Category: Jesse Eisenberg

Open Post: Hosted By Jason Momoa’s Sun-Kissed Beachy Waves Glamour

March 23, 2016 / Posted by:

I see you trying to think you can recreate this easy, breeze, beautiful beachy look using an old bottle of Sun-In that’s been living in the back of your bathroom cabinet for decades, Morton sea salt, tap water, White Rain hairspray and a dream. But sorry, tricks, Jason Momoa got those locks naturally from resting on top of his surfboard under the sun after choking out and cunt-punting a school of sharks trying to attack a dolphin. Jason Momoa IS Aquaman.

Jason worked Jennifer Aniston’s Mexican vacation dream hair with a hot velvet blazer at last night’s London premiere of Who Cares v. Who Cares: Just Bring Me Wonder Woman. I trolled through a bunch of pictures of the premiere and didn’t see any of Jason Momoa with Lisa Bonet. Lisa Bonet must have stayed her ass home, because she wasn’t in the mood for jealousy trollops throwing her looks that clearly say, “You got to bone Lenny Kravitz on the regular and now you get to bone Jason Momoa on the regular? How do I shapeshift into your cooch?

And here’s more pics from last night’s premiere including some of Wonder Woman looking like Christmas, Ben Affleck and Mark Hamill!


ICYMI: The Trailer For “Batman v Superman: Dawn Of Justice”

December 3, 2015 / Posted by:

My baby gay-self screamed “GOD YES!” when Wonder Woman popped up at the end of the trailer even though she just stands there while not being Lynda Carter. It’s the power of widow’s peak boots!

Ben Affleck went on Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night to show everyone the new trailer for Batman v Superman,” which comes out in March. The trailer made the movie look like one long contest where they all try to out-constipate face each other. Mostly everyone looks all serious, strained, brooding and like their bowels are in major need of some damn relief. They finally get that relief and their backed-up shit loads form a giant mutated caca monster named Doomsday! Doomsday looks like Piece of Chet from Weird Science after he went on the Paleo diet and took a whole lot of roids.

Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman doesn’t show up until later in the trailer, so skip to the 2:36 mark if she’s the only thing you care about.

And Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor… Damn. I don’t think he got the note that the movie’s overall mood is “first few seconds of a Dulcolax commercial” and not “last few seconds of a NoDoz commercial.” Wrong over-the-counter drug, bitch. Dude is hyper wrapped in annoying. He’s like Nermal from Garfield as an evil villain. I don’t know if he’s playing Lex Luthor, The Riddler, Jar Jar Binks, Larry from Three Stooges or a combination of them all.

Also, I have a side question. Do you think that while impatiently waiting to shoot the big fight scene, Henry Cavill and Ben Affleck asked what the hold-up was and the production assistant said, “Waiting for Gadot.” Okay, okay, I’m leaving. I’m showing myself out!


Kristen Stewart Was Her Usual Gracious And Welcoming Self At The ‘American Ultra’ Premiere

August 19, 2015 / Posted by:

Tami Taylor’s like I’m just going to keep smiling and being beautiful and get away from her sullen ass as quickly as possible. That headline is a fallacy. Kristen Stewart actually SMILES in some of these pics. I think dating a woman (GOOGLE IT) has brought something out in her. Vagina is uplifting, soothing, and centering. Or so I’ve heard.

Here’s a mass of pics from the American Ultra premiere last night at the Ace Theater in LA. Jesse Eisenberg plays a government killing machine who’s been brainwashed to believe he’s a stoner convenience store clerk. The Funyons fly when he snaps out of it. KStew plays his girl. That must have been a fun set for co-star Connie Britton. Neither of those leads seem like the kind of people with whom you can joke around. Eisenberg seems like he’d be constantly concerned about his wig placement and always on the phone with his therapist.

You’ll also note that Stewart’s OTHER dude from Twilight, Taylor Lautner, was there. The male TayTay is looking slightly less pristine than usual. It’s possible he’s experiencing career misery. His next role is in Adam Sandler’s next pile of shit. That’s the movie that’s still in the production stages and has already offended Native Americans and Rose McGowan. That sort of gig probably sucks the Sean Cody right out of a guy’s look.

Check out the gallery below for more pics of Kristen and Connie Britton, as well as pics of Eisenberg, Lautner, Ashley Hinshaw, Topher Grace, someone named Johnny Deluca who I only included because he’s kind of cute and I’m shallow, Jason Ritter, John Leguizamo (and his kids), Rachel Roy, Tony Hale, Max Landis (who is obviously feeling ignored because he’s the screenwriter), and Into The Woods actor Billy Magnussen who is normally smokin’ hot but here looks like he’s done too much nitrous.

Pics: FayesVision/

Jesse Eisenberg Tried To Clear Up His “Comic-Con Is Like Genocide” Comment

July 15, 2015 / Posted by:

If I’m going to do a post that mentions genocide, I may as well include a picture of an adorable doggy throwing a look that says, “Disclaimer: I do not endorse the opinions and statements made by the human holding me.

Jesse Eisenberg, Michael Cera’s understudy (or is Michael Cera Jesse Eisenberg’s understudy?), caused a hundred groans during the Superman v Batman panel at Comic-Con when he compared being at the nerd orgy to genocide. I don’t see why everyone was waving their pitchforks at Jesse since I can totally understand how “dealing” with a thousand screaming fans who are going to pay to see the movie you got a big check for is just like the mass slaughter of a people. Samesies, practically! But most people thought that the shit that came out of Jesse’s mouth was just that, so he tried to clarify his comment twice.

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Ben Affleck Made His First Public Appearance Since His Marriage Ended

July 11, 2015 / Posted by:

Now we know what it looks like when Ben Affleck goes to donate a bunch of old DVDs to his local Savers and sees a sign that says “NO GIGLI.”

Ben Affleck has been laying pretty low since word got out that his marriage to Jennifer Garner had bitten the dust. But since he’s contractually obligated to pimp out that Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice movie, he showed up to San Diego Comic-Con. Yes, Ben Affleck looks like cold shit, but that might not be because he’s sad his marriage hit the skids. The Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice panel was held at 10:30am, and that’s pretty damn early for someone who was probably counting cards and chugging hooch till 4am the night before.

Sad Batman joined Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, the monotone boy robot from The Social Network, and Gal Godot on the BVS:DOJ panel, and their big thing was that they released a new nearly 4-minute long trailer featuring Wonder Woman.

The real star of that trailer is whatever the hell is living on Lex Luthor’s head. That wig is BUSTED and I love it. I kept hoping it was going to come alive with the magic of CGI and start cracking jokes. Is it too late to go back and re-write that into the movie? I don’t think I’m wrong in saying that Lex Luthor could really use a sassy lil’ talking polyester sidekick.

Here’s more of Ben Affleck at Comic-Con this morning with the rest of the BVS:DOJ cast.

Pics: Splash

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