Fergie and Josh Duhamel are the latest celebrity marriage casualty, and, considering what he’s allegedly like to flight attendants, I can only imagine how those divorce proceedings are going to go. Ideally, it would involve Fergie-Ferg crooning “MILF$” during alimony discussions and then conclude with “Big Girls Don’t Cry” when Josh only gets an eighth of the spousal support he wanted and has to go back to flying Spirit. What? It’s not like he’s getting THAT much syndication residuals from Las Vegas. In actuality, it sounds more like Josh is working the “I tried!” angle.
I guess you could say she fergalicious def, fergalicious def, fergalicious def, def-def-def-definitely didn’t want to be married to Josh Duhamel anymore. Or you could say Fergie and Josh have called it quits. Whichever works best for you (for me, it involves singing “Fergalicious“).
Last night, George Clooney and his tequila tasting partner Rande Gerber threw a pre-Halloween party sponsored by their tequila company, Casamigos, and – shock of all shocks, a bunch of Georgie’s famous friends showed up. Even though the Casamigos party was held on the day before Halloween, everyone still dressed up, because why wouldn’t you? When you’re rich as shit, you can afford to have your assistant stand in line outside of the Hell on Earth that is Party City 3 days before Halloween. Still, there’s always that one person who cannot muster a single fuck and shows up in regular clothes, and that person was Salma Hayek. Stars, they’re just like us!
There is literally nothing Halloween-y about Salma Hayek. It’s like she forgot about that shit, and decided to swing by on her way home from Barneys. Salma is giving me “pity pop-in“, and I love it. She probably told her rich-ass husband, François-Henri Pinault, that they were going to make an appearance at a party hosted by “some guy she worked with on From Dusk till Dawn” and assured him that it would “only take a second.”
Or maybe that is her costume: second wife of a French billionaire is a costume, right? But really, why bother putting in any effort when Jessica Alba is going to show up and shut everyone else down with her on-point Romy White costume.
That wig! You know someone is 100% into a costume when they spring for the good wig. For those of you screaming “BUT WHERE’S MICHELE???“, Jessica got a friend to dress up as Michele. I know, Cash Warren really dropped the ball on that one.
Here’s more famous types from George and Rande’s Casamigos party last night. Not pictured: George and Amal Clooney. I guess they decided to shock everyone and go as a couple who didn’t want to pose for the paps.
After being knocked up for what felt like 9 years, Stacy Ferguson from Kids Incorporated checked into a hospital in L.A. this morning and gave birth to a baby. A spokeswhore for Fergie and Josh Duhamel tell People that she had a son via C-section this morning. Their newborn son is only five seconds old, but I bet he’s already mastered the art of eye rolling since I’m sure some doctor made a “lady lumps” joke in the delivery room.
Fergie and Josh’s son weighed in at 7lbs and 10 oz. No, they didn’t pay tribute to meth by naming him Walter White Duhamel. They named him Axl Jack Duhamel instead.
Axl Jack isn’t the worst name. Yes, he’ll never stop hearing “Sweet Child ‘O Mine” jokes and Axl Jack sounds like something straight out of a frat boy nickname generator, but it could’ve been worse. There are worse things that Axl Jack will have to deal with besides his name like listening to Black Eyed Peas songs all the time and having will.i.cant for an uncle.
Fergie Announces She’s Knocked Up By Posting A Weird Photoshopped Picture Of Her And Josh Duhamel As Kids
To the surprise of nobody who saw the pictures of the Botoxed Muppet at the Safe Haven premiere two weeks ago (see pictures below), Fergie Ferg announced on Twitter today that one of her lady lumps has a fetus in it. After 4 years of marriage, the 37-year-old Belle of Hacienda Heights and 40-year-old Josh Duhamel are going to have a baby together and she just had to throw this picture up with her announcement.
My thoughts about this Photoshop Award-worthy picture are best expressed through that scared pussy’s “get me the fuck out of here” face. It’s nice seeing Fergie’s pre-meth face, but I didn’t need to see a young Josh Duhamel hanging out with her young self in her crib. I know that picture is supposed to be sweet, but it reminds me of the time my cousin’s friend told me that she pasted a picture of her current boyfriend’s head over her high school boyfriend’s head on her senior prom picture, because she wants to always remember him as her only love. Gross bitch!
And I’m sure one of Fergie’s friends or relatives already got her some maternity diapers, a Go Girl and an empty water bottle, because she couldn’t hold her piss before she was knocked up. And now that she’s knocked up, she’s just going to be pissing all the time everywhere.