Denizens at the Ecuadorian embassy in London are probably planning a celebratory luncheon today, and for once, won’t have to worry about the leftovers disappearing. Any leftover cake can safely go into the office fridge because the world’s most notorious lunch thief, Julian Assange, was evicted today, kicking and screaming as he was arrested by British authorities. And his good friend Pamela Anderson is mad. Big mad.
So far this year, we know Pamela Anderson hates threesomes and pre-engagement rings but does love Julian Assange. For reasons I still can’t figure out, Pam was interviewed recently for the Australian version of 60 Minutes. As you can guess, she used a bulk of it to stan for her boo Julian and compel the Australian Prime Minister to essentially overlook Julian’s legal matters and let him come back to the homeland. She also decided to wade into the #MeToo waters to cluck her tongue in disapproval — because that has worked out so well for every other critic.
“Help me Kanye, you’re my only hope” – Pamela Anderson Hologram, 2018
That’s the chilling message Pam wants Kanye West to receive in a letter she penned to America’s newest champion of free speech. On her Pamela Anderson Foundation website (dedicated to all things PETA, poetry and “Challenging communities- and Politics world wide–in a provocative way”), Pam posted a letter to Kanye asking him for a show of public support for her BFF Julian Assange who’s still posted up at the Ecuador Embassy Suites in London.
Because we live in the Upside Down from Stranger Things, Pamela Anderson is now trying to lead diplomatic talks on behalf of someone the U.S. wants to send to jail for espionage. Current U.S. leadership is particularly susceptible to a little T&A distraction, she actually might get what she wants. Page Six says Pam was filming a PSA (hopefully not another against Uber) at a hotel in Manhattan when she realized Mike Pence was also at the same address. Considering how Pam is suddenly on a crusade against porn, I’m sure she had a lot to talk about with Mike. But only if his wife is there, too!
It has been way too long since we’ve been blessed with Pamela Anderson’s profound poetry. She’s back and the good news is she’s still got it. The bad news is, it gets a little awkward due to the fact that her subject this time around is Julian Assange.
This morning, my brain is filled with more WTF than usual and it’s all because of this story about how Lady CaCa wore a witch hat (Get it? Witch hunt? THIS bitch.) to have dinner with that Wikileaks ho Julian Assange at the Ecuadorian Embassy in London after M.I.A. tweeted her a slightly shady invitation. CaCa posted this picture of her and Julian looking like American Apparel’s version of the Wicked Witch of the West and the Tin Man.
Julian has been hiding out in the Ecuadorian Embassy since June, because he’s wanted in Sweden for allegedly raping two women. The Telegraph says that CaCa showed up at around 7pm last night, had dinner with Julian and then left at midnight. The embassy has no idea if M.I.A. was there.
What in the hell did these two fame whores talk about for five hours? I know CaCa and Julian are both highly-skilled copy + paste artists, but besides that what do they have in common? CaCa probably vomm-ed at the mouth about her art while Julian touched her wrong with his eyes (CaCa hangs around Terry Richardson, so she’s used to it) and kept pushing a cup full of Sleepytime tea toward her. Then while CaCa kept barfing about herself, Julian offered her a bong full of Valerian and finally a plate of Ambien cake with a side of ZzzQuil dipping syrup. That’s how their dinner date went.
And if these two ever come a couple, they’ll have the best couple name ever. I say they go with either Ass Gag or Ass CaCa.