Jimmy Kimmel’s longest running joke is that he hates Matt Damon. It started years ago on Jimmy Kimmel Live! when he joked that Matt Damon had been bumped from the show for time, which eventually spawned 2008’s viral clap-back “I’m Fucking Matt Damon” and a special all-Matt episode in 2013 called Jimmy Kimmel Sucks!. Last night, Jimmy kept the joke going by poking ans scratching at Matt Damon pretty much every chance he got.
No, that is not a screen shot of Ben Affleck making the face that his brother Casey Affleck made while jacking it to Vicki the Robot from Small Wonder. I don’t hate you that much.
Ben Affleck was on Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night to whore out his Prohibition turd, Live By Night, and during the interview he pretended to be highly offended over his brother Casey Affleck not thanking him at the Golden Globes on Sunday night. Ben got revenge on Casey for not giving thanks to the trick who made it all possible by burping up embarrassing facts about his brother. One of those embarrassing facts about Casey included him fapping while watching Small Wonder. I blame Casey Affleck for the reason why Jamie Lawson went on to live under a bridge.
The 89th Academy Awards are on February 26th, 2017, and earlier today The Hollywood Reporter claimed they knew who would be hosting Hollywood’s annual 4-hour wank-fest. THR says they’ve “learned” that the hosting gig for the Oscars is going to the other late-night Jimmy, Jimmy Kimmel. As it turns out, THR’s sources were right. Jimmy Kimmel confirmed on Twitter that he’ll be soon get fitted for a fancy new hostin’ tux. “Billy Crystal, passed over yet again” thought a bummed-out Billy Crystal.
— Jimmy Kimmel (@jimmykimmel) December 5, 2016
Jimmy Kimmel Live! airs on ABC, and the Oscars will air on ABC, so it makes sense that they’d throw the job to someone already on ABC payroll. Jimmy also has recent major award show hosting experience: he hosted the last Emmys in September.
It was announced in the summer that Jimmy Fallon would be hosting the Oscars’ less-legitimate/drunk brother, the Golden Globe Awards. Having the GGs and the Oscars hosted by two Jimmys is good news for any dumb actors and actresses who will attend both ceremonies. Only one host’s name to remember! But how to tell them apart? Well, one will be grinning like a kid who just drank an entire pitcher of Kool Aid mixed with Red Bull. The other looks like your aunt’s boyfriend who always comes over to your house and heads straight to the toilet while shouting at you to be a sport and grab him a magazine.
If you watched the Emmys, then you know that Jimmy Kimmel made a big joke about how Dame Maggie Smith is too good to come to the Emmys. Jimmy joked that this year they were enforcing the “Maggie Smith Rule“, which states that if you’re not present to collect your award, it automatically goes to the next person on the nominee list. Maggie Smith has been nominated for nine Emmy awards, all Outstanding Actress and Outstanding Supporting Actress, and hasn’t shown up once. Minnie Driver and Michael Weatherly presented the Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series Emmy on Sunday, and when Maggie won, Jimmy stepped in, grabbed the award and said that her award will be waiting for her in the lost and found.
First of all, the title of this post should have been “Jimmy Kimmel Owes Actor David Krumholtz A Heartfelt Apology.“ You’ll understand by the end. The much-more-preferable late night “Jimmy” sat down with People and Entertainment Weekly and revealed that Ben Affleck’s live-in ex Jennifer Garner was the impetus for Kimmel’s “I’m Fucking Ben Affleck” vid from 2009.
“Oh fuck my nerves with a butter knife dipped in acid, she’s about to have another thought…” – that dude on the right
Anyone who has been lucky enough to use their brain to ingest at least one Megan Fox interview knows that she is a never-ending fountain of wisdom, and melted plastic, but mostly wisdom. And on Jimmy Kimmel Live! (via E!) last night, Megan said that the unborn baby growing in her body has definitely inherited her super genius gene, because it has told her that it’s either going to be a Nazi rocket maker or an electric car mogul. Megan’s third baby also told her to move houses. Somewhere, scientists studying the long-term effects of Botox use have added, “hearing fetus voices,” to the list of shit to look into.