Category: Justin Bieber

Selena Gomez Is Striving For Self-Actualization

July 24, 2016 / Posted by:

Selena Gomez kicked off the international leg of her Revival Tour in Indonesia last night on her 24th birthday. Birthdays can hit you hard. This one apparently kicked Selena’s ass because she got teary on stage while introducing her closing song “Kill Em’ With Kindness.” Afterwards, she got social media-teary on Instagram. It was some “I need to do better” rambling. Wow, Project “Taylor Swift Has Been Victimized, You Guys” can stress a gal out.

Justin Bieber Is Still Fighting With His Ex-Neighbors Over That Egg-Throwing Incident

July 21, 2016 / Posted by:

More than two and a half years ago, Justin Bieber – seen above looking about as tough and edgy as a Cool Crimp Kevin doll – got into some trouble with his neighbors The Schwartzes after his punk ass decided to egg their house. Justin eventually took a plea deal and was placed on probation for a year. He was also ordered to complete some community service, as well as paying Jeffrey and Suzanne Schwartz $20,000 in damages.

Justin was recently released from probation a month early after he shocked the people in charge of his community service by not being an insufferable brat the whole time. He also ended up paying his Jeffrey and Suzanne $80,000 for damages. I’m sure Bieber thought that paying more money and being a good little boy during probation would mean the end of his neighbor drama. Unfortunately for Bieber, it continues.

According to TMZ, Jeffrey and Suzanne Schwartz say that they’ve got major ongoing trauma from living next door to Justin Bieber. Jeff and Suzy allegedly spend their days and nights moaning like Bieber in a Tribeca spa; they suffer from headaches, stomachaches, and insomnia. And they say it’s all the result of Bieber’s bad behavior while he lived next door to them, especially the day he egged their house.

I’m sure there are lots of people who think Jeff and Suzy and trying to pull a get money scheme on Justin Bieber. Well, so does Justin Bieber. TMZ says he recently filed legal documents requesting The Schwartzes undergo a medical evaluation next month to determine if their alleged issues are the real kind or the shady kind. So far a judge hasn’t decided if they’ll approve Justin’s request.

Is a medical evaluation even necessary? Of course living next to Justin Bieber gave them a permanent headache! Frankly, I’m surprised their only complaints are headaches and insomnia. Or maybe their bodies are better at fighting off Bieber’s major asshole energy than mine is. Just looking at these picture of Justin Bieber’s smug face as he flips off the paps in New York earlier this week caused my blood pressure to spike.

Pics: Splash

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Justin Bieber Doesn’t Want Your Gifts

July 17, 2016 / Posted by:

Irritating shithead Justin Bieber was himself irritated this weekend when a fan threw a gift at him and it ruined his “moment.” He’s lucky. It could have been someone with actual taste who heaved a rock.

People reports that Canada’s Least Wanted was playing the Boardwalk Hall Arena in Atlantic City on Friday night when he went into a snit. He grew perturbed when some generous fangirl threw a free hat up on stage. You see, his pebble of a brain was trying to remember some teen-idol philosophy about life to lay on those poor little wretches in the audience, and the free hat knocked the scribblins’ he had worked on all week between bong hits out of his brain!

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Open Post: Hosted By Kristen Stewart Trying On One Of Justin Bieber’s Old Looks

July 9, 2016 / Posted by:

I mean the hair not the makeup. Then again, who knows what Usher makes Justin Bieber put on during “mentoring hours.” Here’s Kristen Stewart at the premiere of her new flick Equals in LA. It’s about a dystopian future wherein people don’t experience emotion. Did she even have to audition? This is the kind of gig that was written specifically for a multi-faceted gem of a performer like her, right? That Bieber-esque hairdo emotes more than she does.

Check out more pics of Kristen, and co-stars Nicholas Hoult and Jacki Weaver below.

Pics: WENN

Justin Bieber Went Wakeboarding In His Underwear

July 5, 2016 / Posted by:

How’s your day going? Good? Good. I’m glad. Mine? I’ve just spent 10 minutes looking up past stories that involve the baddest little tyke from up north being that toddler at the party that just has to pull down his pants. And now that will be part of your day too. If I have to suffer this, so will you.

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Justin Bieber Finished His Probation Time Out

June 29, 2016 / Posted by:

Do you believe in magic? You do? Good. I’m going to let you in on something. What the ancients called “magic” is what we today call “science.” So let’s get in my time machine and go all the way back to a special time called 2014. (Flashing lights. Thunder. Bam.) And we’re here! This is the year that things started to get real ~cRaZy~ for the littlest ass wart, Justin Bieber. Look. That’s his neighbor’s house he egged to prove what a big boy he was becoming. Well, yolk – I mean joke was on him, because bitch got caught and was given probation, community service and a fine. But back to the present. His probation is up. Ugh.

Despite having trespassed on private property and vandalism, Justin, sadly, did not get the punishment he should’ve. He narrowly avoided becoming the lil’est bad boy of the prison yard and instead continued his reign of terror on the helpless public. TMZ reports that Justin’s lawyer, Shawn Holley, went to the court on June 9th to end Justin’s probation a month early because he’s apparently impressed the people at the Probation Department so much. He performed 40 hours of community service and paid the neighbor $80k in damages. The request to end his probation a month early was granted, and now he’s free.

Bieber also got really lucky. TMZ says that Bieber’s Cleveland ass-whooping happened only a few hours before Shawn Holley went to court. Holley got to court before the news broke, and therefore helped Justin dodge a potential parole violation.

TMZ repeatedly calls him a “free man” in the story and I take issue with that. Man? Man?! Does a man horrify the public with these? No. Does a man do this to his fans? No! Which brings me to the fact that the Probation Department was apparently impressed with how well behaved Canada’s biggest brat has been for the past two years. What? Just to name a few of his heinous actions in the past two years: subjecting a majestic tiger to his douchey presence, terrorizing Mexican ruins, and worst of fucking all, being rude to Bette Midler! Good behavior my fanny. He should be locked away for at least a lifetime just for the Bette Midler snub.

Pic: Splash

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