In the knowing words of internet disciple Antoine Dodson, who prophesized this moment a decade ago, “Hide yo’ kids, hide yo’ wife and hide yo’ husband” because Angeline Jolie and Brad Pitt are officially single. That’s right, the pink construction paper heart that once read “Brangelina” has been ripped down the middle, and “Bra” and “Ngelina” stand alone, slightly altered versions of their pre-coupled selves. But you can stop jumping for joy thinking that this is the last you will be hearing from these mofos until they start publicly banging new people. Although the law has declared them officially single, Angelina and Brad are still hammering out the never-ending terms of their divorce (and probably because she wants him back!!!). If they could only take a pair of ripple edge children’s scissors and cut down the middle of their bank account and kids, we’d all be over this already.
When Pink isn’t using her hands to hold onto a trapeze bar while singing upside down 50 feet above a ring of fire with dancers wearing spiked hats busting moves in the middle, she’s using her hands to clap back at tricks for various reasons. Pink clapped back at people saying her husband is a shit parent. Pink clapped back at someone who laughed at her posting a private family dinner pic on Instagram for everyone to see. Pink clapped back at people who let her know they don’t like her political opinions. Pink clapped back at someone who gave her shit for singing at the Super Bowl while having the flu. And Pink clapped back at someone who called her old in the face. The point is that Pink has come down with a case of The Clap more than my down-low parts have. And now Pink is clapping back at messes who went on about circumcision after she posted a picture of her 2-year-old son without his swim diaper on. And if that sentence made you want to clap off the lights and your computer and exit the internet, you ain’t alone. Continue reading
Right after the rumors came out that Miranda Lambert once again boned the wedding ring off of a married man, her ex-husband Blake Shelton decided he needed some attention and tweeted something about karma. The “high road” that Blake Shelton has been taking must be called Petty Bitch Blvd.
Been taking the high road for a long time.. I almost gave up. But I can finally see something on the horizon up there!! Wait!! Could it be?! Yep!! It’s karma!!
— Blake Shelton (@blakeshelton) April 25, 2018
That tweet was obviously about Miranda since while she was married to Blake, her crotch biscuit supposedly collected more side items than what’s on a Popeye’s menu (and his dick supposedly wandered into plenty of side snatches). But Blake talked about that tweet with both Extra and Entertainment Tonight, and says that people can think whatever they want and he doesn’t have time to worry about it. Yes, and he proved he doesn’t have time to worry about that tweet by talking about that tweet with anyone who put a mic in front of his talk hole.
There’s been many hot takes on the recent uprising of voices speaking out against powerful men in the entertainment industry. And then there’s Morrissey’s take on it all. Last week, Morrissey gave an interview to Germany’s Der Spiegel in which he defended Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey , calling the allegations “ridiculous” and victim blaming. He also shrugged off the allegations against Kevin Spacey by saying, “If you go through history, almost everyone is guilty of sleeping with minors.”
Morrissey recently returned to the well of sexual assault allegations and pumped out some more stagnant puddle thoughts.
B.o.B., whose real name is Bobby Ray Simmons Jr., used to be known as a rapper, a singer, and a songwriter. But recently he’s most well-known for his extremely confusing, sometimes hilarious commitment to his belief that the Earth is flat. 28-year-old B.o.B. is so serious about the Earth’s flatness, he got into it with actual scientist Neil deGrasse Tyson (that debate ended with B.o.B. releasing a diss track).
B.o.B. has been preaching the word of 180° truth on Instagram, but he wants to take his message further. The only problem is, it costs money to be that crazy. Luckily, he’s started a GoFundMe to help raise funds for his nonsense journey.
Azealia Banks has apparently put away the shank she waved in Iggy Azalea’s direction for years, and those two wrecks may have finally trashed their overcooked beef and made up. But as Azealia (temporarily) scratches Iggy’s name off of a list of enemies to cast a black magic spell on, Halsey has stood up and declared to the world that along with good taste and nice wigs, she wants nothing to do with Iggy Azalea.