As expected, TV Line is reporting that ABC has ordered a spin-off of their Roseanne revival tentatively titled The Conners. Just like that, the Roseanne in Roseanne disappears into the Roseanne graveyard of things we never speak of again, like Dan’s death, or Lonnie Anderson.
Roseanne Barr’s holy conscious may finally be cleared, everyone! No, not because she’s stopped being offensive, racist or crazy–that’s not what’s been keeping her up at night. Roseanne (pictured above with the one black person she knows, 8-year-old co-star, actress Jayden Rey) no longer needs to worry her pure soul about putting a bunch of wealthy Caucasian actors out of work: the Roseanne spinoff is close to confirmed!
Roseanne Barr Begged ABC Not To Dump Her Show, And There’s A Chance They’ll Bring It Back Without Her
It took Mickey Mouse approximately forty-five seconds to gather one of his biggest cash cows, the Roseanne revival, and shoot it out back after Roseanne Barr earned a place as KKK Monthly’s Person of the Year by comparing Valerie Jarrett to an ape. Even though Roseanne could’ve brought in $65 million in ad sales for its second season, ABC canceled it after one of its producers Wanda Sykes washed her hands of it and several cast members clutched their pearls while cooing, “I do declare, I am disgusted that Roseanne tweeted the kind of tweet she’s tweeted many times over the years!” Roseanne tweeted yesterday that she begged ABC to keep the show, and now TMZ is saying that ABC may keep the show but it’ll be Roseanne without Roseanne. So, NOseanne, I guess.
ABC just released a passel of promos for the upcoming season of Roseanne and they all feature Dan! And no, he’s not a zombie though that would have been one way to go. Dan Conner, played by John Goodman, is alive and well and parked on that disaster of a couch, despite the fact that he was killed off in the 1997 series finale. And in true Roseanne fashion, Roseanne’s tongue is all up in her cheek in the promo that kind of sort of acknowledges Dan’s passing.
All together now: WHERE ART THOU FUCKING CRYSTAL?
29 years ago today, Roseanne debuted on ABC, and… wait, hold up for a second. I have to buzz my nurse to bring me a fresh big boy nappy along with my lunch of blended peas porridge. I made a poopy in the diaper she put on me this morning. And yes, I’m writing this from a nursing home since I’m old. I’m “I remember watching Roseanne’s pilot episode” old.
This is good news, because John Goodman playing the wise-cracking ghost of sexy everyman dad, Dan Conner, would have been a disaster on par with that final season lottery dream mess.
Roseanne’s infamous (as in infamously terrible) final season ended with the revelation that husband Dan actually hadn’t survived his heart attack. The show is coming back to ABC for an eight-episode stint, and TV Line reports that they’re going to make like none of that ever happened. Continue reading