The cops were called on Jon and Kate Gosselin (Kate is pictured above with the president, because why the hell not) TWICE this month. And, unfortunately, it wasn’t just for expected shit, like Jon breaking into a storage facility looking for the remaining global supply of Ed Hardy t-shirts.
If you want to embarrass your children, drop them off at school wearing a muumuu and a mud mask. If you want to scar your children for life, pick them up from school wearing a full Freddy Krueger costume and carry a boombox blasting The Circle Of Life at full volume. No matter your ultimate goals for your child, what you should never do is have the cops break up an argument over the never-ending custody problems between you and your ex in the middle of the dentist’s office.
Sadly, as we all know, Jon and Kate Gosselin have already spoiled any chance they have of winning the title of Parent of the Year, so I guess they figured they had nothing to lose.
Jon and Kate Gosselin are like the roaches you see scattering around the kitchen that come out to taunt you with their existence every now and again. These mu’fuckas just refuse to call the time of death on their “celebrity,” because Kate is still pimping the kids out on TLC and Jon is now a stripper.
Yes, I know, you need a moment to go grab the lotion of your choice because the mental image of his pasty, busted biscuit can shaped body gyrating for the masses is setting your loins to BROIL. Well, unfortunately for all of us, Jon is more of a cock tease than the girl in high school who only gives out hand jobs.
Back when J. Harvey was a tyke and had to get a job behind the grill at Mickey D’s, his loving parents responded to his whining with an important life lesson – “there’s nobility to be found in any job, as long as you work hard and do your best.” They were wrong, of course. I was unable to keep up with the demand for Big Macs one Saturday, in addition to burning a co-worker with a white-hot fry basket while fielding an accusation from a harridan manageress that my McNuggets “weren’t fresh.” Nobility was in short shrift that day.
However, someone should console Ed Hardy’s most fallen angel, Unalamer Jon Gosselin, with my parents’ faulty wisdom. He’s gone from waiter to male stripper. His aging, Affliction tee-encased body might need some consoling hugs. Continue reading
For the past several years, Jon Gosselin (seen above with his look-alike brother) and his ex-wife (and high-class hair pioneer/career harpy) Kate Gosselin have worked out a custody agreement so that their 8 kids have visitation with him while she has full physical custody. Every once in awhile, Jon seems to pop his head out of his Ed Hardy-lined gopher hole to tell the world that he wants more time with his kids. Unfortunately for him, it seems the feeling isn’t entirely mutual and his 15-year-old twin daughters Mady and Cara hit him with a very public “No Thanks” back in August. But Jon won’t let that stop him from trying to get joint custody.
Kate Gosselin’s “irate Bath & BodyWorks customer” hair from the Jon & Kate Plus 8 days might be long gone, but the awkward awfulness between her and her ex-husband Jon Gosselin lives on. The latest real-life episode of Jon & Kate Still H8 Each Other happened earlier this week, and of course it’s a mess.