John Travolta’s wig tamers better Super Glue, Gorilla Glue, and cement glue his hair to his head, because Kevin Spacey is trying to snatch that shit and take the crown. Nobody can beat John Travolta’s flawless man wig game, but Kevin is giving him a run for his lace front.
At today’s London premiere of Baby Driver (and, I’m still fucking pissed it’s not a Latarian Milton biopic), Kevin Spacey worked that rug on his head and he didn’t even care that the hawks flying above were seconds away from swooping in after mistaking it for a squirrel in distress. Kevin also worked it for the cameras even though his makeup person did him wrong by not blending his face paint all the way. Kevin didn’t only wear the best hair at the Baby Driver premiere, he also wore the best ensemble.
Kevin’s co-stars (Jon Hamm, Ansel Elgort, Jamie Foxx, Lily James and Eiza Gonzalez) all wore stuffy outfits from the House of Boring, while Kevin went full mid-life crisis daddy chic. It looks like his twink friends (or the new Ken dolls) took him to Macy’s and gave him a totally hip and fresh makeover. That IS the look. And I bet that at the after-party for Baby Driver, Kevin went up to Ansel and Lily at the bar and said, “Issa ’bout to be savage ay eff tonight, sis!”
Jon Hamm did an interview with InStyle for their newest issue and he was asked about being single after breaking up with Jennifer Westfeldt, his partner of 15 years, in 2015. As The Hammaconda swiped through Tinder, its owner said this about the single life:
“It’s hard. It’s hard to be single after being together for a long time. It’s really hard. It sucks.”
Jon Hamm may be trying to fix that, because Page Six says that at an event for his new movie Baby Driver (which sadly isn’t a Latarian Milton biopic), Kate Beckinsale was magnet and he was steeeeeeeel.
It feels like every other day there’s a GQ Men of the Year Awards somewhere and I wonder if the world would continue to spin if GQ suddenly stopped giving dumb awards to famous men. Probably not, so they should keep on, keep on and they did in Sydney today.
Australia has many homegrown dudes that GQ could’ve honored, like Roger the Buff Kangaroo, but they imported a few pieces of American dude meat instead. They brought in Jon Hamm, Chris Evans and Scott Eastwood, who wore sunglasses on the red carpet, because he wanted to remind us that he’s got boiling hot used douche water running through his veins.
I’ll take Jon Hamm in any form, but he sometimes looks uncomfortable in a tuxedo. It’s as if you made Fred Flintstone wear tight pants and a suffocating shirt instead of the usual loose-fitting animal-print shift dress he always wears. The Hammaconda on the other hand… It’s always been a refined gentlepeen and I’m sure that underneath those pants, it’s wearing a monocle, a bow tie, a top hat and is delicately sipping on a flute full of champagne. The Hammaconda should stay in Australia to teach etiquette and manners to those Melbourne Cup messes. Jon Hamm can still come back to the U.S. Yes, the Hammaconda can stretch that far.
And here’s more pictures from the GQ Men of the Year Awards including some of Jai Courtney and ex-rapper, alleged celebrity and living Mannequin Challenge Iggy Azalea.
Actually, that’s not really out of the ordinary for me – I have a pretty hard-core addiction to yellow mustard (it’s my good shit, bad shit, and everything-in-between shit). So if anything, staring at Jennifer Lopez’s picnic spread-looking dress isn’t doing much more than acting as a reminder that it’s been all of 20 minutes since my last hit. I wish that was a joke, but it’s not – I literally just dipped potato chips in mustard (I call it Sadness Dip).
Crippling mustard dependency aside, I love what JLo is wearing, but it seems very un-JLo to me. Usually when JLo prepares for a fancy red carpet events, her stylists are given two simple instructions:
1. Make JLo look mucho sexy.
2. Make sure that whatever JLo is wearing has enough movement in the arms so she can easily push Casper Smart out of the way when she gets her picture taken.
But JLo’s Golden Globes ensemble doesn’t do either of those things! Yes, JLo looks sexy, but she doesn’t look JLo™ sexy. Like, how are we supposed to know how much industrial-grade high-density liquid body shimmer has been shellacked onto her cleavage if we can’t even seen it? Not to mention that mustard yellow isn’t a color found on JLo’s sexy Pantone color palette (the only colors being: silver, gold, golden bronze, bronze, and DAZZLING).
And how is she supposed to push Casper out of the way properly if she’s wearing a cape that limits her pushing arm to a measly 45-degrees of outstretch? Someone on JLo’s styling team is gonna get fired today.
Here’s more of Jennifer Lopez and Casper Smart (who clearly took advantage of the situation and managed to sneak into some red carpet photos), and a whole mess of fancy-dressed famous types from last night. My personal favorite (besides JLo, of course) is Kirsten Dunst, who looked like Elvira, Mistress of the Dark’s snobby old money Manhattan cousin.
Reminder: January Jones and her co-star from that Last Man on Earth show, Will Forte, were dating. That was a little fact I forgot about and right after I hit publish on this bitch, I can continue to forget about that little fact, because they’re no longer boning. A source tells UsWeekly that Will Forte no longer has to thaw out his dick with a blow dryer and a hot rag after doing it with January. January dumped Will after only 5 months of being a thing, because life is way too short and there’s way too much dick out there to stick with one for a long time.
As for why the actress isn’t on board with Forte, it may be due to the fact that she’s not looking for commitment. Jones has told pals that “relationships are a pain in the ass,” the insider says.
Tip for January: Whenever you feel that “pain in the ass” during a relationship, it’s time to switch lube brands and possibly look into getting some anus-numbing cream. But really, UsWeekly also put up a story yesterday about how newly single Jon Hamm and newly single January Jones spent a lot of time together at an Emmys after-party.
“Jon was in an amazing mood,” the source tells Us Weekly of Hamm’s demeanor at the post-Emmys party. “He spent most of the night nestled in a corner booth with January and a few show runners,” they added.
January also Instagrammed this picture of her with Don Draper:
Yeah, these two don’t really make sense to me. First of all, what kind of self-respecting home wrecker hooks up with a dude AFTER he breaks up with his long time partner? That is the opposite of home wrecker logic. Second of all, Jon Hamm is supposedly a needy man child who needs a mother figure to take care of him. If that’s the case, he should probably date January’s nanny. Because the minute he starts crying and saying he needs a hug, she’ll probably pick him up and drop him in the nanny’s lap.
And here’s Jon Hamm leaving the eye doctor’s office yesterday. There’s no need to press your eyeballs up against the screen to see if The Hammaconda made an appearance. I already did that.
When Jon Hamm’s acceptance was over last night, I wondered if he Hilary Swank’d it by not thanking his now ex-piece Jennifer Westfeldt. My ears didn’t hear the words, “Thank you, Jennifer Westfeldt,” but then again, I really wasn’t listening since all of my focus was on trying to spot any sign of the Hammaconda. (I always focus on the highly important things.) Jon Hamm did thank his partner/mother figure of 18 years…right after he thanked their dog first.