The Dune remake that’s set to star everybody’s favorite little peach fucker Timothée Chalamet is about to get a hot beef injection with the addition of everybody’s favorite fish-man (sorry James Cameron, you lose again!) Jason Momoa. Jason will be playing the character of sword-master (tee-hee) Duncan Idaho. According to Deadline:
Momoa joins an already stellar cast of Timothée Chalamet, Rebecca Ferguson, Zendaya, Oscar Isaac, Dave Bautista, Stellan Skarsgård, Charlotte Rampling, Javier Bardem, and Josh Brolin. The script was written by (Denis) Villeneuve, Eric Roth and Jon Spaihts.
I tried to read Dune once and it did not go well (I kept falling asleep). I also tried to watch the 1984 David Lynch one, and that did not go well either (I fell asleep). Then my nerdy ass husband tried to make me watch the miniseries from 2000 that was on the Sci-Fi Channel and well, I think you can guess how that went (you guys, it was so boring and I was really tired, ok). Therefore, I only know enough about Dune to make jokes about spice eyes and sand worms. Which is plenty good enough for me! Thank god for Wikipedia though. I can tell you that Jason probably won’t have to cut off his hair and get divorced from Lisa Bonet, because according to the 1965 novel, Duncan is described as “a handsome man with ‘curling black hair’ to whom women are easily attracted”. So it sounds like they hit the nail on the head there.
If Hollywood had its own encyclopedia, there would most likely a little sub-chapter at the end of the chapter on actors titled “Allegedly Abusive Assholes.” You’d most likely find Josh Brolin in there, although you’d be hard pressed to find his thoughts on the matter. He’s never really spoken about his 2004 arrest for spousal battery against his then-wife Diane Lane. He was recently asked about that arrest, and he made it clear he’s really not that interested in explaining himself.
Things don’t sound too chummy between Josh Brolin and CGI-loving director James Cameron. Not that I ever assumed they were friends, but now I know they’re definitely not. Instead, things are awkward between them, and it’s all Avatar’s fault. I’m sure Avatar has caused many a fight between friends, family, and colleagues, but those were probably caused by arguments over how terrible that movie was. That’s not what Josh and James are salty about (well, not technically).
Deadpool 2 has started filming. Affable Canadian hardbody Ryan Reynolds is reprising his role as the chatty assassin with the hot bod and jacked-up face. Josh Brolin has joined the cast and is playing one of Deadpool’s frenemies, a cyborg mercenary from the future named Cable. Oh, don’t you love the convoluted comic book universe? Both of these dudes are currently in the gym working on their fitness. Deadpool creator Rob Liefeld and Ryan’s personal trainer Don Saladino Instagrammed the guys’ nipples for our viewing pleasure.
It looks like Josh Brolin has replaced “whiskey-fueled bar fights“ with “getting ass naked on Instagram” as his favorite pastime. When the Instagram THOT-in-training isn’t farting up his new wife’s ass on Instagram, he’s farting up his own. And like any good aspiring Instagram THOT, Josh looks for any excuse to slap the eyes of his followers with his naked 48-year-old body. Case in point: Barbra Streisand’s stepson celebrated Standing Rock’s victory by taking his chonies off and recreating The Lion King poster, for some reason. Praise Josh Brolin’s savior ass cheeks for saving Saving Rock! It was actually really brave of Josh to do that, because some hawk could’ve mistook his peen for a snake in trauma and tried to snatch it up.
Josh Brolin dropped in this caption with the pic:
Celebrate Standing Rock. #protectthesacred #humbled #reallife
If Josh did this before the pipeline project was finally stopped, for now, I would’ve suspected that he was an evil secret agent working for the oil transportation companies. Because one look at a naked, current day Josh Brolin walking naked at Standing Rock would’ve made the Sioux throw up their hands and say, “Okay, okay, MERCY! We give up!”
But what’s really offensive about that picture of Josh is that he didn’t give us a view of the front and add the caption: “My standing rock stands with Standing Rock!” Josh is probably saving that one for later.
Former champion booze brawler and Ryan Gosling’s fake ass accent-derider Josh Brolin got married to his former assistant yesterday. UsWeekly reports that Babs Streisand’s step-son wed Kathryn Boyd in a romantic ceremony in Cashiers, North Carolina. The guests included Babs and Josh’s dad James Brolin, the newly man-bunned Bradley Cooper, and Jimmy Kimmel’s not-so-secret sidepiece Matt Damon.
Josh and Kathryn began dating in March of 2013, which was only a month after UsWeekly confirmed he and his ex-wife Diane Lane had split. In a related inquiry, does anyone know if Tom Hardy is looking to hire a new assistant? Unfortunately, I got a D in Typing For Business in high school, but I have a host of other talents that don’t require pecking away at a keyboard, if you smell what I’m stepping in.
Josh isn’t just famous for his pretty good Tommy Lee Jones impression in otherwise shitty movies with no reason for existing. He had a notorious tendency to get thwacked and engage in ridiculous (and public) slapfights. He was also arrested for spousal battery in 2004 after ex-wife Diane rang up the police to report that he allegedly hit her. She didn’t file charges and the couple’s spokesperson claimed that it was a misunderstanding and that they were embarrassed the matter went this far.
Josh checked into rehab in November of 2013. The couple were engaged in May of last year. Best of luck, you two.
In other news, it turns out that Josh looks good nekkid if you stand several feet away and he’s sitting in such a way that his thigh is presented in the best possible trailer park light.