You may have noticed the Twitter Bird flying loop-to-loops with gleeful abandon lately and chirping a carefree song. That’s because a great weight has been lifted from its blue back. Kanye West is no longer on Twitter. We can all imagine how heavy a burden his angry and sometimes nonsensical rants with all those capital letters must have been. He has also shut down his Instagram account. Can a person quit the bitch known as “social media” and still live a life of happiness and fulfillment?
If they really wanted to go crazy with their levels of security, they’d post that picture of Pimp Mama Kris at their front door. PMK’s gaze in that picture can turn almost anything to stone!
When Kim Kardashian returned to the U.S. after getting robbed at gunpoint in Paris, she had an army of security guards following her. Pimp Mama Kris tells UsWeekly that they’ve upped their security even more, and I guess that means that Kendall Jenner is keeping her opulent jewels in a place that’s more secure than a jewelry box, like in a pair of Rob Kartrashian-designed socks or under a pile of Tyga CDs. You know, places where no one wants to go.
During Kanye West’s Saint Pablo Tour, he went after Beyonce, Jay Z, Kid Cudi, DJ Khaled and also Drake. Not too long after, Kanye had a breakdown and spent time in the hospital. Drake recently gave his thoughts on the situation and he’s confused as the rest of us.
Four months after Kim Kardashian was robbed at gunpoint in her apartment in Paris, several photos and a surveillance video of the night of the robbery have been released. The crime scene photos and surveillance video were released by French news channel TF1 yesterday. Google translate broke it all down into English for me, but it still made about as much sense as a note written by Kanye West. So I moved on over to TMZ‘s coverage of the story. They say the pictures show Kim’s bedroom, a roll of duct tape used to bind her, and what appears to be the piece used to gag her. There are also stills from the surveillance video which show the alleged robbers meeting at a cafe several times after the robbery.
Kim Kardashian Robbery Crime Scene Pics Surface (PHOTO GALLERY) https://t.co/MLX3CiqvYA
— TMZ (@TMZ) February 19, 2017
I knew those alleged jewel heisters were old, but they look really old. That’s like Ocean’s Taking Eleven Different Pills for Arthritis old.
Video of the alleged robbers getting away on bikes was released shortly after the robbery, but now we know what they did after they got away. TF1 also aired a reenactment of the robbery, which sounds tacky and exploitative and I’m sure Kris Jenner loved it and requested a hundred copies of it.
The French report also states that the alleged thieves used code words and code names over the phone while discussing the robbery. They don’t say what Kim’s code name was. This is the information we need to know. Was it “Dame Derrière“? “Visage Plastique“? “L’Ancienne Assistante de Paris Hilton“?
Here’s Kim and Kanye going out for dinner on Saturday night in Los Angeles. Kim wore track pants and a fur coat (gotta stay loose and warm after your latest procedure), and Kanye wore a coat made from the wallpaper in your aunt’s powder room.
It looks like Kanye West will never be invited to a slumber party at the White House, where he and his one-time BFF, Donald Trump, would crank call the Australian PM, toilet paper Nancy Pelosi’s office, take selfies with the nuclear button and color each other’s hair using the imported piss of a Russian hooker. Because Kanye is done with Trump.
Kanye West’s last New York Fashion Week show was a huge mess. It was held on an island, it started two hours late, half the models nearly met their maker after standing in the hot sun for so long. That should have been enough for the Council of Fashion Designers of America to pull a Kanye and inform him that maybe he doesn’t need to show up for the next NYFW. But Kanye is showing his fifth collection of overpriced hobo Spanx for Yeezy on February 15th. And guess what? Kanye made things messy.