Just last year, Jocelyn Wildenstein, the most gorgeous Thundercat that ever was, told The Mirror that she’s spent over $7 million dollars on hundreds of plastic surgery procedures throughout the decades, and that she’d keep getting her face tweaked into her 80s. (She’s 77 now). There’s also that legendary Vanity Fair piece from 1998 where her late billionaire ex-husband Alec Wildenstein said that after she got her eyes done for the first time and they got his-and-hers facelifts, she went wild and was always getting her mug touched by a plastic surgeon’s scalpel. A friend told Vanity Fair that they don’t remember a time when Jocelyn wasn’t healing from surgery, and that everyone believed she was trying to look like a cat.
Well, either Jocelyn and her fiancé have taken delusions of grandeur to levels we’ve never seen before, or none of us have eyes that really work. Because Jocelyn and her 51-year-old fashion designer fiancé Lloyd Klein (the same fiancé she gets into messy, violent fights with) tell the The Daily Mail that the USDA can practically certify her face as organic, because she’s barely done anything to it.
The glamorous feline rose of New York City Jocelyn Wildenstein and her gaydar-breaking boyfriend Lloyd Klein have both found themselves in a jail cell for allegedly getting violent on each other. Caitlyn Jenner’s face icon was arrested last December after allegedly going cat scratch fever crazy on Lloyd by scratching his face during a fight at her lair in Trump Tower. A quick minute later, Lloyd got arrested for allegedly shoving Jocelyn to the floor when he stopped by her lair to pick up some shit.
Jocelyn should’ve dumped Lloyd and realized that she deserves a human who will treat her like the luxurious pussy she is by delicately feeding her Fancy Feast from a silver spoon. And Lloyd should’ve realized that bad things happen when they get together and went down to a cat shelter to adopt him a new cat friend. But they stayed together, and yesterday morning, they once again got arrested and were hit with his-and-hers misdemeanor assault charges.
Those of you who had plans to woo Jocelyn Wildenstein might as well cancel your subscription to Cat Fancy magazine and dig out the receipt for that black velvet scratching post. According to Page Six, the facial stunt queen has gotten engaged! Continue reading
The non-biodegradable pussy willow we know as Jocelyn Wildenstein was arrested in December after she allegedly went cat scratch fever wild by clawing her man Lloyd Klein’s face and cutting his chest with scissors during a fight in their apartment at Trump World Tower in Manhattan. Not even a week later, Lloyd was arrested after he allegedly pushed Jocelyn to the floor while picking up some of his stuff at their apartment. Jocelyn really doesn’t need more foolery and she should retire to Cat Island where she’d spend her days lounging with a bunch of pussies and sharing a fish head with a cat friend. But instead of doing that, Jocelyn is getting back together with Lloyd.
“Don’t look to your left too fast or your that camera lens will be covered with fillers and tissue after your face explodes from seeing that much beauty up close.” – Jocelyn Wildenstein’s man to himself in that picture.
Last week, the 100% plastic feline jewel was arrested and slapped with feliney assault charges for allegedly going pussy gone rabid on her longtime man Lloyd Klein by clawing him, cutting him up with scissors and throwing a metal tray at him in her Trump World Tower apartment in Manhattan. Jocelyn was released back into the wild without having to post bail and went back to her apartment. But the cat scratch drama was hardly over.
PAGING JACKSON GALAXY! PAGING JACKSON GALAXY! Your services are needed at Trump World Tower in Manhattan and not because the tortured and mangy cat on Donald Trump’s head needs rescuing. There’s a rabid pussy on the loose there. Or was, anyway.
Page Six reports that the socialite millionairess who spent millions of dollars to purposefully look like Simba in glamour drag was trapped in a net by animal control this morning and was sedated before she was shipped off to cat jail. No, but 15-year-old (in cat years) Jocelyn Wildenstein was reportedly arrested on
feliney felony assault charges for allegedly scratching the face of her 49-year-old man Lloyd Klein during a violent fight in their Trump World Tower apartment at around 1:30 this morning. Sources say that Jocelyn also slashed Lloyd’s chest with scissors, which caused him to bleed.
Lloyd apparently had to shove Jocelyn into a closet to keep her from attacking him again. I’m sure that before he did that, he tried to distract her rabid ass with a laser pointer or paralyze her by tying a sock around her waist.
Jocelyn is way too damn old to be going wild like that. All the cats I know who are that old are always tired and if they wanted to hurt you, they’d just shank you with their eyes or piss on your shoes. I take back what I said in the headline about Jocelyn being committed to the cat thing. If she was really committed to acting like a cat her age, she wouldn’t be attacking Lloyd. She’d be too busy trying to clean her ass before giving up and taking her 99th nap of the day.
And if Jocelyn was Anna Faris and Chris Pratt’s cat, she’d be on her way to a new home right now.