Because a month in 2018 wouldn’t be complete without someone in power in the entertainment industry being exposed as an (alleged) pervy lech, the rumored New Yorker piece by Ronan Farrow on Les Moonves, 68, has come out. And it’s exactly as advertised. Several women have come forward to accuse the CBS Corporation’s chairman and CEO of sexual harassment. People reports that Les’ wife, animatronic Big Brother and The Talk hostess Julie Chen, has elected to take the stand by your man route. Maybe there’s an air-tight prenup? Continue reading
When Ronan Farrow wrote that profile about Harvey Weinstein being the Grade-A pig of Hollywood, he walked away with a Pulitzer Prize. Boy must be thirsty for another because word dropped that he’s about to release a profile on how CBS CEO Leslie Moonves has been known around his office for acting like your creepy uncle who gives you unwanted kisses and hugs at Thanksgiving. And to think, those hens on The Talk were juuuuust beginning to brag about how they were way less dramatic than those crows on The View. Continue reading
And in the bathroom at People magazine’s offices, a bunch of editors and publicists are all sitting on the floor and sharing a giant bowl of uncooked cookie dough while silently weeping over the fact that George and Amal Clooney have completely rejected them and gave the news of their unborn twins to somebody else. I am 2,700 miles away from People’s headquarters, but if I listen closely, I can hear the song All By Myself blaring from their office speakers. Scooped by The Fucking Talk!
Last month, a Lebanese newspaper reported that family sources told them that growing in Amal’s womb are a double set of Clooneys. They got it right and on today’s episode of The Talk, Julie Chen confirmed it. All of us should make sure that our end-of-the-world bunkers are fully stocked with the three essential Ps (porn, Pinot and pork rinds), because 55-year-old George Clooney is going to be a father to twins. 39-year-old Amal is due this June.
— The Talk (@TheTalkCBS) February 9, 2017
Beyonce is having twins. Madonna adopted twins. Pharrell Williams’ wife gave birth to triplets. Multiples are so NOW. There must be something in the water (and that something may be IVF.) Every hospital nursery in the Calabasas area better go on high alert. Because Pimp Mama Kris may try to outdo everyone and will troll nurseries for four newborns who can fit up into one of her hos.
And here’s pictures from late last month of Amal throwing a “Get ready for bump watch, bitches” look at the paparazzi while leaving LAX.
Julie Chen admitted on The Talk last week that if a plastic surgeon never took a scalpel to her eyelids and widened her eye parts, she’d never be The Chenbot, Bumpits would be out of business and Big Brother would be in chaos without her saying, “But first!” When Julie admitted that shit, most of us shrugged like, “eh,” because we figured that her whole face has been taken apart, chiseled, sandblasted, dipped in plastic and put back together again. But on The Talk yesterday, Julie practically swore on the thing that made her a star, Les Moonves’ peen, that besides her eyelid surgery, she hasn’t gotten any face work. Julie says that she’s still got her born nose on her face. Julie claims that her nose looks like that from the magic of conturing and she showed the receipts in the form of a sped-up video of her getting her face painted.
Chenbot, please. I’ll believe that she hasn’t had her nose snipped (uh huh), but I refuse to believe that it’s possible for her to go makeup free. The Chenbot cannot go SANS FARDS! The Chenbot’s face is covered with car paint, shellac, adobe clay, acrylic and anything else found in the paint section at Home Depot. You can’t take that shit off. That video was obviously played backwards and the makeup artist was putting prosthetics and more makeup on her to look makeup free. That receipt is doctored!
Anybody who has seen old pictures of Julie Chen knows that her face was tucked, rotated, plucked, snipped, pulled and covered with an extra thick coat of candle wax and matte shellac. On The Talk yesterday, the Chenbot admitted what everyone has known for years: she’s had plastic surgery before. But the Chenbot said that she only went under a plastic surgeon’s scalpel because a producer and an agent told her she looked too Chinese to get ahead. I fully expect Aaryn Gries’ mother to issue a 500-word statement about this.
As part of “secret week” on The Talk, Julie spilled the truth about her face. She said that when she was a 25-year-old local news reporter at an ABC affiliate in Dayton, OH, she tried to get ahead by asking her news director if she could ever fill in at the anchor desk. Julie’s news director, who I’m guessing is Aaryn’s uncle, told her she would never sit at the anchor desk because she’s Chinese. He said that there’s barely any Chinese people in Dayton, so she’s not relatable at all to the community. He also told her that her Asian eyes made her look bored and disinterested.
The Chenbot wanted to get away from that news director and move to another station, so she met with some huge agent. The agent basically told her the same thing. He told her that the only way he’d represent her is if she got plastic surgery to make her eyes bigger, so she did it. Right after the Chenbot did what tons of Korean girls have done, her career started to take off. The Chenbot says that she sometimes feels guilty for “giving in to the man,” which made Sheryl “I Hate My Nappy Hair” Underwood say, “You didn’t give in to the man, Julie, because you don’t know about giving in to the man.” Translation: You can’t say that, because you’re not black, bitch. Whatever, the fuckery that comes out of Sheryl Underwood’s mouth is a discussion for another day.
Julie then said that she’s proud to be Chinese and she has no regrets about getting her eyelids cut and pulled. Here’s the clip and I love it only for Aisha Tyler saying everything with a side-eye.
So Julie basically said that getting eyelid surgery helped her career and started it all for her. Okay, but getting an extra large Bumpit surgically implanted into her skull and marrying Les Moonves also turned her into the world famous Chenbot she is today.
CBS made Big Brother fans prolapse out of shock last night when they actually showed some of the shit nuggets of bigotry that have fallen out of some of the houseguests mouths. Big Brother’s executive producer Allison Grodner said in the past that they don’t really want to put hateful or racist shit on the edits for TV, but on last night’s episode they showed a montage of some of Aaryn Gries and GinaMarie Zimmerman’s “greatest hits.” Paula Deen just told her house boy that he can stop wiping her forehead, because she’s no longer sweating butter now that the racist heat is finally off of her.
CBS introduced Aaryn and GinaMarie’s KKK open mic act by showing Howard Overby talk about some of the “inappropriate” shit he’s heard in the house and he’s keeping his mouth shut because he wants to focus on the game. They then showed Aaryn say that Helen needs to go make her some rice before she did Anjelah Johnson’s nail salon skit. They also showed GinaMarie says that Candice is on the dark side, because she’s already dark. They didn’t show Spencer say that Andy needs to get hate-crimed and they didn’t show GinaMarie calling welfare “nigger insurance,” but I guess they’re saving those touching moments for the end of July sweeps.
I really hope that Aaryn, GinaMarie, Spencer and Jeremy are Have Nots next week and I really hope that CBS lets us vote for “arsenic and battery acid” as the only two things they can eat. I hate most of those hos on BB this season, because the racist ridiculousness they’re spewing is taking away from what BB is really about: showing people awkwardly fap in awkward places. But I’m still going to watch and only because I want to see the look on Aaryn, GinaMarie and Spencer’s faces when they’re voted out and Julie Chen tells them that they’re real-life Have Nots, because they’re all out of a job.
And if you need more fuckery for your Monday, here’s a supercut of some of the messy shit said on the Bigot Brother live feeds so far.