The song “Jolene” by Dolly Parton is near and dear to my heart. My award winning (dive bar karaoke contest, Savannah GA, 2001) rendition of the 1973 hit brings down the house every time. So you’ll understand why I might feel a bit protective of it. According to Deadline, “Jolene” will be one of the songs featured in the upcoming Netflix anthology series Dolly Parton’s Heartstrings, a show that will dramatize 8 of Dolly’s “most beloved songs”. For the “Jolene” episode, Julianne Hough will play the titular home wrecking tramp and I’m left wondering, where are her flaming locks of auburn hair? Eyes of emerald green? I’m strongly against this casting choice but it seems Dolly’s on board, and she did write the song so I’m just going to have to let her have this one.
It’s like they always say: a honeymoon isn’t really a honeymoon until you ask a stranger to take an awkward picture of you recreating the poster for Krippendorf’s Tribe on the beach.
Julianne Hough and her new husband Brooks Laich got married on July 8th. What do you usually do after a wedding? (Besides rinse cake frosting out of your hair and brace yourself for the Visa bill, of course). You go on a honeymoon. But if you’re Julianne and Brooks, you go on a honeymoon and document all the totally-natural antics for some social media likes.
I know Lady Gaga’s thing right now is hats, specifically that pink one that’s practically the official mascot of her Joanne promotional tour. So I shouldn’t have been surprised that she showed up to the American Music Awards last night in her biggest, stiffest-brimmed hat. It was nice of her to switch out that pink hat for the evening. I’m sure it was starting to get all limp from all the sweaty forehead foundation it was no doubt collecting and could use a good soak before the Grammys in February. Sorry AMAs, but you get the backup hat.
Last week, Dancing with the Very Loose Definition of Stars found themselves attached to a little post-show drama over Amber Rose’s body. Amber claimed on an episode of Loveline with Amber Rose that after she and her partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy performed a salsa to Jennifer Lopez’s “Booty“, she overheard judge Julianne Hough make a crack about feeling “a little uncomfortable.” Amber accused Julianne of body-shaming her XXL ass and thighs. Julianne swore in a statement that she was only shading Amber’s slo-mo moves. Well, one week later, the boot-scooting booty battle has fizzled out with an on-air apology.
Dancing with the Stars judge Julianne Hough wasn’t feeling what Amber Rose was giving earlier this week. Some people may have be swooning when Amber stepped onto the dance floor looking like a third-rate Angelina Jolie impersonator in a Sequin City costume knock-off inspired by Kim Kardashian’s in the “M.I.L.F.$” video. But according to Amber, Julianne wasn’t one of them. Amber thinks Julianne “body-shamed” her, and she recently let everyone know about it.
Before we fully get into the river of depressing smegma that this news week will probably bring, let’s raise a wig and celebrate some happy news: RuPaul finally got his hands around his first Emmy after being in the TV game for eons. HalleluRu!
If award shows always got it right, Ru would’ve gotten his first Emmy in the 90s for Best And Most Glamorous Talk Show host for Vh1’s The RuPaul Show. But since award shows mostly never get it right, that didn’t happen. It only took 20 years, but the title “Emmy-winning RuPaul” is finally a fact.