And no, I don’t mean that Blac Chyna texted Rob’s krush Kim Kartrashian to ask her what she’s wearing right now.
Last night, Blac Chyna did something that totally wasn’t planned out by the producers of her and Rob Kartrashian’s E! shit show. Angela Kartrashian took a page out of Rob’s “How To Get Attention For Your Thirsty Ass With One Simple Tweet” by tweeting his number to her thousands of followers. I’d like to think that after Blac twatted that out, she, Rob and the producers all sat around waiting for his phone to blow up, but all they got were the sound of crickets and one text from the local Domino’s confirming that his nightly standing order is on its way.
Hot curly-topped anal swab Brody Jenner once felt like what we, the people, really needed to know is that he got a half-boner from seeing his stepsister Kim Kartrashian (see above with face #2? Or is that face #3?) naked. Now it’s Rob Kartrashian’s turn to bring the dry heaves out of us by using his mouth to shit out a pile of chunky TMI.
When Kid Cudi called out Kanye West and Drake last week on Twitter for maybe passing their lyric-writing duties off on other people, I prepared for a months-long tornado powered by Kanye’s anger. After all, if he and Taylor Swift were willing to start a war over something as petty as song lyrics, who knew what mess would be born from alleging that those lyrics came from someone else’s brain? Both Kanye and Drake scratched back at Kid Cudi a bit, but it appears that’s about as far as their fight is going to go, at least for Kanye.
It’s once again time to curl up at Uncle Tim Gunn’s feet and hang on to every bright shiny jewel of truth that comes out of his mouth. Uncle Tim has already made it clear that when it comes to fashion, Kanye West has the creativity of the prisoners sewing panties on Orange is the New Black (no offense to the prisoners sewing panties on Orange is the New Black). And while talking to Access Hollywood, Uncle Tim once again released a stream of beautiful cuntiness about Kanye’s latest collection of rejected American Apparel designs:
“I’m totally perplexed about why the fashion industry has not looked at these, frankly, dumb, basic clothes and cried ‘Hoax.’ Kanye West is a sphinx without a riddle. I just don’t understand why people are so in awe. [The models were] basically wearing stretch undergarments. I think the only thing dumber than these clothes would be the people who would buy these clothes.”
And that ends another sermon from Pastor Tim Gunn of the Church of Truth! I won’t splash myself with holy water on the way out, because Tim Gunn will need a ton of holy water to hose down those evil Kartrashians when they come at him.
Pics: Wenn.com, Getty
The picture you see above was taken several years ago. I’m pointing this out, because after what happened between Kid Cudi, Kanye West, and Drake on Twitter last night has probably killed any chance that Kid Cudi will ever be on the same stage as a smiling Kanye West ever again. Although I feel like neither of them are dabbing at tears with their hankies over that thought.
Not since a smallpox hospital burned down in the 1800s has Roosevelt Island seen a bigger disaster than the disaster that went down on Wednesday afternoon. Kanye West showed his latest collection of zombie rags and off-brand Capezio leotards for Yeezy, and it was a hot shit puddle of a mess from start to finish. Some models fainted, others nearly killed their ankles while trying to walk in the busted shoes and some fashion editors left after waiting more than an hour for it to start. Kanye’s collaborator and performance artist Vanessa Beecroft, who is a crazy mess in her own right, says that their shit show started 2 hours late, because it was meant to start 2 hours late, thankyouverymuch.