Since 1999, The New Yorker magazine has held The New Yorker Festival, which sounds like an appreciation event for the thousands of doctor’s offices that always make sure there’s a fresh three-year-old copy in the waiting room. It’s an event held over multiple days in which audiences can listen to “a who’s-who of the arts, politics and everything in between” talk. This year, the line-up included former White House Boglin and “little wannabe writer” Steve Bannon. However, after more famous attendees quit the festival, Steve Bannon has been removed from the lineup.
Stars, they’re just like us! When they feel crotch tingles, they let their fingers to the walking on the world wide web for a little sweet release. And with the help of modern technology, everybody’s kink can be honed and sculpted to their exact tastes. Some stars you can just look at and know what type of porn their into. George Clooney’s probably into vintage 1930’s era tuxedo porn; Goldie Hawn probably likes German naked wood-nymph stuff. But when it comes to thinking about what gets Tom Cruise’s “meat body” (THE ACTUAL L.RON APPROVED TERM) all hot and bothered, the mind draws a blank in a merciful act of self-protection. According to Indiewire though, Tommy boy didn’t even know internet porn existed until Seth Rogen hipped him to it in 2006.
Hollywood decided to wear black at the Golden Globes last Sunday night in silent protest of the industry’s sexual assault problem. But four days later, most Hollywood people at the Critics’ Choice Awards went with color.
Kate Bosworth didn’t wear color, but she did wear a mess. Kate is wearing a dress by Brock Collection, but if I hadn’t been told who made her dress, I’d assume she went into a formal event showroom on a particularly dry day, collected too much static electricity while trying on a bridal gown with her socks on, and accidentally left the store with a child’s christening gown that was stuck to her. The best part is that the fun didn’t end when Kate turned around.
If you need to know how Lena Dunham is feeling today, my guess is about a shade or two more “oh fuck” than the face she’s making in that picture. It’s exhausting trying to disassociate yourself from a former colleague/current alleged rapist when they keep making the news.
Last month, actress Aurora Perrineau filed a police report with the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department accusing former Girls writer Murray Miller of raping her when she was 17. She reportedly passed a lie-detector test. Murray denied everything. After Aurora’s rape story was reported, Lena Dunham threw her whole “believe all women” mantra out the window and jumped to Murray’s defense. Both Lena and her Girls co-showrunner Jenni Konner released statements implying Aurora was lying. Lena later backtracked with an apology and an excuse about defending the type of people who fill her “world with love.” According to Variety, Murray might have also been filling Lena’s world with bullshit. When Aurora’s story broke, Murray’s lawyers released a statement accusing her of attempting to scam him for a “substantial” amount of hush money before she went to the police. Lawyers for Murray have since backtracked on that.
Sorry, I should clarify: a whole lot of women and a couple dudes. For some reason, the men of Hollywood aren’t exactly rushing to pipe up with their thoughts about the recent dump of sexual harassment allegations against Harvey Weinstein. Which I’m sure is just because they dropped their cellphones in the toilet and have no current means of communication, and not because they had been benefiting from doing business with the alleged creepy shower enthusiast. But for now, we’ve got the thoughts from plenty of actresses and a couple actors, including George Clooney.
As if Madonna needed to physically show us how thirsty she is. We know, girl!
Every year, Madonna descends upon the Met Gala with more excitement than a clown who just snorted a line of crushed espresso beans. Last night was no different. Madonna showed up in Duck Dy-Nasty camo couture, swigging something from a canteen. Who cares what the theme was; Madonna wanted to do drunk Bass Pro Shops beauty pageant queen, and so that’s what Madonna is gonna do.
Of course, Madonna did disappoint a teeny tiny bit. I’m of course talking about the fact that her ass – arguably the Met Gala’s most frequent guest – was nowhere to be seen last night. Given the theme of her ensemble, she could have taken it further by letting her ass cheeks flop around behind her like two plucked mallards. Madonna’s look was done by Jeremy Scott for Moschino, so I blame him for that.