Category: Kanye West

And Just Like That, Millions Of Christians Decide To Convert To Atheism

September 16, 2014 / Posted by:

After Kanye West told a fan in a wheelchair to stand up at one of his shows in Sydney, he should’ve just said, “Sowwy. *Kanye shrug*,” and moved onto his next act of buffoonery. But Kanye West wouldn’t be Kanye West if he didn’t use a situation to nail himself to the cross and mouth shit out a long-winded stream of cold farts about how the media keeps painting him, an egotistical ass, as an egotistical ass. During his last show in Sydney last night, Kanye queefed up another WOE IS ME rant where he said that the media has the wrong target and he’s a married Christian man. Sorry, Christians, but Kanye belongs to you now and you can’t give him back. No refunds or exchanges! “Well, we had a good run. RIP Christianity 1-2014″ - Paul, Jesus or whoever the founder and president of Christianity is (was)

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So Here’s That Video Of Kanye West Telling A Dude In A Wheelchair To Stand Up

September 14, 2014 / Posted by:

Yesterday, Allison wrote about how egotistical ass lip clamp Kanye West yelled at a fan in a wheelchair to stand up during his show in Sydney on Friday night and now here’s the video. The video is where awkward goes to feel even more awkward.

As Allison said yesterday, Kuntye stopped performing and refused to go on unless everybody in the audience got on their feet. It’s a little funny when the douche who is in dire, dire need of a seat tells everyone to get off of theirs. When some fans don’t get up, Kanye singles them out in front of everyone and demands to know why one fan is not getting up. Kanye keeps asking if he’s in a wheelchair and the whole thing is a cringe-inducing mess. It’s like a parody written by Christopher Guest.

I hate it when I go to a show and the trick onstage is telling me to stand up, clap, sing along, dance, put my left foot in, put my left foot out, etc… Bitch, I paid you. If I want to sit down and sip on my beer while quietly braiding my pubes, then take my money and let me. If I’m going to get up and sing and dance on your command, then you better give me a percentage of the house.

I thought Yeezus was supposed to be the son of God? If Kanye’s going to claim that he’s the chosen one and is a God, then he needs to make sure that the dude in the wheelchair he’s screaming at to stand up is actually a paid assistant who can walk and will jump up and say, “I can walk! I can walk! It’s a miracle! Yeezus healed me! Yeezus is real!Oral Roberts needs to heal himself back to life so he can teach Kanye how it’s really done.

Kanye West Stopped A Show To Demand That A Fan In A Wheelchair “Stand Up And Dance”

September 13, 2014 / Posted by:

We all know that Kanye West has a lukewarm puddle of soggy delusion for a brain (it was a wedding present from his mother-in-law as a way to help him fit-in with the rest of the family), so this story should surprise no one. The Daily Mail says that during a performance in Sydney, Australia on Friday night, Kim’s Kurrent Husband told the audience to stand up and dance and threw a tempter-tantrum when he noticed that some people weren’t obeying King Kanye. HOW DARE THEY! DON’T THEY KNOW HOW IMPORTANT KANYE WEST IS??

Concertgoers claim that Kanye got all kunty when realized there might still be one or two people in the audience who hadn’t stood up, so he stopped the music and announced:

“I can’t do this song, I can’t do this show until everybody stand up. Unless you got a handicap pass and you get special parking and shit. Imma see you if you ain’t standing up, believe me, I’m very good at that”

Sure enough, he located one of the seated persons and demanded to know why they weren’t standing up and worshiping at the altar of Yeezus, to which they held up a prosthetic leg as proof that they weren’t able to stand, a reason Kanye deemed an acceptable excuse. Then he managed to locate the other person in the audience who was still seated and insisted that they get their ass out of their seat and dance, GODDAMN IT. But they remained seated BECAUSE THEY WERE IN A FUCKING WHEELCHAIR.

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Kanye West Was Rushed To The Hospital In Australia Because He Had A Headache

September 11, 2014 / Posted by:

Poor poor precious human Fabergé egg Kanye West. While playing a game of basketball with his entourage (“Shirts vs. Delusional Egomaniacs!“) yesterday in Australia, Kim’s Kurrent Husband got a headache. A HEADACHE! Delicate hand-carved crystal butt plug Kanye Kardashian got a headache! Except he got scurred it might be something more than a headache, like his last rational brain cell trying to escape from the non-stop fuckery that happens inside his head, so he hauled ass to the emergency room.

Australian media originally reported that Kanye Kardashian had suffered a seizure or seizure-like symptoms, but E! News says it’s not that dramatic. Basically, bitch had a bad headache. Doctors gave him an MRI and told him he was fine and that he just had a migraine. I know migraines are NO JOKE, but this is Kanye we’re talking about, so you know that drama queen was probably rolling his eyes into the back of his head and acting like it was his time to go. “Just a second Jesus, I want to say goodbye to my loved ones. Kim, bring me a mirror.

Kanye is kurrently doing fine; he left the hospital after the doctors gave him the thumbs-up and performed a show later that night.

Obviously Australian doctors are unfamiliar with Kanye’s wife, otherwise they would have known that he wasn’t suffering from merely a migraine. What Kanye was experiencing was the growth of the fame whore demon seed implanted in his brain by Lucifer and Kim Kardashian on their wedding night. Once it reaches full maturity, it will burst forth from its spanx-wrapped cocoon and slowly feast on Kanye’s brain until there’s nothing left but a puddle of cheap self-tanner. The host then becomes nothing more than a drowsy-looking mouth-breathing braindead fame whore like the rest of Lucifer’s drowsy hookers. But I thought Kanye already knew this. Didn’t he get the welcome package from Pimp Mama Kris on his first day?

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Like A Can Of Biscuits Exploding In Slow Motion….

September 2, 2014 / Posted by:

Dear Kanye,

Thank you for this. Just thank you.

Love,
The world

Kanye West might be a tampon dipped in liquid delusion, but when it comes to making the world barf up a river of HAHAHAs by making Kim Kartrashian look as ridiculously messy as possible, he’s the master. Kanye continued to do great work tonight by doing Kim up like an S&M medieval mermaid who just swallowed a seal whole and is having a bitch of a time trying to pass it. Kim wore this beautiful and stunning ensemble to the GQ Men of the Year Awards in London where she was named Woman of the Year. Yes, I mean to write “GQ Men of the Year Awards” and not “The Fame Whores Of The Year Awards.” And yes, I mean to write “Woman of the Year” and not “Gutter Tramp of the Year.” If you’re wondering why GQ named Kim “Woman of the Year,” your question will be answered next month when GQ publishes highly artistic, black and white photographs of Kendall and Kylie Jenner dry scissoring while topless. Pimp Mama Kris really knows how to work a trade.

And I don’t know why those people in the background look so calm. That skirt is moments away from letting go and exploding, sending pieces of metal flying everywhere. They should be running for their lives!

Kanye West Doesn’t Understand How Comedy Works

September 2, 2014 / Posted by:

Kanye West has repeatedly told us that he’s the smartest man in the world (or whatever he claims during his daily crazy pants ranting) except he clearly doesn’t understand what impressions are, or how comedy works, or what humor is. Ironic, really, considering he’s married to a clown.

During the Made in America festival in Philadelphia on Saturday, Us Weekly says that Kim Kardashian’s kurrent husband took deliver said crazy pants rant to the audience about SNL comedian Jay Pharoah’s impression of him at the VMAs last Sunday. Pharoah, seen above at the VMAs looking like Kanye if Kanye was an active granny from Boca Raton, kept it pretty inoffensive, but Kanye was SO upset that someone would DARE have the audacity to poke fun at him, so Kanye called Jay Pharoah to inform him that his Kanye spoof at the VMAs and his “Waking Up with Kimye” sketch from SNL isn’t funny. Kanye explained to the audience (who probably had 0.00 fucks to give, honestly) that Jay should be PRAISING him, not parodying him. »

When The Expression Of A Baby Says It All

August 30, 2014 / Posted by:

North West is only 14 months old, and already she’s mastered an expert-level “over it” expression, which is insane, because babies don’t usually start learning how to pull such flawless baby resting bitch face till at least their second birthday (at least according to Today’s Parent). But 1-year-old North West is already slaying all the other babies by emoting just how genuinely unimpressed with her mother she is. Remember when just a few short months ago, North used to stare quizzically at Kim Kardashian, like “Harpo, who dis hooker?”. Now she stares at the ground disappointed, like “Sadly I’m aware of who this hooker is”. Clearly living with such a useless piece of cheap trash has fast-tracked her development. HA! “Living“. Listen to me, talking as if Kim has seen her baby enough in the past year to be considered anything more than “casually visiting”.

She’s also managed to perfect the art of subtlety, which, again, very difficult at this age. Where most babies being held by Kim Kardashian would roll their eyes or cry or take a smelly shit in their diaper, North is more reserved with her emotions and chooses only to show how completely uninterested she is in her stripper-looking mom’s tits-out attention whore antics. For someone created from the busted DNA of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, baby North is actually incredibly smart.

Here’s more of Kim, Kim’s kurrent husband Kanye, and the baby they sometimes take pictures with at LAX last night at 1am (you know who loves flying at 1am? BABIES!). I love how North is staring at the TSA guards like “Hey guys! I’m larger than 3.4 ounces! Confiscate me!

Pics: Splash

Beyoncé Lets Sasha Fierce Ride The Camel

August 29, 2014 / Posted by:

Ugh, surfbort. Beyoncé shot some pics and co-wrote a poem about her favorite subject (herself) for CR Fashion Book. Beyhivers, please copy down this latest missive from on high onto your sacred scrolls with your gold-tipped feather pens. This the word of your Lord (when Oprah’s off that day), thanks Bey to God.

In “Bey The Light” (words by Beyonce, “remixed” by poet Forrest Gander – whatever the eff that means), Beyonce spills intimate details about her life with the not-fake husband (?) and the baby. Did you know she has to channel Sasha Fierce when she gets on that hump?

I learned at a very young age,
when I need to tap some extra strength,
to put my persona, Sasha, on stage.

Though we’re different as blue and red,
I’m not afraid to draw from her
in performance, rifts, and even in bed

There’s a lot more were that came from, but what’s really interesting is the confirmation that Kanye West definitely hates her. Because his down-low dude Riccardo Tisci styled this shoot. Which means not only did he cover her face up in one pic (how Bey allowed someone to cover up her extra-worldly glory for even a minute we’ll never know), but he had her wear stretch pants and wrestle with a giant, exploded Mickey Mouse doll (?) in another. What the hell? I understand the concept of not ready-to-wear but you’d look really silly trying to enter establishments in that. You’d get stuck and they’d have to call the fire department.

That sound you hear is Tisci and Kanye tee-hee-heeing over her dumb ass. You know Riccardo got an extra tug or two for a job well done.

Check out more pics of Beyoncé’s photoshoot for CR Fashion Book below.

Kanye West Claims He Can’t Hate The Paps, Because His Father Used To Be One

August 28, 2014 / Posted by:

This is when we realize just how much Robin Williams was a part of our culture, because as I was typing the words “used to be one”, my brain immediately cut to the scene in Mrs. Doubtfire where he pretends to be Elsa Immerman. Oh Robin, I am so so sorry to mention your name in the same post as such arrogant trash.

There were so many insane butt nuggets of insanity in Kanye West’s desposition in the case of him grabbing a pap’s camera and trying to whoop a trick, like claiming he’s a celebrity civil rights leader or that the paparazzi are worse than the Nazis, so it should come as no surprise that some crumbs from Kanye’s crazy would fall through the cracks. For instance, TMZ says that Kim Kardashian’s kurrent husband played the ‘I don’t hate ___ people, some of my best friends are ___!’ card by claiming that he can’t actually hate the paparazzi, because his father once worked as a paparazzi, and added that his parents didn’t raise him to “be out here wrestling with random paparazzi in front of LAX.” Well, I should hope not! I don’t believe Dr. Benjamin Spock ever said anything about the importance of taking your child to the airport and teaching them to fight with photographers.

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North West Makes Her Modeling Debut And I’m Surprised It Took This Long

August 13, 2014 / Posted by:

Not pictured: North West’s mother (read: the nanny) standing to the side and showing her a picture of Pimp Mama Kim and Pimp Daddy Kanye to bring that confused “Who’s that?” pout out of her.

Last month, Kanye Kardashian (née West) mouth farted out this shit dingle of lies during one of his rants:

“I want my daughter to have that opportunity to decide whether she wants to be famous or not. I think to myself, what the fuck am I going to do, how can I change it and how can I give my daughter her childhood?”

And here’s his daughter being pimped out while wearing Chanel in a picture shot by Michael Avedon, Richard Avedon’s grandson, for CR Fashion Book. It’s the nepotism issue! And Kunty Karl is so right. It’s never too early to care about fashion and I’m sure North West is showing she cares by taking a Chanel logo-shaped dump in her Chanel diaper.

via The Telegraph

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