Any way to make a little extra cash, I guess. I’m joking, of course; as fas as I know, Kanye West hasn’t released a line of formal pantyhose refugee rags. I do, however, know that Rooney Mara’s Mad Max-meets-washing your dirty lace panties in the sink look from the BAFTAs last night is courtesy of Kanye’s best boo Riccardo Tisci and Givenchy, which actually makes a lot of sense.
I bet this dress started out as a sketch for a normal red carpet gown, but then Riccardo made the mistake of showing it to Kanye during one of their Friday night No Kims Allowed sleepovers in France. That’s when Kanye whipped out his favorite beige marker and book of funeral home curtain samples and turned it into the decomposing hobo bride couture you see above. And of course Rooney loved it, because she loves looking like a haunted vintage doll on prom night.
Rooney Mara wasn’t the only one who showed up to the British Oscars looking like a damp mess. Her Carol co-star Cate Blanchett, who usually gives ten tons of WTF excellence, showed up in some kind of tapestry on the top/goth Christmas Tree garland on the bottom thing. Although it does look like her tapestry is spreading down her body like an expensive rash, and Rich Lady Rash is a look I can get behind.
Here’s more fancy-dressed famous types from last night, including Kate Winslet looking like a chick whose goal is to bang Gordon Gekko and Kate Capshaw giving you “I cut my bangs in the limo on the ride over!” realness.
Dude in the back whose thinking, “Should I fap to this or not?“, is all of us.
Now that we’ve gotten the attention whores of the Star Wars: The Force Awakens premiere out of the way, here’s the people who were contractually obligated to be there since they’re in the damn thing. You know, I’d much rather see pictures of Oscar Isaac and John Boyega 69 in the middle of a Stormtrooper circle jerk. But when the universe gives you pictures of the Guatemalan hot piece dry topping the spawn of Jar Jar Binks and Goofy (aka Adam Driver aka Adam from Girls) while checking his tits for lumps, you take them and you don’t complain.
But the real star of last night’s red carpet was Carrie Fisher. Carrie Fisher left the real star of her family, Gary Fisher, at home, because he’s probably exhausted from her dragging him around for the press tour and she didn’t want him to die of boredom while watching that shit. During the live stream of the premiere, Carrie, her daughter Billie Lourd and Oscar Isaac took turns interviewing each other and it was messier than her outfit.
I wasn’t planning on seeing Star Whores, but if you tell me that there’s a long scene where General Leia destroys the enemy by making their brains combust while interviewing them, I’ll get in line now.