All together now: WHERE ART THOU FUCKING CRYSTAL?
29 years ago today, Roseanne debuted on ABC, and… wait, hold up for a second. I have to buzz my nurse to bring me a fresh big boy nappy along with my lunch of blended peas porridge. I made a poopy in the diaper she put on me this morning. And yes, I’m writing this from a nursing home since I’m old. I’m “I remember watching Roseanne’s pilot episode” old.
This is good news, because John Goodman playing the wise-cracking ghost of sexy everyman dad, Dan Conner, would have been a disaster on par with that final season lottery dream mess.
Roseanne’s infamous (as in infamously terrible) final season ended with the revelation that husband Dan actually hadn’t survived his heart attack. The show is coming back to ABC for an eight-episode stint, and TV Line reports that they’re going to make like none of that ever happened. Continue reading
Since pretty much every show has been brought back from the dead (see: Will & Grace, Gilmore Girls, Arrested Development, Full House, Dynasty and One Day At A Time), I wake up every morning hoping that it’ll be the day that Hollywood finally makes the dreams of everyone come true by ordering a revival of It’s A Living! That didn’t happen today, but one of my other favorite shows (if I forget about everything that happened post-lottery win) is getting a revival.
Roseanne was the show that, when I was growing up, made me think “wow, there are other families like my family out there.” As opposed to the other sitcoms with the ridiculously nice houses and overly clean teens running around, Roseanne was gritty. They ate fast food, frequently couldn’t pay the bills, and engaged in girl-on-girl action with Mariel Hemingway. Just like the Harveys!
TV sarcasm queen Darlene Conner (Sara Gilbert) grew up to produce and co-host The Talk. Dan Conner (John Goodman) remained a sexy (I type that with little to no sarcasm) national treasure, and is currently starring in that Kong: Skull Island movie. The two of them shot this bit as their Roseanne characters on Sara’s show. I’ve never watched The Talk, and I probably never will. But this is still adorable.
Watch the clip below. After you’re done with that, check out the gallery of pictures of the always loveable John Goodman being absolutely precious (with Jeff Bridges, Tom Hiddleston, and Brie Larson!) while receiving his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
Brie Larson won a lot of Best Actress awards last year for Room, so this year she got the job of presenting Best Actor at a few award shows. Casey Affleck won many Best Actor awards this year. Brie had to say Casey’s name twice and when she did, she did it with the least amount of enthusiasm as possible. I’ve seen STD results delivered with more oomph. Brie’s excitement level was set to “I’d Rather Be At The DMV On A Monday Morning” when she handed Casey the Golden Globe, and she didn’t clap when he won the Oscar. Brie meant to do all that.
There are many things that are perfectly okay to swat away. Those things include annoying mosquitos, annoying mosquitos’ human cousin Taylor Swift, a relative asking you for a loan, your hungry child asking you for food while you’re trying to watch Real Housewives of Atlanta, etc… There are also things that are not okay to swat away no matter what and one of those things is your 80s-90s TV daddy John Goodman. Kristen Wiig apparently broke that rule and I demand that she pay the price for that by spending the rest of her days on Death Row!