormone). Kanye does call himself a “sick fuck” in this video, so he got that right.
They look like sofas from HELL. So with that being said, they need to have a seat on themselves.
If you’ve listened to much Drake lately, it wasn’t exactly hard to figure out something had been irking Wheelchair Jimmy, er, Champagne Papi about Kanye West. We told you yesterday that the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drews of Twitter think Drake is singing about good neighbor-boning Kim Kardashian in “In My Feelings,” which she has denied. He also is said to have a line in an upcoming track with French Montana that goes, “I told her don’t wear no 350s around me.” Fucking Kim is one thing, but shitting on Yeezys is just playing dirty, Drake! Kanye appears to agree and has issued an apology to try and settle shit.
We’ve known for a while that Twitter is populated to the hilt with a bunch of Detective LaToyas, and the magnifying glasses have been out in full force since Drake dropped “In My Feelings,” a song that begins with “Kiki, do you love me?” and basically says, whoever Kiki is, she’s been taking a ride on the Drake D. One user thinks Drake has been singing about Kim Kardashian, but Kimmy – for once – told people to not believe the hype.
Earlier this month, Kanye West was on Jimmy Kimmel Live! where he talked about a lot of shit. Most of what he said was the generic Kanye non-sensical garbage: stupid philosophical questions with no basis in reality, how amazing he is at design, which we all know is the god’s honest truth, his admiration of Donald Trump, yada-yada-yada. But Kanye was stumped when asked about Trump:
“You so famously and so powerfully said, ‘George Bush doesn’t care about black people’. It makes me wonder what makes you think that Donald Trump does, or any people at all?”
Ye stared at the ceiling hoping for an answer. When one didn’t descend and enter his righteous mind, Jimmy moved on to commercial.
Well, Kanye finally had enough time to think of his answer (a whole month) and he was ready to talk about it on 107.5 WGCI in Chicago. This is the same interview where Kanye tried apologizing for those slavery remarks. But, if you’re looking for a sensible answer from Kanye West, you are looking in the wrong place.
Kanye West is just full of explanations lately. First he tried (and failed) to explain why he was caught wearing too-small slip-on sandals to 2 Chainz’s wedding earlier this month. Now Kanye’s trying to explain what he meant when he said slavery was “a choice.” You’ll be shocked to learn that he made about as much sense talking about slavery as he did talking about his sandals.
It must be endlessly frustrating for Kanye West to have his highly advanced philosophies and ideas mocked by the uneducated masses. Kanye goes out of his way to learn and borrow from the best, and when he does, he’s met with derision. Take the Yeezy slides he recently wore to 2-Chainz’ wedding for example. Many pointed out that the slides appeared to be several sizes too small for Kanye’s hoofs. Some said he looked like some old head coming straight from the hospital, shuffling on down to the liquor store at 7AM to get a pint of Courvoisier and a couple of loosies. Might have been me, we can’t be sure. Others claimed Kanye’s fashion statement was a stroke of sheer genius. That was Kanye, and Kanye alone. Well Kanye has a message to his critics. The message is you plebes just don’t get it. He was wearing them in the Japanese style.