They’ve been dragging the final installment of the 50 Shades franchise out like a tantric orgasm yet it still doesn’t hit theaters until Valentine’s Day. But the day we’ll be all 50 Shades Freed from that mess is almost here so both of its stars have been making the rounds. Wet noodle Dakota Johnson was on The Tonight Show this week and the other wet noodle Jamie Dornan was on Jimmy Kimmel Live!
In the interview, Jamie tells Jimmy that he had to wear a “wee” bag for his dick while filming his sex scenes. There is no avoiding the fact that Jamie is a hot piece of Irish ass so when he talks about his dick, my loins sit up and listen. He can thank his fellow countryman Colin Farrell for the fact that when I picture an Irish dick, I picture a fleshy tallboy of Guinness.
Since Armie Hammer is taking a break from dragging alleged predators on Twitter, someone had to step in and pick up the slack. That person appears to be Jimmy Kimmel. And Jimmy came ready to roast a creep, extra crispy.
Lately, Jimmy Kimmel has been using some of his airtime to get into healthcare, politics, Trump, and all manners of seriousness. As it turns out, a certain group of red hat enthusiasts aren’t too happy about what Jimmy has been getting into.
The 11th Round Of “Celebrities Read Mean Tweets” Brought To You By Jennifer Lawrence’s Unenthusiastic Handjob
Jimmy Kimmel has been working tirelessly to educate people and politicians about healthcare lately on Jimmy Kimmel Live!. And last night, he gave a real example of the importance of good healthcare by showing celebrities receiving third degree burns from Twitter.
That suit makes him look like he gave someone a handie. Robert Pattinson says that he was kidding when he told Jimmy Kimmel that he refused to jerk off a pooch on the set of Good Time. Well, that’s good to know. Because, unless you’re an animal breeder or a veterinarian, you should let the dogs ruin their own eyesight, if you get what I’m sayin’. (Do dogs do that? Someone risk an alarming browser history and look it up.) I’m not sure what kind of dark web bullshit your movie is when you’re asking the actors to jerk off dogs, but it sure doesn’t sound like the sort of movie you’re going to see Meryl Streep in.
This story is going to be a real emotional roller coaster for any of the following: people who cry at sad stories, people who cry at happy stories, people who cry seeing pictures of smiling babies, people who cry when they see Jimmy Kimmel cry.