One of these days, the estate of Harper Lee will announce she left behind the real sequel to To Kill A Mockingbird called To Cover Thy Nose, and it will be all about the legal battle over Brandi Glanville saying Joanna Krupa had a stank puss. Unfortunately, Harper never lived to see the resolution, as TMZ reports Joanna and Brandi reached a settlement. So the confused-looking Real Housewives of Miami star withdrew her defamation suit against that hot mess of Beverly Hills.
The Women’s March brought out millions of people and it was inspiring. But I’m sorry, it paled in comparison to the gigantic act of pure feminism that happened when Brandi Glanville declared on live TV that Joanna Krupa’s down-low bits makes cats sing The Meow Mix Song because it smells like 6am at Pike Place Fish Market.
Presenting, BatSlut, the superhero who defeats her haters by busting out some graceful poses. She’ll hit you with thirty tons of elegance and make you hit the floor by filling your nostrils with a lacy fart. I bet this is still better than Ben Affleck’s Batman and that was served without one drop of sarcasm. And hmmm, where have I seen that pose before?
Life & Style threw a Halloween party in L.A. last night, and obviously it brought out the shiniest and biggest stars in the A-list universe. “Did I stumble into the Oscars without knowing it?” is what one party ho was heard saying after they laid eyes on Natalie Nunn from the Bad Girls Club (seen above as BatBitch) and two ex-Real Housewives. Life & Style’s Halloween party wasn’t just a gathering of the finest jewels in Hollywood, it was also where Backdoor Farrah debuted her third pair of silicone titty sacks. I find it hard to believe that Backdoor Farrah just got a boob job recently, because it looks like she finally said “fuck it” and told her plastic surgeon to replace any natural parts on her body with man-made materials. Backdoor Farrah’s blow-up doll looks more natural and alive than she does.
And here’s more pictures of the party where LeAnn Rimes was the biggest “star” there.
Joanna Krupa, sometimes model and reality trick from the now dead Real Housewives of Miami (Never 4get La Bruja) made good on her threat to sue the hanging tampon string out of full-time attention whore and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ resident drunk shit stirrer Brandi Glanville for constantly bringing up the scent of her pussy. Oh America, the land of the free and the home of the trashy messes who can sue each other for saying that their vagina smells like rotten carp lying on the floor of a subway train in the middle of August.
And one soaked in vodka, if the glazed look in her eyes and the two-man-lift it took to get her off the curb is any indication. I know, I know, I’m gross. But not as gross as what I came across when I was fact checking types of tampons. DO NOT CLICK IT unless you’re in a safe place to throw up or a glutton for punishment. I’m also going to need a head start if you want to come after me because I’m a natural gimp and trip a lot.
Kelly partied at Bootsy Bellows last night dressed as Carrie after a hard week of butting her giant, bargain basement Mrs. Slocombe head against Lady Gaga’s collection of various ‘roided out craft projects and hating on cake. Who the fuck hates on cake? Satan himself could send Dina Lohan to my door with a Fudgie the Whale cake, for which she had to Rockette kick a motherfucker in the face at Carvel and I’d be digging into that shit before I could tell White Oprah to get off my lawn.
Also pictured are David Arquette, Carmen Electra and her tits, Joanna Krupa (delicately squatting in the gutter like all angelic beings), Shenae Grimes with her husband Josh Beech, and party host Adam Lambert.
(Pics via SplashNews)
Super whore (copyright: Adriana) Joanna Krupa from The Real Housewives of Miami married her on-and-off-again dude of 6 years Romain Zago in a $1 million wedding in Carlsbad, CA yesterday. I hope Joanna and Romain kept all the receipts, because they’re going to want a refund when their marriage throws itself in a shallow grave in about 6 months (I’m being generous).
Life & Style says that Joanna and Romain got married at the Park Hyatt Aviara Resort in front of Bravo’s cameras and 150 guests including her RHoM co-stars Adriana, Karent, Lisa and Alexia. Joanna wore a $30,000 gown by Chagoury Couture (keep the receipt, bitch!) and carried a bouquet of white roses and hydrangeas (again, keep the receipt, bitch!). The Daily Mail has pictures of Joanna’s dress and it looks like an episode of My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding swallowed a bunch of whipped cream and then barfed it all up. It looks like Joanna’s queefing and farting out a bunch of sea foam. It’s sophistication personified, basically.
Joanna and Romain first got engaged last year and then they pressed pause on their relationship last November before getting re-engaged later. I guess Bravo needed some kind of finale for the next season of RhoM, which is the only reason why these two messes got married, but who cares about them. The only thing I want to know is if the blossom of Miami, La Bruja, was the flower girl.
Yeah, right. Like that jealous bitch Joanna Krupa would ever let a shining jewel who is a million times more gorgeous than her upstage her at her own wedding. All the flowers at Joanna’s wedding would’ve died as soon as La Bruja sashayed down the aisle, because they would’ve known that they could never compete with a beauty as natural as hers.
And here’s some pictures of Joanna and some of her RHoM co-hos at her bachelorette party a few days ago and pictures of Romain’s bulge last month. I really hope Romain’s bulge was the ring bearer at his wedding.