After less than a year of dating, 28-year-old Joe Jonas and 21-year-old Sophie Turner (Sansa Stark from Game of Thrones) have decided to make it a permanent thing by getting married. How I hope he keeps the Baby Magnum P.I. moustache for his wedding day. There’s nothing more romantic than wiping a snot sniffle out of your upper lip warmer.
I moustache you ask a question: why the hell is everyone rocking a flavor saver these days? Over the last year, the official lewk of everyone in my local gay watering hole went from hairless ferret to Cousin It, and it’s spooking the Ketel One! Joe Jonas joined the ever-growing list of upper-lip hair enthusiasts.
Unlike a certain goody, goody pop star who pretends like a wild night for her is when she, Meredith Grey, and Olivia Benson stay up late sipping Swiss Miss and watch Murder, She Wrote, Charli XCX ain’t fucking around. Or maybe she is. While she’s singing, “I was busy thinkin’ bout boys, boys, boys” in her latest video (same, girl), I can certainly see why. It’s like a peen parade. No, you don’t see actual peen, but plenty of man nalgas!
Although Gigi Hadid and Joe Jonas weren’t together all that long and seemed to have an amicable break-up, the JoBro warbler appeared to be a little peeved when he was interviewed after Gigi started canoodling with a One Directioner. He sat down with the Daily Mirror in 2016 and said, “I think it’s interesting that she moved on so quickly, I mean it was definitely very quick.”
Welp, fast forward a year, and the Supermodel/”Bitch of the moment” Gigi is on the cover of the August issue of American Vogue with boyfriend Zayn Malik looking like some plaid reboot of Victor/Victoria.
Sophie Turner, who is best known as Sansa Stark from Game of Thornes to nerds and Joe Jonas’ latest beard to us shady queens, has now got some people wondering if she shares a bloodline with the Hiltons. In a video that’s been spreading like Joe Jonas’ ass cheeks in that fairy tale sex tape that proved to be a lie, some are hearing Sophie Turner say, “What up, my n—-!” But Sophie Turner says that she would never! Only your ears can be the Judge Judies and decide!
The Grammys are the time and place for some high fashion fuckery. You can go high concept crazy (see: CeeLo Green), or you can go tacky casual with a twist of try hard. Halsey chose the latter. Halsey told Giuliana Rancic that her look was “a little TLC, a little Aaliyah.” When I first saw Halsey on the red carpet, I immediately got a T-Boz in the Creep video vibe. Halsey must have realized that she couldn’t blatantly rip-off such a legendary look without receiving a cease-and-desist, and so she added her own spin. And in this case, her spin was to ditch the matching robe and walk down the red carpet with her tits out. She also went with her natural hair, which was a choice. Personally I would have gone full-homage to T-Boz with some bangs and side-curtains. But I’ll give her a pass on this one. If she didn’t have time to steam the wrinkles out of her ensemble, I doubt she had time to clip on some hair.