Early Reviews Of “Mary Poppins Returns” Are Looking Good. Can We Say The Same About The Fashions At The Premiere?
Last night was the world premiere of the much anticipated/hyped Mary Poppins Returns starring Emily Blunt as everybody’s favorite bitchy babysitter. The early reviews are in, and either nobody wants to be the Grinch who shat on Christmas, or it hit its mark. According to Cinema Blend, the majority of the reviews are overwhelmingly positive. One critic called it “practically perfect in every way“. And for the most part, the red carpet looks at the premiere were pretty good too, for the women and children. However, there was a problem in the menswear department.
John Stamos Was Really, Really Excited To Tell The Story About The Time “Fuller House” Was Playing In The Jack Off Room At A Fertility Clinic
I was going to throw a “How rude” GIF into this post, but Michelle Tanner doesn’t deserve to be associated with this unnecessary sucioness. She’s been through enough!
John Stamos was on Busy Tonight (aka Busy Philips’ Instagram page but with a studio audience) to promote the beauty and magnificence of John Stamos (and some other stuff too, who cares), and Busy asked him an innocent question about what he and his wife Mrs. John Stamos (I’m sure that’s what he calls her) binge-watched while taking care of their son Billy (who is SO lucky to have John Stamos’ genes). John joked that they binged Full House (you know it wasn’t a joke), and then he nearly made a sperm sample in his panties over getting to tell everyone a story he’s been waiting to tell. John really has been wanting to dribble at the mouth about how he was about to milk a baby batter nut into a cup at a fertility place when he turned on the TV and Fuller House was playing. Do I want the image of John Stamos fapping, sure, but now I miss a more innocent time when I didn’t have the dark-sided image of John Stamos fapping to Fuller House.
The American Music Awards doesn’t have the respectability of the Grammys or the pizazz of the MTV VMAs, but it’s got…well, it’s got a pointy award and people that show up, and that’s all you really need for a music award show. As such, guests still put in some effort for the red carpet. Post Malone’s hair is still a mess and he’s got those “Yes I’ve been slowly picking off my Shellac manicure” nails, but he also came through with a bedazzled belt buckle and nudie suit made by Union Western Clothing featuring his initials and several snakes. I guess he didn’t get the memo that Taylor Swift had the whole snake thing locked down last night. Oh well, it still pulled his whole look together. That is, if he was going for a look that tells people he’s a very successful businessman who sells snakes at an Alabama swap meet.
On Saturday, 54-year-old John Stamos to his pregnant 31-year-old model/actress girlfriend Caitlin McHugh. People says the wedding took place at the Little Brown Church in Studio City, CA, while the reception was held back at John’s house in Beverly Hills. It sounds like it was all very nice, except for the fact Caitlin’s hotel room was robbed the night before and the thieves made off with all her wedding day jewels.
Congratulations To John Stamos For Getting The Cover Of People Magazine (Oh Yeah, And Also For Making A Baby With His Fiancée)
Just a month ago, John Stamos declared that he, John Stamos, is ready to bestow his precious jizz onto some lucky ovary eggs. And today, John Stamos graciously shared his face with the masses to announce that he did bestow his precious jizz onto some lucky ovaries eggs belonging to his fiancée whose name doesn’t really matter since this is all about John Stamos!
And yes, I imagine that John Stamos approached his fiancee as she lay on the bed, dropped his towel and said, “I, John Stamos, am ready to procreate,” before dimming the lights by clapping.