According to People, there’s a very good chance that A-Rod will present Jennifer Lopez with a dazzling and beautiful symbol of their love this Christmas. No, not their Vanity Fair cover blown up eight feet tall in a polished gold frame. I’m talking about an engagement ring.
Before you know it, it will be the holiday season and that means there’s plenty of presents to buy. Jennifer Lopez and A-Rod’s respective publicists have clearly started planning ahead for those potential credit card bills in January by securing themselves an extra-large Christmas bonus this year. Apropos of nothing more than just dating for eight months, J-Rod made their magazine cover debut for the December issue of Vanity Fair.
Around this time last year, the completely natural and real couple of Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston spread their organic love throughout Europe while keeping the paps working overtime. This year, it was the completely natural and real couple of JLo and A-Rod’s turn to graciously help out the paparazzi industry by leading them through France.
J-Rod started off their trip to France on a yacht in Nice (because what’s the point of doing a photo-op couples tour if you’re not going to give the paps at least one swimsuit shot) and they ended in Paris where they decided to really spice up a photo-op by bringing in props!
J-Rod’s couples photo-op choreographer gave them matching ice cream cone props J-Rod spontaneously bought ice cream cones and worked it for the paps while looking so in love. That picture above clearly shows who’s the pro and who’s the amateur. JLo is striking a perfect JCPenney catalog pose for the paps and knows not to completely eat the prop, while amateur ass A-Rod is eating the prop!
Every pro pap poser knows that you’re not supposed to completely devour the ice cream prop. A half-eaten ice cream cone looks ugly in pictures! You’re supposed to sensually lick it like it’s your lover’s down-low part. But in A-Rod’s defense, JLo eventually went in on her ice cream cone too (see: first picture in the gallery below). If the old rumor about steroid use is actually true, then JLo probably just wanted a mouthful of something for a change.
We all know A-Rod loves cheating, so it was really only a matter of time before someone started whispering that he might be working his sneaky cheater game on JLo. According to The National Enquirer (via Page Six), A-Rod might not be as committed to JLo as we have been led to believe.
I find the best way to humanize famous people is to remember that famous people sit on a toilet and pee and poo like the rest of us. There’s no getting around it. The only difference is, when they use a public bathroom they sometimes do it in a fancier way than we do. For example, Jennifer Lopez doesn’t wait in a long line for the bathroom with her kegel muscles clenched with more pressure than a hydraulic press.
According to Page Six, JLo had to use the bathroom at the Robin Hood Foundation Benefit in NYC on Monday. A witness claims four security guards closed it down so JLo could have complete privacy. There was a huge lineup outside the ladies’ room, which caused everyone to speculate who was inside. They finally figured out it was JLo when they saw her possible future husband A-Rod loitering off to the side checking his phone.
Once JLo strolled out, security opened the bathroom to the general public again. JLo and A-Rod’s security wasn’t just for the bathroom; a source claims they were surrounded by security all evening to prevent them from getting mobbed by people.
Another source, commenting on the private bathroom situation, added: “It’s really awkward when someone asks for a selfie when you walk out of a toilet stall.” That’s true, but it’s still less awkward than realizing there’s no toilet paper mid-piss and yelling out to your security team to hook you up with some Charmin. That’s the benefit to having someone on the other side of the stall in the ladies’ room; you just put your hand under the stall whisper “Hi…uh…” and your stall sister will come through.
Last month, a rumor started – by whom I have no idea (cough her publicist cough) – that Jennifer Lopez and A-Rod were “talking” about get married after a few months of dating. Then almost six whole weeks went by without a peep about their possible future wedding plans. The good news is we have an update. A source tells E! News that J-Rod’s marriage talks have been upgraded from “casual” to “serious.”
“JLo and A-Rod are getting very serious and talking marriage. JLo wants a future with A-Rod. JLo would marry A-Rod if he asked. She is head over heals for him. They get each other in so many ways. They are perfect for each other. Their families love how they are together.”
Who even knows if JLo actually wants to make A-Rod her fourth husband, or if it’s just fun to keep us guessing. The only way we’ll really know for sure is if she’s seen coming out of a Barnes & Noble with a stack of those 10lb bridal magazines. There’s no way she’d buy them for show; keeping a marriage rumor going isn’t a good enough reason to risk dislocating a shoulder.
Speaking of weddings, here’s JLo looking like an attention-hungry maid of honor at the NBC Upfronts in New York City on Monday.