Justin Bieber and Ed Sheeran are the Wonder Twins of MCMs for twelve year olds, so naturally when they combine forces the infinite rise of decibels from their screaming fans is certain to turn the entire planet deaf. And perhaps being deaf right about now wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing since they’ve both collaborated on a song you will be hearing at every boardwalk and Six Flags in America this summer titled “I Don’t Care.” Which may also be your feelings about this song.
Prophet Justin Bieber Says We Will All Regret Not Celebrating Chris Brown’s Genius While He’s Still Alive
Street prophet Justin Bieber cinched up his big boy pants (the full length ones!), pulled on his best socks and slides combo and stood on his corner soapbox to warn us citizens of humanity that we’re going to be really, really, super sorry for not supporting the unmistakeable talent and superstardom of his most bestest friend in the whole wide world while we had the chance! No, you have not been transported back to the year AD 20 when Jesus was walking among us making miracles happen. Sadly you are still stuck in AD 2019 and Justin is talking about none other than Chris Brown. Yes, that Chris Brown. The Biebs thinks that Chris is the #1 singer in the world and therefore we should overlook the “little” acts of his assholery and abuses towards women or we’ll all be sorry when he’s dead, just like we were over the premature deaths of Michael Jackson and Tupac Shakur. You hear that? We’ll all be sorry!
Hailey Bieber is really learning fast what it means to be the wife of one of the most beloved pop stars in the world. I’m not talking about all the perks and glamour like concerts and parties and Vogue magazine covers. I’m talking about the downfalls. The paparazzi. The haters. And worse than the haters- the superfans.
Over the weekend, Justin Bieber and his wife found themselves in the middle of a mild internet ruckus when some keen-eyed fans noticed that Justin was still searching for Selena Gomez videos post-marriage. *Gasp!* (Not really.) This led to Hailey taking a stand(ish) and calling out the “cruel” people on social media. On social media? I think you mean humanity, sis. They’re off-screen assholes also. Continue reading
You’ve got to have a pretty thick skin if you’re going to make it in the entertainment industry. I didn’t sit through 87 cycles of America’s Next Top Model to not learn that lesson. Too bad Justin Bieber never had a Tyra Banks in his life to belittle him until he cried, only to build him back up into a pop megastar who can take a normal amount of criticism without alluding to suicide. Sadly, we know Justin wouldn’t have made it very far on ANTM and probably would have asked to be sent home after crying his eyes out during the makeover episode. You see, a mean lady on the internet (it wasn’t me this time, I swear!) accused Justin of lip syncing during his recent Coachella appearance with Ariana Grande. And even though he totally did lip sync, it wasn’t very nice.
Looks like Justin Bieber is feeling better because he’s been popping up all over the place. Justin recently let the world know he was going through it and needed us to pray for him to get over some depression he was dealing with. Well, PRAYERS WORK, because Justin shook off that dark cloud of sadness and took it to the stage by joining Ariana Grande at the last show of her Coachella set.
Justin Bieber has been bothering us for so long that sometimes I forget he’s practically still a kid. It almost makes me feel bad for making fun of his juvenile naivety. But then he goes and writes a poem that begins with the line “Sunlight falls into the Abyss: Just like i fall into your lips”, and I have to laugh. Yes, he’s only 25 but he’s a married man and I’m a little worried he’s never actually kissed a girl before. Either that, or Hailey Baldwin‘s a soul eating demon whose lips are the mouth of a cavernous hellscape. Although, I suppose both could be true.