Category: Joe Manganiello

Colton Haynes And Jeff Leatham Got Married By Pimp Mama Kris

October 28, 2017 / Posted by:

When 29-year-old Colton Haynes got engaged to his 46-year-old flower daddy Jeff Leatham (he’s a floral designer), it was a big, gay extravaganza complete with fireworks, drama and an appearance by Cher. So when I heard they were getting married this weekend, I prepared to explode into a tornado of glitter from the glorious gayness of their wedding. I expected to see Barbra Streisand softly yodel out Evergreen while officiating their ceremony from a giant crystal swan covered with rhinestone-encrusted white orchids imported from Thailand. But I guess all their money was spent on the engagement ceremony, because they had to settle for Pimp Mama Kris as their officiant.

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Ben Affleck’s “The Batman” Script Has Been Jettisoned

July 15, 2017 / Posted by:

Slowly but surely, Ben Affleck‘s ties to the upcoming film The Batman are vanishing. First, his canvas director’s chair with “LISTLESS BATMAN” emblazoned on the back was folded up and put into storage. Now, the script he wrote for the movie is no longer in play. The sad thing is, the Batman outcome that Ben wants (to no longer BE Batman), doesn’t look like it’s happening anytime soon.

The Batman’s new director Matt Reeves revealed on MTV’s Happy Sad Confused podcast (via The Hollywood Reporter) that he won’t be using the script Ben wrote. You can safely assume that you will no longer be seeing any scenes in The Batman wherein Batman looks off his face at a blackjack table with a bevy of nubile nannies surrounding his codpiece. Continue reading

Open Post: Hosted By Ariel Winter Serving Demure Elegance At The Premiere Of A Kids’ Movie

April 2, 2017 / Posted by:

Keep your eyes up, Papa, keep your eyes up, you don’t need to get a Smurf boner in your leggings at the premiere of a children’s movie.” – Papa Smurf to himself in that picture, obviously.

The last Smurfs movie only came out in 2013, but Sony has already rebooted it with an all new voice cast. Smurfs: The Lost Village had its premiere in Culver City, CA yesterday and Ariel Winter, who does the voice of Smurf Lily, showed up in an ensemble that once again screamed: I am not the nerd chick I play on Modern Family! Ariel wore a stunning dress that looks like it was made with motel curtains from the 70s and pantyhose. That mess is something Kylie Jenner would design if she did a line for Fashion Nova.

Sure, Ariel wore that to the premiere of a children’s movie during the day and some may think that look is highly inappropriate for the occasion, but I say that it’s highly practical. Maybe Ariel was hitting up Florentine Gardens, or some other club, afterward and what’s really highly inappropriate is flashing drivers as you’re changing in the backseat of a car while driving to the club. Besides, Ariel knew she had to bring a touch of sophistication and glamour to the event since the Smurfs always wear the same boring and homely thing. I mean, if Papa Smurf insisted on wearing another pair of leggings, he could’ve glamour’d it up a bit by wearing leggings with cut-outs or rhinestones. Boring bitch!

Here’s more pictures from yesterday’s premiere including a couple of Joe ManJello holding a Smurfette stuffed doll. If you’re a plushie who’s really into Joe ManJello, those pictures must be a wet dream fantasy come-to-life for you.

Pics: AP, Wenn.com

Brie Larson Not Clapping For Casey Affleck Meant Exactly What You Thought It Meant

March 9, 2017 / Posted by:

Brie Larson won a lot of Best Actress awards last year for Room, so this year she got the job of presenting Best Actor at a few award shows. Casey Affleck won many Best Actor awards this year. Brie had to say Casey’s name twice and when she did, she did it with the least amount of enthusiasm as possible. I’ve seen STD results delivered with more oomph. Brie’s excitement level was set to “I’d Rather Be At The DMV On A Monday Morningwhen she handed Casey the Golden Globe, and she didn’t clap when he won the Oscar. Brie meant to do all that.

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Kate Hudson Went With Both Visible Underboob And Visible Underwear At The SAG Awards

January 30, 2017 / Posted by:

Because why decide on just one when you can help yourself to both? Kate Hudson wanted it all: underboob, underwear, sequined black censor bars, a giant flower putting another flower in a choke-hold, fancy little capes for her shoulders. Kate pulled up to fashion’s drive-thru speaker and ordered everything on the menu.

Razzie nominee Kate Hudson was at the SAG Awards last night as a presenter, which might be why she went red carpet casual by wearing a Dior dress with boxers underneath. If she tries to conceal her underwear by pulling her dress up higher, she’s gonna flash a whole lot of nipple. If she tries to cover up her underboob by pulling her top down a little, she’s going to show tons of underwear. Ha, listen to me – acting like Goldie’s thirsty daughter would ever be concerned with covering up an underboob situation.

Hints of glittery titty was a bit of a theme last night.

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Joe Manganiello Is In The Hospital

April 19, 2016 / Posted by:

That sound you just heard was every single nurse in that hospital enthusiastically volunteering for sponge bath duty. TMZ says that professional hunk Joe Manganiello had to take a trip to the hospital recently. Sources say Big Dick Richie had a big problem with his appendix last week (appendicitis), and his doctor decided to remove it. Evicting your appendix is one of those surgeries that sound like they’d be simple enough, like removing your tonsils or tightening the hole of your choice, but sometimes there are complications. And in Joe’s case, there were complications.

TMZ doesn’t know exactly what happened to Joe when they tried to remove his appendix, but one source claims his appendix burst. It probably stared for too long at Joe’s panty-dampening torso muscles and exploded from excessive horniness. Joe was supposed to bring his sexy self to an event on Sunday night, but he had to cancel because he was still in the hospital. However, Joe’s rep claims he missed that event on Sunday because of a “chronic condition.” His poor health also forced him to drop out the History Channel’s upcoming SEAL Team Six drama last week. Joe’s rep didn’t go into detail about that chronic condition, but TMZ maintains that it was his appendix that kept him from showing up.

Joe was still in the hospital as of last night, so now would probably be the right time to bring out your sexiest prayer candle and light it with your sexiest lighter. And I’m sure I speak for all of us when I say it would be nice to have frequent updates on his condition. For instance, please let us know when Joe is healthy enough to use his IV tower as a stripper pole. At the very least, prove Joe is doing alright by releasing a picture of him in an open-in-the-back hospital gown?

Pic: Wenn.com

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