Hollywood decided to wear black at the Golden Globes last Sunday night in silent protest of the industry’s sexual assault problem. But four days later, most Hollywood people at the Critics’ Choice Awards went with color.
Kate Bosworth didn’t wear color, but she did wear a mess. Kate is wearing a dress by Brock Collection, but if I hadn’t been told who made her dress, I’d assume she went into a formal event showroom on a particularly dry day, collected too much static electricity while trying on a bridal gown with her socks on, and accidentally left the store with a child’s christening gown that was stuck to her. The best part is that the fun didn’t end when Kate turned around.
Tattoo artists all across the greater Los Angeles area just got excited about getting their hands on some of those sweet Big Bang Theory dollars for a wedding tattoo and possible subsequent cover-up job. Because Kaley Cuoco has decided to get married again. Except this time it’s not nearly as impulsive, I think.
Forbes has spoken and Sofia Vergara is still the reigning queen of getting those duckets! She’s been named the highest paid TV actress of 2017 proving once again, immigrants, they get the job done. This makes six years in a row that Sofia’s been the richest bitch in the TV game.
A couple of years ago, Jim Parsons, Kaley Cuoco, and Johnny Galecki of The Big Bang Theory crossed over into Friends territory when they started making $1 million an episode. Eventually two more main cast members, Kunal Nayyar and Simon Helberg, got cut in on the $1 million an episode jackpot. Paycheck negotiations have started again, and this time the negotiators are Mayim Bialik and Melissa Rauch (aka Sheldon’s girlfriend and Howard’s wife).
Because why decide on just one when you can help yourself to both? Kate Hudson wanted it all: underboob, underwear, sequined black censor bars, a giant flower putting another flower in a choke-hold, fancy little capes for her shoulders. Kate pulled up to fashion’s drive-thru speaker and ordered everything on the menu.
Razzie nominee Kate Hudson was at the SAG Awards last night as a presenter, which might be why she went red carpet casual by wearing a Dior dress with boxers underneath. If she tries to conceal her underwear by pulling her dress up higher, she’s gonna flash a whole lot of nipple. If she tries to cover up her underboob by pulling her top down a little, she’s going to show tons of underwear. Ha, listen to me – acting like Goldie’s thirsty daughter would ever be concerned with covering up an underboob situation.
Hints of glittery titty was a bit of a theme last night.
Natalie Portman is currently knocked up with her second kid, so I can see why she’d want to show up to the Critics’ Choice Awards last night wearing your auntie’s two best tablecloths as a dress. When you’re shuffling down a red carpet for two, your number one priority is comfort. Your legs are tired, your arms are tired, your stomach looks like the overstuffed backpack of an airplane passenger that refuses to check a bag. Sometimes you just want to wear a cape-thing and call it a night.
Natalie took home the Critics’ Choice Award for Best Actress for her Jackie. I like to think Natalie kept with the throwback theme and her ensemble was an homage to 1960s maternity wear. Based on years of research (Joan and Betty’s pregnancies on Mad Men), I believe if you got knocked up in the 1960s you were legally required to dress like a deflated shower gel pouf.
It wasn’t all floaty-fabric capes. There were also floaty-fabric robes too.