Queer mafia leader Ryan Murphy better get down on his knees and thank Gay Jesus, because his #1 star is returning to the show that made him great. Variety reports that, during the TCA summer press tour on Friday, American Horror Story’s second-in-command Sarah Paulson announced that Jessica Lange would be returning to the show for its eighth season, AHS: Apocalypse. She’ll be reprising her role as Season One’s nosy neighbor and grandmother of evil, Constance Langdon. So we won’t get the classic “knotty pinnnnneeee?!?!“, but we might get withering put-downs to ghost maids and burnt people. Good enough!
During the Super Bowl, a couple of promos for Ryan Murphy’s Feud aired. No, they weren’t at all out of place. They fit in perfectly since this year’s Super Bowl was the gayest event of 2017. I mean, it had Lady Gaga, men in tights and a dramatic plot twist.
As everyone knows by now, the first season of Feud is all about the battle royale that Bette Davis and Joan Crawford busted out while making Whatever Happened To Baby Jane? One of the promos shows Catherine Zeta-Jones camping it up to kingdom come as Olivia de Havilland and the other one shows Bette Davis (Susan Sarandon) kick at Joan Crawford (Jessica Lange) while shooting a scene. Ryan Murphy really made the wrong decision when he didn’t get Alaska and Alyssa Edwards to do that scene for Susan and Jessica.
In what I hope is the gayest show that Ryan Murphy has ever produced (and that would be a feat) is going to be the first season of his new anthology series, Feud.
Ryan’s muse and Lea Michele’s bestie Jessica Lange and the politically unamused Susan Sarandon are playing Joan Crawford and Bette Davis. The new anthology show’s first season will be set during the Whatever Happened To Baby Jane? era when the two glamorous camp queens were at each other’s throats. The first pics have shown up online and they look like Jessica Lange and Susan Sarandon in wigs. There’s one of Susan where I guess she’s got the right clothes and accessories. But it looks like the acting is going to have to pull this one off. No, I didn’t expect Jessica to be permanently clutching a wire hanger or anything. I’m not a purist. The show premieres March 5th on FX.
Check out more pics from Feud and of Jessica as Joan (apparently having filmed a scene in the Arctic) on the set below.
Finally! Ever since those pictures came out of Jessica Lange’s Shirley MacLaine in My Geisha-looking ass as Joan Crawford, I’ve been waiting and waiting for the paparazzi to come through with pictures of Susan Sarandon as Bette Davis and today they did. Jessica and Susan shot scenes in Los Angeles yesterday for Feud, Ryan Murphy’s newest FX anthology series about the bitch battle royale that Joan and Bette got into while shooting Whatever Happened To Baby Jane? The paps caught Susan walking from her trailer to the set as an assistant with an umbrella protected her immaculate Bette Davis brows from melting in the sun.
I don’t know the context for that AliExpress wig, but I do know that Bette Davis’ hair didn’t look like that in the early 1960s. Like Jessica as Joan, I don’t really see Bette Davis in those pictures. But I do see my abuelita as Rizzo in a senior center production of Grease. But who cares if Jessica as Joan looks more like a white woman as an Asian woman and Susan as Bette looks more like a Latina as Rizzo, I’m still going to watch this like it’s a porn starring Idris Elba and Alexander Skarsgard.
The gay television event of 2017, Feud, has already started shooting in Los Angeles, and the paps got the first pictures of Jessica Lange in full Joan Crawford drag while filming scenes with Reed Diamond. In case you’re some kind of weirdo who hasn’t kept track of every detail of this soon-to-be masterpiece, Feud is about the bitch battle royale that Joan Crawford and Bette Davis got into while making What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? Susan Sarandon is playing Bette Davis and Catherine Zeta-Jones is playing Olivia de Havilland. As for Jessica Lange as Joan Crawford….
I don’t know. My eyes aren’t really seeing Joan Crawford. They’re mostly seeing Jessica Lange as Shirley MacLaine in My Geisha. That eyebrow situation should be so bold that when I look at it, it should punch me in the eyeballs and leave me seeing brow-shaped floaters for the next 3 hours. That eyebrow situation is barely lightly flicking me in the eyes. Joan Crawford’s glorious eyebrows were so hairy and thick that the people around her could barely speak, because when they weren’t spitting out brow hairs, they were choking on the paint fumes wafting off of her face.
Ryan Murphy should bring in Alyssa Edwards, who played Joan Crawford twice on RuPaul’s Drag Race this season, to be a makeup consultant. Because Alyssa Edwards truly captured Joan Crawford’s essence.
And that is a screen shot of Alyssa working one of Joan’s more casual daytime looks. Maybe the producers of Feud know that there’s not enough Sharpies in the country to fully recreate Joan Crawford’s perfect brows so they’re going to CGI them in during post-production. I’m going with that.
Cate Blanchett was at the Tony Awards in NYC last night, because she’s making her Broadway debut later this year in a show that isn’t Hamilton. (I know, why are other shows even bothering?) Judging by that butchered-up look on Cate Blanchett’s body, I’m guessing that she was also there, because she knew that most thi-turr people play it safe by wearing the most boring dress at Lord & Taylor, so she needed to give the public something that’ll hurt their eyeballs and make their retinas curl. Thank you, Cate!