Taylor Swift took the attention away from Katy Perry on the day that her album Witness dropped. But Katy managed to steal back a shred of attention from her (now former?) nemesis, and all it took was a conversation about famous dick during the 72-hour livestream of her life.
Answer: Diddy gives a fuck, like a lot of fucks.
red beige and blue carpet posing portion of last night’s Met Gala, Diddy worked the cameras with his on-and-off-and-on-and-off-and-on-again piece Cassie, and at one point he lounged on the steps like a man casually lounging on a display at Forever 21 while his girlfriend gets in a long line to try on a pair of jeans. That little smooth move brought out a dozen “Diddy Don’t Give A Fuck” headlines. Au contraire, bitch. Diddy does give a fuck and that shameless spotlight-shifting whore knew what he was doing.
Cassie stood there in a field of humongous ass sea urchins, working for those camera clicks, as Diddly easily got the cameras to move his way by casually strolling to the stairs for a little lounging time. Cassie’s dress is covered with giant plastic caterpillars (or are those giant Groucho Marx brows?) and Diddy gets all the attention by simply lounging like an evil vampire lounging on a velvet settee while eyeing his prey from across the room. Diddy wants us to think he’s saying, “Oh, this moment is all about her,” but we all know he’s saying, “Oh, this moment is all about moi.”
With that being said, I’d probably do the same thing, because standing is hard. And also, that dramatic lying down pose really does show off Diddy’s “Steven Seagal spending a casual afternoon at home” outfit.
And now we end our never-ending Mess Gala 2017 coverage with several dollops of hotness provided by the dudes of the night including ASkars, Riz Ahmed, Rami Malek and Luke Evans.
Pics: Wenn.com, Getty
Well, this will be sad news for fans of relationships between gorgeous-boobed humans and singers with an X-Men-like ability to remove mommy panties with their voice. E! News says that Kat Dennings and Josh Groban have broken up after almost two years. A source – who may or may not have been Sophie with a couple extra minutes on a prepaid Polish calling card – tells E! that the breakup was “mutual.”
“They are still friends and care about each other, but it’s not the right time for them now as a couple.”
On a happier note, this means Josh Groban is one step closer to reconnecting with his true soulmate: Sweet Dee.
Neither Josh nor Kat have confirmed they recently tossed their love in a wood chipper. Although the last picture of Josh Groban on Kat Denning’s Instagram page is from way back in February, so make of that what you will. But otherwise, nothing else. Where’s the screen-grab of a break-up announcement starting with the words “It is with a heavy heart…” written on an iPhone in the Notes app and posted to Instagram? Did Kat and Josh forget that they’re famous people? Announcing your break up though a “source” is so 2015. I guess neither of them got the famous people memo that 2016 is the year of releasing your very important news with a screen grab from the Notes app.
Cate Blanchett was at the Tony Awards in NYC last night, because she’s making her Broadway debut later this year in a show that isn’t Hamilton. (I know, why are other shows even bothering?) Judging by that butchered-up look on Cate Blanchett’s body, I’m guessing that she was also there, because she knew that most thi-turr people play it safe by wearing the most boring dress at Lord & Taylor, so she needed to give the public something that’ll hurt their eyeballs and make their retinas curl. Thank you, Cate!
Ah, the People Magazine Awards! What better place to oil up your titties and half-cover them in a beaded onesie. Yes, Jennifer Lopez is wearing a beaded onesie – don’t worry, I have many questions about that too. Just thinking about all that all-over beading is giving me flashbacks to my figure skating years (all 7 of which are deeply embarrassing), along with the feeling of prickly sequins scraping against bare skin and the taste of wet mittens and hairspray in my mouth. Thanks JLo.
I’m not sure I’m feeling whatever it is JLo is serving up here. Don’t get me wrong, JLo always looks hot, it’s just that there is a lot going on, and all of it is making me do Target Lady face. First off, what is going on with her shoulderpads? It looks like she’s got two extra-thick Cuchinis stuck in there. Second, why is she so Kardashian in the face? And my follow-up question to that is, why is her hairline 10 shades darker than the rest of her face? Finally, JLo needs to go easy on the body glitter. I had an old roommate who was obsessed with Urban Decay Sparkling Lickable Body Powder (bitch went through a box a week, I’m serious) and even she would be looking at JLo’s disco ball arms like “Too much.”
“But what about me?” cried JLo’s thirsty extensions. Aw, you’re ok. Any hair that looks like it was cut off an old Cut N’ Style Barbie doll is fine by me.
Here’s more of JLo looking like a sexy back-up dancer from The Brady Bunch Variety Hour, as well as a bunch of other famous types at the People Magazine Awards, including The Hammaconda’s human handler Jon Hamm, Kate Hudson – who seems to think she’s at the Golden Globes, and the definition of a People Magazine Awards attendee Kaley Cuoco:
Josh Groban has a singing voice that sounds like the echoes of a dozen tenor angels orgasming in a hallowed hall of heaven and he’s funny on Twatter, so I can understand why Kat Dennings is getting on that. Kat Dennings was in Big Momma’s House 2 (the crown jewel of her career!) and her magnificent chichis look like the memory foam clouds that the angels lay their heads on every night in heaven, so I can understand why Josh Groban is getting on that.
At last night’s Carousel of Hope Ball in Beverly Hills, GroNing made their first public appearance as a couple and let everyone know that Earth is now a place where Kat Dennings and Josh Groban are rubbing on each other’s naked bodies. Kat was dating that hot piece Nick Zano as of May, but they’re obviously over. Josh Groban humped on January Jones for a few years and if Kat didn’t know that, she now knows the answer to the question she asked herself the first time she saw his parts: “Why does he have a frostbite scar on the tip of his peen?”
Some source tells UsWeekly that Kat and Josh are brand new and they’re just having fun for right now. Kat Instagramm’d a picture of the two of them last night and threw up the words “I ship it” with it. Josh also Instagramm’d a picture of them and threw up the words “I ship it too” with it. I just shipp’d in my mouth over how syrupy these two love sick whores are being.
And now I have the image of Josh Groban motorboating Kat Dennings’ chichis while singing “You Raise Me Up” as he raises up if you know what I mean.