Category: John Goodman
Kristen Wiig Once Told John Goodman To Wait A Minute When He Tried To Talk To Her. JAIL HER!
There are many things that are perfectly okay to swat away. Those things include annoying mosquitos, annoying mosquitos’ human cousin Taylor Swift, a relative asking you for a loan, your hungry child asking you for food while you’re trying to watch Real Housewives of Atlanta, etc… There are also things that are not okay to swat away no matter what and one of those things is your 80s-90s TV daddy John Goodman. Kristen Wiig apparently broke that rule and I demand that she pay the price for that by spending the rest of her days on Death Row!
Open Post: Hosted By John Goodman
John Goodman is skinny, we’ve all seen Justin Bieber’s dick and we can get an Egg McMuffin all day, every day. Everything in the world is different now.
For years, John Goodman has talked about his journey to SkinnyVille, and it all started when he gave up the sweet nectar in 2007. John once told David Letterman that he was 400 pounds at his biggest and thanks to putting healthier things in his mouth and exercising, the chunk has slowly melted off of his body and it keeps melting off. At last night’s premiere of Trumbo at the BFI London Film Festival, a bunch of people asked, “Harpo, who dis skinny woman?“, when a FUPA-less John Goodman strolled on by. A bunch of melodramatic people are saying shit like, “That’s not John Goodman!” I still see John Goodman.
I loved Dan Conner when he was fat and I love Dan Conner now. But since 2015 is the year when our favorites say and do some fucked-up shit, I’m not going to be too surprised if I hear that he lost the weight after he sacrificed a litter of kittens to the devil.
And here’s more of John Goodman with his co-stars Bryan Cranston and Dame Helen Mirren, who dressed up like a Who from Whoville going to a baby’s christening.
Pics: Wenn.com
Not The Look: Bradley Cooper’s Middle Parted Hair
If you’re a dude and you’re not 1995 Nick Carter or a highly skilled Canadian carpenter who can easily turn a dingy basement into an $800/a month apartment, then you should proceed with caution when attempting to part your hair in the middle. Note to dudes everywhere: the middle part is a privilege and not a right.
God gave most dudes fingers and just because we have God-given fingers doesn’t mean we should use that shit to part our hair in the middle. Sometimes a finger does you good (see: self-fingering) and sometimes it does you wrong (see: middle parted hair). Learn from Bradley Cooper’s ass. B. Coop wore middle parted hair to the National Board of Review Awards Gala in NYC last night and it made him look like an overgrown man child who spends his lunch break licking the crotch part of ladies panties in the intimate apparel section at JcPenney. That’s the kind of evil power the middle part has. Part with caution!
Here’s some dudes at last night’s National Board of Review Awards Gala who got the memo and did not attempt the middle part: Ben Affleck, Chris Tucker, John C. Reilly and Daniel Craig.
John Goodman: Now With Less FUPA
On the left is John Goodman last year looking like Uncle Fester after eating the entire Addams Family, and on the right is John Goodman at last night’s AFI Tribute to Mike Nichols. Yes, John lost at least 2 DJs!
You go, Dan Connor! Although, I hope he doesn’t go too far, because I don’t know if I’m ready for a super skinny Dan Connor.
