Madonna Never Really Disappoints At The Met Gala

As if Madonna needed to physically show us how thirsty she is. We know, girl!

Every year, Madonna descends upon the Met Gala with more excitement than a clown who just snorted a line of crushed espresso beans. Last night was no different. Madonna showed up in Duck Dy-Nasty camo couture, swigging something from a canteen. Who cares what the theme was; Madonna wanted to do drunk Bass Pro Shops beauty pageant queen, and so that’s what Madonna is gonna do.

Of course, Madonna did disappoint a teeny tiny bit. I’m of course talking about the fact that her ass – arguably the Met Gala’s most frequent guest – was nowhere to be seen last night. Given the theme of her ensemble, she could have taken it further by letting her ass cheeks flop around behind her like two plucked mallards. Madonna’s look was done by Jeremy Scott for Moschino, so I blame him for that.

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Judd Apatow And Seth Rogen Are Pissed At A Film Critic For Name Checking Them In A Piece About The UCSB Shooter

On Sunday, The Washington Post published an op-ed piece about the UCSB shootings from movie critic Anna Hornaday (Side note: Why oh why isn’t my last name Hornaday?!) where she put blame on Hollywood for giving young dudes a distorted view of real-life by showing college life as a non-stop, booze-fueled frat sex orgy (“Wait, it isn’t?” – every student at the University of Iowa) and by showing movies where the homely, fat dude always gets the hot chick. The entire video game industry just collectively said, “Phew! For once, no one’s blaming us.”

Anna Hornaday (I still can’t get over her hot name. She sounds like the Austin Powers villainess of my dreams) brought up Neighbors as an example. Judd Apatow and Seth Rogen didn’t like that. Anna’s entire piece is here, but below is the part where she blames Judd Apatow for making movie after movie about a schlub getting the girl.

As Rodger bemoaned his life of “loneliness, rejection and unfulfilled desire” and arrogantly announced that he would now prove his own status as “the true alpha male,” he unwittingly expressed the toxic double helix of insecurity and entitlement that comprises Hollywood’s DNA. For generations, mass entertainment has been overwhelmingly controlled by white men, whose escapist fantasies so often revolve around vigilantism and sexual wish-fulfillment (often, if not always, featuring a steady through-line of casual misogyny). Rodger’s rampage may be a function of his own profound distress, but it also shows how a sexist movie monoculture can be toxic for women and men alike.

How many students watch outsized frat-boy fantasies like “Neighbors” and feel, as Rodger did, unjustly shut out of college life that should be full of “sex and fun and pleasure”? How many men, raised on a steady diet of Judd Apatow comedies in which the shlubby arrested adolescent always gets the girl, find that those happy endings constantly elude them and conclude, “It’s not fair”?

So since I grew up in the 80s and 90s, does that mean I should’ve went on a horrific killing spree after the boss I tricked into thinking I was a grown professional didn’t offer to get me into a top fashion school when my cover was blown at a hot backyard fashion show starring my high school friends? Makes sense.

Anna Hornaday went deeper:

Movies may not reflect reality, but they powerfully condition what we desire, expect and feel we deserve from it. The myths that movies have been selling us become even more palpable at a time when spectators become their own auteurs and stars on YouTube, Instagram and Vine. If our cinematic grammar is one of violence, sexual conquest and macho swagger — thanks to male studio executives who green-light projects according to their own pathetic predilections — no one should be surprised when those impulses take luridly literal form in the culture at large.

Anna’s piece really set fire to the hairs on Seth and Judd’s ass lips. They went off on Twitter and Seth started it.

.@AnnHornaday I find your article horribly insulting and misinformed.

— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) May 26, 2014

.@AnnHornaday how dare you imply that me getting girls in movies caused a lunatic to go on a rampage.

— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) May 26, 2014

Judd piped in and accused Anna of being an attention whore who used a tragedy to get everyone to pay attention to her.

Here is how it all works. Anne says something thoughtless. I say it is wrong then CNN asks everyone to debate and it becomes TV.

— Judd Apatow (@JuddApatow) May 27, 2014

I said no. I wonder if Anne can prevent herself from going on and becoming part of how these tragic events become profit centers for media

— Judd Apatow (@JuddApatow) May 27, 2014

Th UCSB shooter was a narcissistic, entitled psychopathic puddle of smegma who thought white was king, was obsessed with status, measured his worth by how many chicks he got, thought women were put on this Earth for his pleasure only and thought violence would make him powerful. Maybe Anna Hornaday has a point somewhere in there. Maybe Judd Apatow has a point. Maybe Seth Rogen has a point. The only thing I do know for sure is that I don’t really like reading a Seth Rogen tweet with the words “Justin Bieber is a piece of shit” not in it. He should’ve just randomly thrown that in there.