Josh Duhamel has a load of baby batter ready to go and no cake pan to put it in. He’s prize stud looking for a broodmare. He’s got a pearl necklace he wants some lucky lady to use as vaginal beads (c’mon, its almost Friday). On a recent episode of Dax Shepard’s Armchair Expert podcast, Josh announced that he’s on the prowl for some hot, young womb action. He’s got one 5 year-old son he shares with his ex-wife Fergie, but he’d really like to expand his family. I guess his previous girlfriend Eiza Gonzalez wasn’t up for the job of being Josh’s personal incubator, so now’s your chance! C’mon ladies, doesn’t anybody want Josh’s spermatozoa!?
I’ve always pictured Fergie as that “cool” aunt who engages with the youth in her family by saying things like “It’s Lit!” and “Turn Up!” while twerking to old skool Luke jams (and yes I used both Luke and “jams” because I am the male version of that aunt so shut up). She proved everyone right with my description when she brutally murdered the National Anthem at the NBA All Star Game earlier this year. And while the rest of the world was cringing, Golden State Warriors superstar Draymond Green spoke for all of us when the camera caught his expression of “Is this bitch serious?” Yes, Draymond, she was. And now her ex-husband Josh Duhamel is calling Draymond out for his not-so-subtle reaction and wants an apology immediately.
Those of us who only use social media as a way to find accidental celebrity peen should pour one out this evening. True love never lives long, and we’re reminded of that cruel bitch of a fact today because 45-year-old Josh Duhamel and 28-yearold Eiza Gonzalez have gone their separate ways. How are we supposed to see Duhamel dick going forward? Eh, if you have a working Google, it’s not that hard. Pun intended! Continue reading
One person who wasn’t spending time reading all of the think piece posts hating (most of them) on artistic trailblazer Fergie’s “sexy jazz”(?) rendition of the National Anthem? Her ex Josh Duhamel. Josh and his graying temples have already moved on. UsWeekly says that the Unsolved: The Murders of Tupac and Biggie dude is dating actress Eiza González (who was in Baby Driver).
One of those exclusive-type sources says that Josh (who will always be Leo who fell over the waterfall and out of Greenlee’s life forever on All My Children to me…I have a life…I swear… it’s around here somewhere) and Eiza have been “quietly dating” for a couple of weeks. They reportedly met at a party after Jennifer Lopez’s pre-Superbowl concert on Feb 3. 45-year-old Josh and 28-year-old Eiza, who was previously linked with Liam Hemsworth, really hit it off.
“They drank and partied together until very late,” the insider says. “After, Josh reached out to a mutual friend and asked for Eiza’s number.”
So far, though, most of their dates have been via smartphone.
“They definitely have a connection because they’ve been FaceTiming and texting nonstop while she’s been in England working,” the insider tells Us. “They’re keeping it on the down-low. He’s telling her he’s never met anyone like her before.”
Oh, that’s what they all say! Don’t fall for that, Eiza! Guys who say that are either sociopaths or they have secret wives. Either that or one of their PR flacks who was posing as the source needs to be fired or perhaps take a writing class or two. (Don’t think I don’t hear you muttering “speaking of writing courses, J. Harvey…,” you in the back!)
If you haven’t seen the trailer for Roid Boyz starring Mark Wahlberg, Josh Duhamel and WWE star Roman Reigns it’s because it doesn’t exist. But if it did, it would be a true life tale of celebrities getting caught up in a illegal steroids ring directed by YouTuber Jon Bravo. According to TMZ, the three sides of beef (well, two and a half, I don’t think Josh can boast the bulk) got fingered by roid dealer Richard Rodriguez who flapped his gums to Jon from prison.
Fergie and Josh Duhamel are the latest celebrity marriage casualty, and, considering what he’s allegedly like to flight attendants, I can only imagine how those divorce proceedings are going to go. Ideally, it would involve Fergie-Ferg crooning “MILF$” during alimony discussions and then conclude with “Big Girls Don’t Cry” when Josh only gets an eighth of the spousal support he wanted and has to go back to flying Spirit. What? It’s not like he’s getting THAT much syndication residuals from Las Vegas. In actuality, it sounds more like Josh is working the “I tried!” angle.