Natalie Portman is currently knocked up with her second kid, so I can see why she’d want to show up to the Critics’ Choice Awards last night wearing your auntie’s two best tablecloths as a dress. When you’re shuffling down a red carpet for two, your number one priority is comfort. Your legs are tired, your arms are tired, your stomach looks like the overstuffed backpack of an airplane passenger that refuses to check a bag. Sometimes you just want to wear a cape-thing and call it a night.
Natalie took home the Critics’ Choice Award for Best Actress for her Jackie. I like to think Natalie kept with the throwback theme and her ensemble was an homage to 1960s maternity wear. Based on years of research (Joan and Betty’s pregnancies on Mad Men), I believe if you got knocked up in the 1960s you were legally required to dress like a deflated shower gel pouf.
It wasn’t all floaty-fabric capes. There were also floaty-fabric robes too.
Nearly two years ago, Kaley Cuoco set an attention trap by Instagramming a picture of herself in a hospital bed covering her nose and claiming she was having “sinus surgery.” Obviously it didn’t take long for people to poke Kaley and let her know that she spelled “nose job” wrong. Kaley slapped back at everyone accusing her of trying to cover up a nose job and said: “If I DID get a nose job (which I didn’t) I would be shouting that from the rooftops.” Kaley was technically telling the truth when she said she didn’t get a nose job on that particular day. She just left out the part about how she had already had one done years ago.
This year’s 4th of July is turning out to be one for the books. We learned what it means to exercise your rights as an American via Christie Brinkley. Taylor Swift showed us what patriotism looks like for the young, rich and in love (with a contract). And then we had a little blip of patriotic controversy courtesy of Kaley Cuoco.
Woe is Ryan Sweeting! Poor Ryan Sweeting probably thought that when he scores a giant monthly spousal support check from Kaley Cuoco, he’d finally be able to switch from ironing his locks straight with an actual iron Tracy Turnblad-style to regular Keratin treatments. But sadly for him, he’s can’t throw that iron out anytime soon. Because Ryan Sweeting and Kaley Cuoco’s divorce has been finalized and it doesn’t look like he’ll be inducted into the Gold Digger Hall of Fame.
Damn, I knew Kaley Cuoco moved fast, but this is clearly some kind of new relationship landspeed record. Kaley Cuoco has been un-married for a little more than seven months, and according to Star Magazine (via Celebitchy) she’s already thinking about getting married again.
About three months after Kaley called it quits with her tennis-playing husband Ryan Sweeting, she hitched her cooch up to British actor Paul Blackthorne. I don’t know what happened between Kaley and Paul, but it didn’t work out. A little while later she started dating a dude who rides horses named Karl Cook, who I’m guessing she met on a blind date that was set up by her pony. Thanks to Kaley’s commitment to Instagram, we know that she’s been seeing Karl for at least six weeks. Apparently six weeks is more than long enough for her to start thinking about getting fitted for an engagement ring.
Sources say Cuoco is hoping to become engaged to equestrian Karl Cook just as quickly [as she did with Ryan Sweeting]. During a recent visit to a newsstand in LA, a tipster says Kaley purchased a stack of bridal magazines with a friend.”They flipped through them all, cover to cover, and commented on which dresses looked the best. She went on and on about how much she loves Karl and confessed that she was hoping for a proposal – and soon.”
Okay, I’m calling bullshit on part of this story. No, not the part about Kaley Cuoco wanting to make it legal with a man she’s been dating for six seconds – I believe that. It’s the part about going to a newsstand and looking at bridal magazines that I’m side-eyeing. Who buys magazines anymore? Especially those expensive-ass bridal bibles. Besides, if Kaley was truly serious about marrying her new man, she’d be flipping through the latest issue of Inked.
Asking random famous people about feminism felt like the sort of thing that had been left back in 2014 along with the ice bucket challenge and Alex from Target. However, Cosmopolitan decided to revisit some past feelings Kaley Cuoco once had about feminism and ask her if she still felt the same way.
Back in 2014, Kaley rustled a few jimmies by telling Redbook that she didn’t want to call herself a feminist because she liked to make dinner for her (now ex) husband, Ryan Sweeting. She later tried to clear it up by saying her words were taken out of context. It sounds like Kaley might have replaced all the time she used to spend making food for her husband with self-reflection, because she told Cosmo that she definitely considers herself a feminist now.
“Of course I’m a fucking feminist. Look at me. I bleed feminism. I get equal pay to my male costars on a big show, I have my own home, I’m as independent as you could possibly be.”
“You get paid as much as your male costars? How nice for you” said the Kaley Cuoco of movies, Jennifer Lawrence.
She also sort of got into the death of her marriage by saying that it makes her sad and it changed the way she looks at marriage. I’m guessing one of those changes is that she won’t celebrate her next marriage by getting a tattoo of the wedding date.
So there you have it. Kaley Cuoco is a feminist. Now if only she’d give us some news we could really get excited about. Like that they’re planning a sequel to my favorite made-for-TV movie, Growing Up Brady, that would focus on all the behind-the-scenes dirt of A Very Brady Christmas. Surely I can’t be the only one who wants that.