Louis Vuitton threw a party at the Louvre in Paris last night to celebrate their collaboration with Jeff Koons. Jeff Koons designed a line of tacky and hideous bags for them and you can see some of them here, but really, it just looks like the Louvre wiped its asshole with Louis Vuitton purses. The knock-offs are probably going to look better.
Louis Vuitton’s regulars, like Michelle Williams, Jennifer Connelly and Miranda Kerr, came out and so did Justin Theroux and Jennifer Aniston. After the party, Justin and Jennifer must have been planning to take a time machine back to the 90s to troll clubs for a third. Because they are giving me “90s swingers on a mission” hotness. They look like rejected Bret Easton Ellis characters.
Pulling off leather pants isn’t easy (and I mean that in more ways than one) and Justin isn’t doing it, but I’m still loving this look. Justin looks like that douche at the club whose got a thick cloud of Acqua di Gio following him and who tells the chicks that he’s an exotic car dealer when he’s really a salesman-in-training at a Hyundai dealership. The Roxbury Guys would look at him like, “What an asshole.”
Justin’s bulge isn’t as BOOM as it has been in the past, but it does sort of look like two small guinea pigs spooning in a trash bag.
I bet the line that Justin heard the most all night was, “I can’t wait to see you in paste pants later.”
And here’s more pictures from last night including Jennifer Connelly who covered herself with four layers of nope.
Chelsea Handler is talking about Jennifer Aniston’s life again. Chelsea has turned cheering for Team Aniston into a full-time job. The next time Jenny swings by Chelsea’s for a wine night, she better think about bringing a W-4 and a vacation request form.
After Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s marriage imploded, Chelsea slapped at anyone who dragged Jennifer Aniston into the drama. According to Chelsea, Jennifer didn’t have a single fuck to give about Brangelina’s demise. Chelsea recently decided to say it one more time for the people in the back who might not have heard it the first time. Chelsea was asked by UK’s You magazine (via UsWeekly) about leaping to Jennifer’s defense after the news broke of her ex-husband’s divorce. Chelsea doesn’t have to defend her friend, because there’s nothing to defend against.
“I don’t think Jen cares about what’s going on and it’s crazy that people think she does. As if she’s sitting around caring about [Angelina Jolie]. I know I don’t.”
Regardless of whether or not she cares about Brad and Angelina, she does have shit to say about them. Chelsea can’t help it; she’s the people’s mouth.
“I just say what most people are thinking.”
But of course Jennifer Aniston isn’t sitting around thinking about Angelina Jolie. She’s got better things to do, like selling body yogurt. Chelsea, on the other hand. A 98-year-old Chelsea is going to be in a Hollywood nursing home hooked up to an oxygen tank hissing “Listen, Jennifer doesn’t care that Angelina Jolie donated her mashed peas at lunch this afternoon, and neither do I.”
Here’s Jennifer Aniston in leather and her husband Justin Theroux in – prepare to be shocked – a skinny tie at the Season 3 premiere of The Leftovers in Los Angeles last night.
The holy kingdom of eternal love that was Brangelina crumbled into the gutter and Jennifer Aniston has been married to the Emo Eddie Munster known as Justin Theroux for over a year, so I guess it was time for the tabloids to move on from “Poor Jen.” Enter: Poor Brad! Now Brad Pitt is the one who’s sitting in a sea of Hostess pie wrappers and cry-singing to All By Myself before picking up his phone to text Jennifer Aniston with: U up?
We all know that when it comes to dressing for the Oscars, everyone takes it very seriously. They put on a tux or fancy gown that definitely didn’t come with a check attached to the garment bag. Most of the time the result is a one-way ticket to Zzzzzz town (see: a good 75% of the looks from last night). But then everyone gets to let loose at Vanity Fair’s annual Oscar afterparty and put on what they really want to wear (see: The Gold Standard). Like many people at the Vanity Fair party, Diane Kruger wasn’t at the Oscars and she showed up wearing that.
Katy Perry threw her man Orlando Bloom a surprise 40th birthday party at a hotel in Palm Springs, CA on Saturday night and even though Justin Theroux was there, the biggest dick in the room was the blown-up picture of Legolas’ (sadly censored) peen. Katy apparently took the picture that launched a thousand boners and throbbing clits, blew it up and used it as a backdrop for party guests to pose in front of. Some guests made fun of Orly’s salchicha (see: picture above) and others posed normal. It doesn’t look like any of them put their mouths on that black box. I know, Katy and Orlando have weird friends.
After Justin Theroux’s wife Jennifer Aniston was dropped into the Brangelina drama, he said that it’s surprising how everyone focuses on trash gossip when there are more important things to focus on. But over the weekend, some thought that Justin was joining all of us garbage whores in the dumpster when he posted a picture on Instagram of graffiti art in Berlin done by artist Nick Flatt. As everyone noticed, between “fuck politics” and “fuck condoms” are the words “fuck Brad Pitt.” Some of us who love to reach hard for drama, thought that either Justin Theroux was burning Brad Pitt, or he was telling us that he really wants to forget the condoms and bareback fuck Brad Pitt.
UsWeekly says that Justin’s original caption for that pic was: “#currentelectionmood #berlin #graffiti #fuckingnickflatt.” But when everyone thought he was hating on his wife’s cheating slut of an ex-husband, he changed the caption and became Snooki’s #1 enemy while doing so:
Bitch may not shade like he’s “elevem” years old. But he hashtags like he’s eleven years old. And I wonder why Justin shat on pickles out of all the things in that pic to shit on. Could it be because Jennifer Aniston is knocked up and is craving pickles all the time and the constant smell of them has grossed him out? That’s it. Next week on Star Magazine: Pickles Tore Them Apart! Justin Theroux Abandons A Pregnant Jennifer Aniston!