HallelujaHUH?! Andrew Garfield And Jessica Chastain Are Playing Jim And Tammy Faye Bakker In A New Biopic
You’re probably rolling your eyes at me like, “Bitch, shut up, Andrew Garfield can totally pull off Tammy Faye.” But sadly, Andrew Garfield is not slapping a pair of tar-dipped tarantulas from heaven onto his eyes to play Tammy Faye. Jessica Chastain is taking Tammy Faye and Andrew Garfield is taking Jim.
Variety has published a list of the top earning celebrities for 2019 and Martin Lawrence is sitting pretty at the big boys’ (and girls, and Tommy Girl’s) table. And no, I’m not talking about that Martin Lawrence, I’m talking about original recipe Martin Lawrence. Thanks to his Bad Boys For Life co-star Will Smith, Martin Fitzgerald Lawrence out-earned Academy Award nominees Jessica Chastain and Joaquin Phoenix. The three-time Kid’s Choice nominee was paid $6 million for reprising his role in the Bad Boys 3-sequel. I guess that creepy genie really can make wishes come true!
Fan Bingbing is back back. The formerly-most famous Chinese actress is finally returning after all of her financial and legal issues. Fan got in trouble for a legitimate amount of tax evasion in China and ended up spending some time at a “resort” of sorts–if you consider Guantanamo Bay a resort. Well now that she’s out of the clink, she needs a new gig to help get money back in her no-longer-fraudulent bank account, and she’s got a pal in Jessica Chastain who is graciously allowing this felon to still be in her all-female action movie, 355.
Cleaning crews at The Beverly Hilton are probably still vacuuming up the shards of glitter that flew off of Billy Porter when he twirled in that amazing technicolor dreamcape, and are mopping up the Fiji water that people spewed out after realizing they were in the presence of the one and only Fiji Water Girl, and are disinfecting the floor after hundreds of people shit themselves as Baroness Jamie Lee Haden-Guest (seriously, she’s a baroness) sashayed onto the red carpet and they thought, “Damn, Brigitte Nielsen is looking hot after birthing out a baby!” People probably shit out everything in their system and are going to need some probiotics to get their guts good again. I see what you did there Queen of Activia!
I must admit, I was one of those suckers who watched True Blood to the bitter, fairy dusted, laughably accented end. It wasn’t perfect, ok, it wasn’t “good”, but it filled my eyes with many sexy butts plus Lafayette (RIP Nelsan), so I’ll never regret the time I spent in Bon Temps. Turns out, it could have been a lot worse! TB creator Alan Ball spoke about the show on the occasion of its 10th anniversary and revealed that Vampire Beehl was almost played by an alien. Sadly/thankfully, the world was robbed of its opportunity to see Benedict Cumberbatch’s cumberbiscuits when the role of Bill Compton went to Stephen Moyer instead.
It occurred to me to write some shady shit about Jessica Chastain in hopes that she’d drop some ducats on me as she does for other complainants who come for her. She’s got people skills, huh? Ms. Chastain is a wily sort, cement in her principles minus the occasional choice of director misstep, and has an answer for any accusation thrown at her. Her new baby will probably end up running whatever corporation actually rules our county when she grows up. She probably came equipped with the perfect eye roll to throw at lazy people, too. Jessica, 41, and her husband Gian Luca Passi de Preposulo, 35, had a baby girl via surrogate, as reported by Page Six. Continue reading