I don’t mean that literally, of course. I have a lot of kinks (like wanting to be yelled at by Patti LuPone and watching porn while eating Popeye’s chicken. I mean, the grease makes for good – I’ll stop), but overaged twink scat porn isn’t one of them, thankyverymuch. If Hanson got big after Justin Bieber did, we’d all probably call them the unholy trinity of Bieber impersonators, so them hating on Bieber is some pot meet kettle shit, but I still love every bit of it.
It looks like someone has been learning a thing or two while playing dodgeball with the other toddler brats on the playground. Seven years ago, when Justin Bieber was just a fetus-aged asshole, someone perfectly hit his helmet of hair with a water bottle during a show. Well, what a difference seven years and dodging lessons from Dubya make.
As you know, One Love Manchester, Ariana Grande’s benefit concert for the victims and victims families of the terrorist attack at her show two weeks ago, happened in Manchester last night. 50,000 people were at the show and performers included Miley Cyrus, Coldplay, Katy Perry, Little Mix, Take That the Black Eyed Peas (sans Fergie), and Justin Bieber. Normally this would be where I’d want to make a “Haven’t they been through enough already?” joke about Bieber, but I do have a shred of a soul left, so I won’t. Yesterday, Red Cross UK said that One Love Manchester raised over $9 million for the victims. Today, TMZ says it has raised $12 million. They expect to raise more from television rights and merchandise. Continue reading
Justin Bieber is featured on a remix of Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee’s song Despacito. According to Luis, Justin reached out to him and asked to record a remix because he liked the song so much (it was already pretty popular). Justin sang his verse in English and the chorus in Spanish. This is what it sounds like:
Justin’s remix is currently sitting at the number-one spot on the Billboard Hot 100 for the second week in a row, so it wasn’t a surprise that he was handed a mic and asked to sing it during an appearance at 1OAK in New York City on Tuesday night. Unfortunately, Justin couldn’t remember any of the lyrics besides “despacito.” So he made up the rest of the lyrics in the laziest way possible.
A rider is as unique as the person who its written for. They’re also usually pretty secretive; unless one is leaked, we don’t really know what kind of bonkers requests are on it. But you can kind of guess what certain people would want on their rider. Like, I would figure that Mariah Carey might ask for her entire dressing room to be converted into one giant pink bubble bath. We’ve recently learned what is on Justin Bieber’s rider, and I’m sure you’ll be shocked to learn that it reads like a spoiled rich kid’s letter to Santa Claus.
While working an armpit merkin (there’s no way he can grow hair there) and throwing a come hither look (Usher just saved that picture so fast), Justin Bieber gave his millions of Instagram followers a good look at the newest works of art on the Museum of Shitty Tattoos he calls a body.
The Biebs got a bear tattoo on his left tit, and that must be really confusing for anyone who has ever said, “I’d rather make out with a growling grizzly bear than suck on Justin Bieber’s left tit.” He also got a flying eagle inked right between his “Son Of God” and “Purpose” tattoos. The Biebs’ new tattoos tell me that if he wasn’t a multi-millionaire yodeling douche nugget, he’d probably be drinking a Natty Ice out of a paper bag while whistling at chicks from his sawed-off convertible pick-up truck in the parking lot of a Walmart. So basically, he’d be his dad.
And the Biebs also posted this video of him topless dancing with someone’s memaw:
I bet every hardcore Belieber is flooding Lindsay Lohan’s Instagram comments with questions about how to get a grandmaface quick. Because if they had that Benjamin Button’s shit, maybe Justin Bieber would actually show them some love.