Earlier this month, everyone reported that Justin Bieber was maybe-dating Lionel Richie’s barely 18-year-old daughter Sofia Richie. The last time we heard about Justin’s (dry heaves) sex life, he had maybe ditched Sofia for a model named Bronte Blampied. I know you’re all dying to know if he’s still with a person whose name reads like an eye exam test. He’s not. At least not right now. Justin was recently in Mexico with Sofia, and by the looks of the heave-making PDA display they put on, they’re definitely currently a thing.
Instagram is a little less douchey today, because Justin Bieber has come through on his promise to lock out his fans from his page. After the Beliebers spit out gloppy drool balls of hate at the Biebs’ current girlfriend, 17-year-old Sofia Richie, on Instagram, he threatened to punish their evil asses by making his page private. Early this morning, the Biebs took his promise to another level by deleting himself from Instagram. But as some Beliebers put on their Janie and Jack brand black veils to mourn the death of their toddler god’s Instagram page, many others are celebrating like weed has been legalized everywhere, Kraft has brought back Jell-O 1-2-3 and Playboy Enterprises has announced that they’re launching Playginge and its inaugural issue will feature pictures of a naked Prince Hot Ginge. Many are happy and the hashtag #JustinBieberDeactivatedParty was trending for hours.
[Note: While looking for pictures of Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber on a photo agency’s website, this one came up and I immediately thought to myself, “Justin Bieber looks 10,000% less insufferable and much more mature in that picture.” That’s actually an old picture of Selena with the Biebs’ little brother, but it still works.]
Yesterday, J. Harvey posted about how the threat of a code 10 Belieber meltdown may be upon us, because Justin Bieber threatened to make his Instagram private after his fans spewed hate all over several pictures of him with Lionel Richie’s 17-year-old daughter Sofia Richie. The Biebs is probably dating Lionel’s child and his crazy fans don’t like it and even hit Sofia with death threats. The Biebs told his fans to stop hating, his fans told him that they’re not the boss of them, and as all that drama went down in the playpen, Selena Gomez popped up to spank him on his overfilled Pampers.
If only there were a Belieber version of Nutty Madame to hop on her webcam and violently freak out at everyone for turning on poor Justin Bieber. Canada’s Least Wanted got pissed that his crazed fans aren’t loving his new chick, Lionel Richie’s 17-year-old daughter Sofia Richie, and demanded that they lay off her. In response, someone created the hashtag #RIPBeliebers on Twitter. It looks to be the end of a very silly era. Every #OneDirectioner just got their popcorn out of the microwave and settled in on the couch to delightedly watch the show.
Last week, 22-year-old tattooed piece of Canadian tampon lint, Justin Bieber, was skinny dipping with an Instagram model in Hawaii, and since he’s as fickle as he is douchey, it looks like he’s already traded that piece in for Nicole Richie’s 17-year-old sister Sofia Richie. Selena Gomez got with Justin Bieber when she was 18 and he was 16, and now it looks like the Biebs is the one who’s Mary Kay Letourneauing.
The Daily Mail posted pictures yesterday of Sofia and the Biebs holding hands while walking on some rocks in Laguna Beach, CA. People says that the Biebs and Sofia have spent 5 straight days together and they both got on a plane to Japan where he has two shows coming up. Sofia is an L.A. rich kid with a famous dad, so that means her occupation title is “model,” of course. Back in June, she was seen leaving a club while holding hands with a 28-year-old French footballer. So yeah, Lionel Richie has probably already heard, “Lionel, come get your child,” but he may not care.
But some source tells E! News that the Biebs and Sofia aren’t dating:
“They are not dating. They are just friends. Nothing is going on between them.”
You know, there could be some truth to what that source is saying. Sofia turns 18 in about 2 weeks and Justin Bieber is forever an un-potty-trained 11-year-old brat, so maybe they’re not dating. May her daddy got her a job babysitting the Biebs for the summer. I mean, in some of these pictures of them hiking in L.A. yesterday, it does sort of look like she spotted a wet spot on the back of his shorts and is silently cursing herself for not bringing an extra nappy.
The eyes of the internet have barely wiped the jizz from their eyes after seeing pictures of Orlando Bloom feeding his uncut dick some Vitamin D while naked paddle boarding with Katy Perry in Italy, and now we’ve got new pictures of Justin Bieber skinny dipping in Hawaii. The New York Daily News were the first ones to bring on the boners with those Orlando pics, and they’re also the ones who posted the Bieber ones. They need to go ahead and change their name from The New York Daily News to The Nudey Dickly News. And yes, I’d be their most loyal subscriber if they did that.