Category: John Mayer

The Swifties Are After John Mayer Again Over A Bonus Track On Taylor Swift’s Album “Midnights”

October 21, 2022 / Posted by:

After their Midnights feeding frenzy, The Swifties have had just enough time to regroup, sharpen their eyeliner pencils to a deadly point and charge into battle against (checks notes, checks calendar, checks notes again, remembers this is Taylor Swift we’re dealing with, makes the sign of the cross and prays for Jake Gyllenhaal, checks notes again and shrugs) John Mayer.

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John Mayer Responds To Getting Hate From Taylor Swift Fans

November 16, 2021 / Posted by:

Way back in 2009 John Mayer (then 32) dated Taylor Swift (then 19). The next year Taylor released the song Dear John on her third album, Speak Now, which was “allegedly” about her brief stay at Casa del Slimy-Starfucker. Over the years passionate Swifties have come for John online, and it seems their hate was reignited after last week’s release of Red (Taylor’s Version). John’s been getting tons of rude DMs, and he responded to one teen Swifty who wrote, “fuck yourself you ugly bitch i hope you choke on something.” My knee-jerk reply would be something super-cool like, “Your dad’s dick is too small for me to choke on!” but John’s “curious mind” opted for a more mature discussion. Blah blah blah! Continue reading

John Mayer Says He Cares A “Great Deal” For Cazzie David

May 11, 2021 / Posted by:

Looks like John Mayer’s David Duke cock may have softened over the years. According to E!, John’s Johnson might currently be pointed towards Cazzie David, a nice Jewish girl, and Larry David’s daughter. Cazzie recently celebrated her 27th birthday which John commemorated with a post in his Instagram Stories saying “I care for you a great deal!” which might help explain why, despite the bravado, John claims to have only slept with six women. Not at a time. Ever! Which, if true, makes him a safer bet, crabs wise, than Cazzie’s ex Pete Davidson so, growth?

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Jessica Simpson Claims That Publicists Advised Their Clients Not To Date Her

May 2, 2021 / Posted by:

While we’re clearly supposed to wonder exactly which clients were told to steer clear of Jessica Simpson, now 40, way back in 2005 when she divorced Nick Lachey; all I can do is scratch my head at why Jessica’s publicist at the time didn’t go full four-legged parent, grab her by the scruff of the neck, plop her behind a tree, and warn her not to date professional douchewad and all-around indiscreet creepJohn Mayer. This is the sound advice we all need in life and would have spared her a lot of misery.

This question will forever go unanswered, and John is now douchebagging his way through the totally pristine and untrodden (to him) terrain of white male privilege, wondering little more than how to parlay this pseudo-woke chapter into landing more napalm ass. Jessica, on the other hand, took some time out from wearing real fur while promoting her memoir, Open Book, to appear on The Drew Barrymore Show and talked about how back in the day, publicists told their clients to RUUUUN from her.

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Jessica Simpson Says She Doesn’t Need An Apology From John Mayer

March 26, 2021 / Posted by:

We’ve learned a lot about Jessica Simpson’s life, thanks to her aptly titled memoir Open Book. There’s not a lot Jessica wouldn’t share, save for some confirming details about her dad’s personal life. It’s where we also learned what it was like being John Mayer’s girlfriend, which…wasn’t a great time for her. I’m sure plenty of people have nudged at John Mayer to put out a public apology to Jessica for any number of things (the sexual napalm comment, for example). But Jessica says she doesn’t need any of that, she’s good.

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John Mayer Learned About Male Privilege While Watching “Framing Britney Spears” 

February 24, 2021 / Posted by:

John Mayer is 43 years old and has been involved in the music industry for over two decades. But recently he watched Framing Britney Spears and boy did he learn some new things! Speaking with Andy Cohen on Andy’s SiriusXM show Radio Andy, John explained that the documentary taught him that he’s had male privilege. It makes sense that John just came to that realization because as you know, this is a new topic!

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