Drake’s OVO Fest happened in Toronto on Sunday and Monday and joining the Sensitive Prince of The 6 on stage both nights was Rihanna, which is a really nice thing for a secret girlfriend/not girlfriend/whatever she is at the moment to do. The last time we checked in on RiRi, she had pulled out of a Lollapalooza performance in Colombia because of Zika. She also wore some stomach-hiding couture and so lots of people wondered if that meant she was knocked up. Maybe Drake didn’t know about the pregnancy rumors, or maybe he was just trying to keep them warm, because he made a joke about making a baby with her to the audience at OVO.
During an interview with BBC Radio 1 yesterday, Kanye West confessed that he’d like to add “furniture design” to the Shit Kanye Thinks Kanye Can Do section of his LinkedIn profile. Specifically, Kanye wants to design furniture for the mecca of cheap chairs and frozen meatballs, IKEA. Kanye said his dream is to make “a minimalist apartment inside a college dorm.” In case Kanye wasn’t clear enough about how much he wants this, he begged them in the third person.
“Yo IKEA, allow Kanye to create, allow him to make this thing because you know what, I want a bed that he makes, I want a chair that he makes. I want more products from Ye.”
Kanye is serious about his love for IKEA. Earlier this year, Kanye made a visit to IKEA head office in Sweden and tweeted about how much he wants to create some KØNYË crap for them. The only problem is, IKEA isn’t feeling it right now.
No, I do not follow Justin Bieber on Instagram. Every time I go to his page, a cloud of maple-scented smegma hits my nostrils and I’m allergic to that, so that screen shot came from a friend who follows him on IG. Yeah, that’s it.
As everyone was busy watching the Battle of Royal Assholes between Taylor Swift and Kanye West, poor, widdle Justin Bieber sat in the corner all by his lonesome, feeling about as unwanted as a coochie at an all-gay orgy. So, the Biebs figured that since everyone’s eyes are on Taylor and Kanye bumping throbbing egos, he should squirm his way in if he wants some attention. Believe it or not, but Kanye and Kim Kartrashian’s side is now 3000% douchier, because the needy and bratty Tender Tears doll has pledged his allegiance to them.
Early this morning, the Biebs posted that picture on Instagram of him FaceTiming with Taylor’s arch rival Kanye West, and he threw in the caption, “Taylor swift what up“.
Never mind that the Biebs look like a bookworm’s badass brother who don’t read no books cause books r 4 nurrdz, that caption is just sad… It reads like that little chickenhawk is puffing up his chest at Taylor. I know that Taylor weighs about as much as an ant’s burp bubble, but she could easily end the Biebs and make his cry to Usher by flicking his forehead or by making Selena Gomez call him and say, “Justin, I love you and I miss you, let’s get back together…….. SIKE!” Maybe the Biebs will finally realize that he ain’t about that life while crying into Kanye’s lap after Selena puts an owwie on his toddler heart.
Anti-thinking advocate Kanye West is impatient for Apple to hurry up and buy his pal Jay-Z’s music streaming service Tidal. Apple and Beyonce’s husband have reportedly been going back and forth about the potential purchase since last month, according to the Wall Street Journal. Kummy Kakes’ koat karrier feels that by taking their time to think about it (he’s not big on thought process), Apple is withholding music from “the kids.” He might also secretly feel that Tidal is a sinking ship and Apple might be the life raft in which he can join Kathy Bates and Rose’s stuck-up mom to escape watery business death.
Harper’s Bazaar’s September issue should’ve been called the “Necrophilia Issue,” because that picture has about as much sexiness and charisma as a picture of a crime scene photographer taking a picture of a dead body. No disrespect to crime scene photographers and dead bodies.
The publishers of Harper’s Bazaar are probably going to be hit with a class action lawsuit from subscribers who no longer have eyeballs because that shit rolled out of their faces and out the door while reading the magazine’s Q&A with Kanye West and Kim Kartrashian. It reads like one of those Facebook quizzes filled out by a fart bubble and a queef bubble.
It’s been almost two weeks since Kim Kardashian rinsed the salty blonde victim tears off her husband’s reputation by releasing several Snapchats of a conversation about the song “Famous” between Kanye West and Taylor Swift. And ever since then, there’s been no end to the reminders of the second time Kim took down a snake on camera. Kanye kept the party going last night by reminding everyone at a Drake concert about What Kim Did. You know, in case any of us accidentally got amnesia in the past 12 days and forgot. Thanks, Kanye.