Drake is currently on vacation, because sometimes you just need to get away from a pregnancy rumor, you know? In a move that seems coincidental, desperate, or a combination of both, E! News says he’s staying at the exact same resort that his former girlfriend-for-attention Jennifer Lopez was just at a week earlier with her new boyfriend A-Rod.
I don’t know, what’s faster than the speed of sound? Whatever it is, there’s officially a new measure of speed, and that’s the speed at which Jennifer Lopez and A-Rod are moving with their relationship. JLo and A-Rod have officially been dating for less than a month, and now a source tells UsWeekly that she might be thinking about making him husband #4.
“They’ve been talking about the future and, of course marriage has come up. They aren’t making wedding plans, but they have been talking about their lives…They have a lot in common and the same interests. It’s going well so far. They are both hoping this goes the distance.”
The source says that JLo’s mom Guadalupe Rodriguez and her sister Lynda Lopez are also into her new boyfriend. Guadalupe and Lynda think A-Rod is “very charming” and good to JLo. The source adds that JLo hasn’t felt this way about anyone in a long time (single tear rolls down Drake’s face), and that “they are very excited for her.”
A-Rod’s family is also into their relationship. Last month, A-Rod’s sister posted a selfie with JLo on Instagram and captioned it with “#miscuñis” (sister-in-law). The source says that their families love them together and that they’re a “perfect match.” No, literally – they match their photo-op outfits perfectly.
So J-Rod could be heading down the aisle. That’s probably why JLo’s mom was caught making a panicked face when they all hung out together last weekend. She wasn’t shocked at how fast things were moving; she was just overwhelmed at the prospect of shopping for her latest mother-of-the-bride dress. “I’ve already done dusty rose, pewter, and seafoam – honey, I’m running out of colors!”
TMZ says that after less than a month of dating and a couple weeks after hitting up the Bahamas, JLo has introduced A-Rod to her mama, Guadalupe Rodriguez. Even speed-stunter Drake is thinking, “Damn girl, slow down before you pull a muscle.”
JLo, A-Rod, and her mom all hung out together in NYC yesterday. That’s Guadalupe’s bright purple arm in the back behind JLo. How rude! Who cares about JLo and A-Rod getting “accidentally” caught by the paps holding hands during a Sunday stroll? Thankfully, TMZ got a better pic of her.
Jennifer Lopez Introduces Her Mom to A-Rod (PHOTOS + VIDEO) https://t.co/V0u6ZB92gj
— TMZ (@TMZ) April 2, 2017
Later that evening, JLo and A-Rod went to dinner in the West Village. Sadly, no Guadalupe. You blew it, A-Rod! You only get once chance at a first impression, and that’s how you do it? With a group photo-op? If you really wanted to impress JLo’s mama, you would have pulled out all the stops. Guadalupe didn’t get dressed up in her Burlington Coat Factory best just for a pathetic little pap walk. Guadalupe deserved a fancy dinner last night too. And after dinner, she should have been whisked away to the club of her choice, be it dance, night, or strip. Love may not cost a thing to JLo, but I refuse to believe that impressing a woman like Guadalupe comes cheap.
It looks like the expiration date on Jennifer Lopez and Drake’s (alleged) relationship contract really has come and gone, because she may be spending her nights getting a burn on her face from furiously motorboating A-Rod’s plump tits.
Drake was only 14 when J.Lo came out, so this would be where I should forgive him for not understanding the message Jennifer Lopez was trying to convey in the song Love Don’t Cost a Thing. But since this thing between Drake and Jennifer Lopez probably isn’t love, then $100,000 on a necklace might actually be in line with the cost breakdown outlined in their relationship agreement.
E! News says that Drake walked into a Tiffany store last week and spent $100,000 on a platinum and diamond Tiffany Victoria necklace (probably this one). I guess this news is supposed to help prove that Drake is head-over-wheels in love with JLo. Regardless of the legitimacy of their relationship, I wouldn’t say he threw his money away on that necklace. He’ll have to check with his accountant, but I think he might be able to write that necklace off as a business expense if he lists it as a thank-you gift to a co-worker.
E! doesn’t say how Drake gave the necklace to Jennifer Lopez, which is weird, because you’d think at least one of their publicists would have made up a cute story to go along with it. Like maybe Drake walked JLo into a room with his hands over her eyes, and when he removed them, she was face to face with her new $100,000 necklace. And when Drake put the necklace on her, he cooed “Don’t be fooled by these rocks that you got. I still, I still love you a lot.” Or something like that.
One may think that when a very busy lady like Jennifer Lopez wants to get rid of a man in her life, she simply gives them a goodbye gift bag that includes a signed picture (“Thanks for the memories! XO JLo“), an unopened bottle of Glow, and $500 cash in an envelope taped to an On the 6 CD. Apparently it’s not that easy. Or at least it’s not that easy with Casper Smart.