The picture you’re looking at was taken a few days ago while Justin Theroux and Jennifer Aniston went furniture shopping in NYC. I’m sure it took about six seconds before someone at UsWeekly or In Touch shouted “Furniture for what? A new baby? That must be why she’s covering her stomach with a jacket!” and got to working on laying out a JEN’S BABY JOY cover. Well, you know what? Justin Theroux wants people to cut the “womb watch” shit out.
Justin Theroux has started doing promo for The Girl On The Train and so we should expect that every interview he does will start with the question, “The Girl On The Train is about a girl on a train and Angelina Jolie is a girl and I’m sure she’s been on a train before, so what do you think about her dumping Brad and can you even hear this question since I’m sure your eardrums burst from the sound barrier-breaking laugh that Jennifer Aniston let out over the news?” Business Insider asked Jennifer Aniston’s hot hipster piece about the breakup of our modern day Adam and Eve and he said that his heart feels for the child army and saying anything other than that is yawn worthy.
I can only give Justin Theroux’s STAINS impersonation a C since he didn’t perfect it by making Jennifer Aniston hold up a platter full of cupcakes in front of him.
As Brangelina’s marriage gets buried under a pile of dead cherubs who lost their will to live after the meaning of everlasting love died, Jennifer Aniston and her wedded piece Justin Theroux went out to dinner in NYC. Justin, who wore a look straight from Hot Topic’s Cool Dad collection, is probably bulgy -eyed like that, because his skinny jeans are suffocating his low-hanging huevos and he’s feeling the pain.
Or maybe, just maybe, Justin’s eyeballs are trying to escape out of their sockets because his head is slowly exploding as the paparazzi shower them with flashes while asking Jennifer if she’s holding on to her man so tight because that home wrecking viper hussy Trampelina HOlie is single again and is going to snatch Justin up! No, the paps would never!
Open Post: Hosted By Justin Theroux Wearing Everything Found In A Stereotypical Douche Hipster Starter Kit
The official start of slow summer gossip season started today when for the 9,123,980th time, a tabloid declared that a “miracle baby” has taken out a 9-month lease on Jennifer Aniston’s womb. InTouch Weekly screamed that Aniston is knocked up with Justin Theroux’s baby and they posted pictures of her in a bikini. Her belly looks like my gut when I suck in. But anyway, the Baby News Denial Department of Aniston’s PR Team quickly dropped a non-pregnant fart on that news.
But even though she denied the rumors, Aniston still hit the pap stroll in NYC today with a 16-foot long scarf and a wrinkled trench covering THAT area. She also looks kind of tired, but then again, you’d be tired too if you spent 3 hours of your morning using your body strength to pull your husband’s painted-on jeggings onto his body. If I was Aniston, I’d be using that giant scarf to cover my face, because I wouldn’t want to be seen with a grown dude who’s dressed like a cross between a 16-year-old circa 1992 who got suspended from high school for trying to start an anarchy club and a rejected member of the Village People who started his own music group in Brooklyn called the Borough People.
One of the most dangerous games of Russian Roulette you’ll ever play is with the movies on Jennifer Aniston’s IMDB page. Sure, you might get lucky and land on a good one, like Office Space or Wanderlust (or if you’re really lucky, Leprechaun). But sadly, there’s an even greater chance you’ll get Rumor Has It or The Bounty Hunter. Apparently this is something Jennifer Aniston is aware of.
Jenny, who is currently promoting that Mother’s Day movie, recently admitted to Harper’s Bazaar that she’s not exactly proud of some of the things she’s done for a paycheck. I don’t have a dictionary handy, but I think that might be the definition of Irony?
Whenever I see the name “Evil DJ” I think it’s the nickname the cast of Full House called Candace Cameron behind her back. It probably was/is.
At the Zoolander 2 premiere in NYC last night, Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Will Ferrell and Penelope Cruz walked the purple carpet in character. That was part of the premiere everyone there called the “This Is An Embarrassing Mess, Let’s Go To The Open Bar” portion of the night. Justin Theroux helped write Zoolander 2 and his character from the first one is in it, so he also hopped (or whatever you call what he’s doing) down the runway. It was some real “Um, you’re a millionaire and you’re married to a multi-multi-millionaire so you don’t need to do this crap for a check” shit.
Evil DJ always looks like Linda Perry circa 1994 if Linda Perry circa 1994 was styled by Kevin Federline using shit from Riff Raff’s closet. When I first saw these pictures, I wondered what in the hell happened to Jason Castro and then I wondered why in the hell do I remember Jason Castro.
And I hope they cover this look on Fashion Police, because I really to see Giuliana Rancic’s lollipop head shake and pop off while she tries to figure out what to say about his dreads.