What In Caddyshack Hobo Hell?

No, this is not a picture of Sugar Bear’s best man. John Galliano wishes he could bring the hillbilly glamour like that.

John Galliano went for a walk with Vogue’s Grace Coddington in NYC yesterday and he looked like some kind of monster that lives inside of a Salvation Army donation bin and only crawls out in the daylight hours to terrorize the masses. John didn’t know if he wanted to look like Max Headroom, a Sweet Valley high dropout, a low-tier member of Duck Dynasty or a gay golf caddie, so he wore all those looks at once.

This some “memaw not giving one fuck while going to Walmart to buy cigs and boxed wine” shit. I don’t know what’s hurting my eyes more: that raggedy Lindsay Lohan hair or those fringed bagpiper shorts eating a pair of camo shorts.

And even that dog doesn’t know what to think and that’s saying a lot since dogs in NYC have seen some jacked up shit.

And Here’s John Galliano Dressed Like A Dandy Hasidic Jew…I Think

John Galliano was convicted of anti-semitism in France two years ago after he was caught on video declaring his love for Hitler and telling a group of women that they would be gassed today if Hitler was still around. Dior fired him and the only jobs in fashion he could get involved designing the uniforms for Jesse James’ bike shop and cutting dick holes into the Nazi uniforms that Mel Gibson likes to wear while getting a pre-jacuzzi blow job. Bitch fell hard. But then Oscar de la Renta hired Galliano to help design his latest collection. Oscar de la Renta showed his new collection at New York Fashion Week yesterday and Galliano was spotted dressed like this while making his way to the show.

Some people think that Galliano was at it again. The New York Post put this picture on their cover with the word SHMUCK and accused his evil ass of mocking Hasidic Jews. But Abraham Foxman of the Anti-Defamation League tells the Observer that the Post is being ridiculous as shit, because he thinks Galliano is dressed nothing like a Hasidic Jew.

“The New York Post story is a ridiculous, absurd distortion. There is no truth to their accusation that John Galliano was dressed in Hasidic garb, and anyone familiar with the dress of traditional Orthodox Jews should not mistake what Galliano is wearing in the photograph as ‘Hasidic garb.’

This is John Galliano being John Galliano. His dress is always eccentric and his hair is always worn long. This is, at the very least, ignorance on the part of the reporters and editors at the Post, or, at worst, a deliberate, malicious distortion in an effort to sell newspapers. For the past year and a half, Mr. Galliano has been on a pilgrimage to learn from and grow from his mistakes. Now people are trying to distort and destroy him. He has spent hours with me and with others in the European Jewish community, including rabbis and Holocaust scholars, in an effort to better understand himself and to learn from his past mistakes. He is trying very hard to atone.”

On one hand, Galliano is a board certified STUNT QUEEN cunt so I wouldn’t put it past him. On the other hand, besides the hair icicle curls falling down his face and the black coat, this look doesn’t completely scream out Hasidic Jewish person to me. If anything, he looks like Charlie Chaplin as a Hassidic Jew. Wait, didn’t Hitler HATE Charlie Chaplin? The plot thins!

Galliano Guilty Of Anti-Semitic Hate Talk

The cartoon villain who basically tied his job at Dior to the train tracks when he launched verbal swastika after verbal swastika from his tongue on two occasions at a bar in Paris was stamped with the word GUILTY by le court this morning. John Galliano was facing 6 months of trimming his precious stache with his own fingernails and his cell mate’s teeth in prison, but the court spared him of jail time. They threw a suspended $8,500 fine at him and are also making him pay one euro to his victims as a symbolic act. THEATER QUEENS. Galliano won’t have to pull out $8,500 from his coin purse if he keeps his “You dirty Jew with ugly shoes!!!” comments to himself for the next five years.

Back in February, Galliano was secretly recorded telling two people that he loves Hitler and all their forefathers would’ve been gassed. In France, that anti-Semitic stuff isn’t a joke and so they charged Galliano with a hate crime. Galliano blamed it on stress from work, the death of his father, his strained relationship with Natasha Fatale and his addiction to the sweet nectar and pills. After he was fired from Dior, Galliano checked into a rehab clinic in Arizona and hasn’t really been heard from since. Galliano wasn’t in court today, but his lawyer said that he’s “relieved” this is all over and called the court’s decision “wise.”

After all this, Galliano is out a job, an invitation to Natalie Portman’s baby’s bris, two Euros and other 90 Euros for court fees. The French court basically just slapped that dandy on the wrist and told him to never do it again. But they really should’ve punished his ass by ordering him to stay away from pin curl clips and Nazi-approved eyebrow stencils. Nope, I don’t appreciate that his brows are Heiling Hitler in opposite directions.

via People

Kunty Karl Finally Speaks Out About The Galliano Situation

John Galliano sort of, not really apologized in a statement for being a drunken, belligerent mess in public, but he denies that he’s an anti-Semite. Galliano used the “BUT SHE STARTED IT!” excuse and says that the allegation that he called someone a “dirty Jew face” is false. But Captain Hook’s second cousin twice removed from the flat iron didn’t talk about the video of him giving the Hitler salute with his tongue.

The full statement is here for your eye-rolling pleasure, but the real shit you should spend your time with is Kunty Karl’s slappity slap slap to Galliano’s face. But Galliano is up first:

Since the events of last Thursday evening I have not been able to make any public comment on what took place based upon advice from my French lawyer. However, given the continuing delays at the French Prosecutor’s Office I should make my position clear.

I completely deny the claims made against me and have fully co-operated with the police investigation.

A number of independent witnesses have given evidence and have told the police that I was subjected to verbal harassment and an unprovoked assault when an individual tried to hit me with a chair having taken violent exception to my look and my clothing. For these reasons I have commenced proceedings for defamation and the threats made against me.

However, I fully accept that the accusations made against me have greatly shocked and upset people.

I must take responsibility for the circumstances in which I found myself and for allowing myself to be seen to be behaving in the worst possible light.
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I only have myself to blame and I know that I must face up to my own failures and that I must work hard to gain people’s understanding and compassion. To start this process I am seeking help and all I can hope for in time is to address the personal failure which led to these circumstances and try and earn people’s forgiveness.

I have fought my entire life against prejudice, intolerance and discrimination, having been subjected to it myself. In all my work my inspiration has been to unite people of every race, creed, religion and sexuality by celebrating their cultural and ethnic diversity through fashion. That remains my guiding light.

Anti-semitism and racism have no part in our society. I unreservedly apologise for my behaviour in causing any offence.

And here’s Kunty Karl doing what he does best. Without commercial interruption!

“I’m furious, if you want to know. I’m furious that it could happen, because the question is no longer even whether he really said it. The image has gone around the world. It’s a horrible image for fashion, because they think that every designer and everything in fashion is like this. This is what makes me crazy in that story. The thing is, we are a business world where, especially today, with the Internet, one has to be more careful than ever, especially if you are a publicly known person. You cannot go in the street and be drunk — there are things you cannot do… I’m furious with him because of the harm he did to LVMH and [chairman and ceo] Bernard Arnault, who is a friend, and who supported him more than he supported any other designer in his group, because Dior is his favorite label. It’s as if he had his child hurt.”

I absolutely love that the strings of dried human tears on Kunty Karl’s taint aren’t melting because of what Galliano said, they’re melting because of what he’s doing to the fashion industry! THINK OF THE FASHION INDUSTRY! It’s like if someone kicked a kitten and blood splattered on his new shoes. The first thing he’d shout out is: “MY SHOOOOES!” The cunt stays cunty, and I love it.

Just add Galliano to the pile of things that Kunty Karl hates including: children, fat people, Harry Potter, Muggles in general, smiles, sunlight, flowers, oxygen and (enter everything that’s found in a Disney movie here).

And this just in, Le Parisien (via HuffPo) reports that he will be tried for making a racial slur in public. Galliano could get up to 6 months in prison if convinced. Oh, I hope Kunty Karl is called as a character witness. Imagine him fanning himself on the stand…

The Booze Made Him Love Hitler!

Patricia Field (FYI: her stepfather is Jewish so she knows) defended John Galliano’s drunken anti-Semetic rant by saying that it’s theater, it’s farce and it’s not unlike Mel Brooks’ “Springtime for Hitler” number from the SATIRICAL MOVIE The Producers. So I’m sure Patricia will look at this picture of Galliano dressed like a Hasidic pimp and scream, “SEE! THEATEREY! FARCERY! COMEDY! FASHION! DRAMA! BURP! FART! BOOM!” But what is Patricia saying about Galliano checking in to rehab. Do they have rehab for addiction to theater (if so, send Anne Hathaway)?

Because anonymous sources close to Galliano tell The New York Times that he has taken the advice of Naomi Campbell and Kate Moss by checking into a rehab clinic. Sources think he’s at The Meadows in Arizona where Donatella Versace and Elton John were treated. Galliano has kept his Hitler-kissing lips shut throughout this entire mess, so of course he’s not going to confirm that he’s standing in the room of a rehab clinic and announcing, “My name is John Galliano and I’m addicted to worshiping Hitler when the booze gets me in the wrong place. Blehehehehehehe…”

This “rehab after racist rant” shit is really a major trend. Mel Gibson did it first, then Jade Goody (R.I.P.), then Vanilla Gorilla, then JRM, and now Galliano. Why is booze always taking the blame? Why is booze always the fall bitch? Why is booze always thrown under the bus?! WHY! WHY! WHY! If you took away my drinking privileges, I wouldn’t be a dumb drunk slut anymore, but I would be a dumb sober slut instead. The only that would change is I wouldn’t heave on the peen after misjudging my gag reflex and I don’t think my fuck partner would kick me out of his apartment for passing out mid-thrust. Hmmm. I wonder if The Meadows can help me with that?

(Image via Fame Pictures)

Bitch Got Fired: The Galliano Edition

When Natalie Portman speaks, EVERYBODY listens (delivered in sarcasm leftovers wrapped in a take-home swan). The president of Dior announced today that they have taken their relationship John Galliano, tied it to the tracks and cackled as a speeding train ran over it. They have fired John Galliano after the whole “I love Hitler” mess. Their statement from The NY Times:

“I condemn most firmly the statements made by John Galliano which are a total contradiction with the essential values that have always been defended by the House of Christian Dior.”

Dior hasn’t announced if they will cancel their show in Paris this week.

As for Galliano’s future, who knows. I’m sure he’s already getting offers to design Vanilla Gorilla’s heil couture line of Nazi uniforms or to exclusively style Qadhafi. But I think Galliano will eventually accept the invitation to become one of Charlie Sheen’s goddesses.