Today is the day we learned that a smarmy, self-important Hollywood dreg doesn’t necessarily HAVE to include a tendency to be overly familiar with the ladies in his bag of dickery. According to The Blast, Jeremy Piven has passed several lie detector tests in relation to the multiple accusations of sexual harassment made against him. Maybe you really can’t judge books by their covers? It’s awful when cliches are correct. Continue reading
I come from the Maury Povich School of Truth where I believe almost every issue can be solved with a lie detector test and the words “The results are IN.” My personal favorite application for a polygraph is to out a cheater, but they can be used for other, more serious situations. Like attempting to prove you’re not a serial sexual assaulter. That’s exactly what Jeremy Piven wants, and he’s volunteered to take a lie detector test.
Jeremy Piven recently joined the ever-growing list of Hollywood men accused of illegal grossness after actress and former Playboy Playmate Ariane Bellmar accused him of groping her at the Playboy mansion and in his trailer on the set of Entourage. Unlike, let’s say, Kevin Spacey, who countered gross accusations with, “If I did it, I guess I was drunk?“, Jeremy Piven has a much more black-and-white response. He swears it didn’t happen.
On Monday, actress and former Playboy Playmate Ariane Bellmar hopped on Twitter with her own #MeToo story of sexual assault. Hers involves Jeremy Piven. I guess we’re starting to make our way into the less-surprising bracket of assault allegations.
After doing some soul-searching in India and Tibet, and finding itself with the help of the Dalai Lama and Demi Moore, The Slut Dress has come back to Hollywood with a new lease on life. The Slut Dress knows that the 90s are back, so it reinvented itself as the dress version of the Showgirls poster. Elegant inspiration for an elegant dress.
The new and improved Slut Dress mades it grand return on the body of maybe Wonder Woman Jaimie Alexander at the premiere of Thor: Dark World in Hollywood last night. Jaimie plays Lady Sif in that shit. The Slut Dress will now make its way through the bodies of Hollywood and it’ll make its final appearance on the body of some low-level Bravo reality shit show (I’m thinking MJ from Shahs of Sunset) star before it ends up wadded-up at the bottom of the last-call bin at the Off 5th outlet in Cabazon. Then it’ll reinvent itself all over again! It’s good to have your ass back, Slut Dress.
Jaimie Alexander is a classy flower to watch, because I’m all about an exquisite trick who steals the spotlight from Loki by letting everyone there know that the only thing separating them from her (NSFWish) smiling shaved snatch is a thin piece of black fabric. Flaunt that ass cheek, bitch, and work it like your Mazda payment is overdue and Sonia from Operación Repo just pulled up behind it.
Here’s some other hos (including Loki, Thor, Anthony Hopkins and Kat Dennings) at last night’s premiere.
At last night’s 12-12-12 benefit show for Hurricane Sandy relief, Krist Novoselic, Dave Grohl, a crushed velvet shirt and Pat Smear reunited to play a new song with Paul McCartney. I know, tacky whores. Instead of getting Paul McCartney, they should’ve used a Kurt Cobain hologram. Sadly, they didn’t play “Rape Me” and dedicate it to Heather Mills and her lawyers. They sang a new song called “Cut Me Some Slack.” Cut some slack is not something that Courtney Love’s crazy ass is interested in doing.
TMZ says that Courtney Love took a break from making antique wedding dresses out of used crack foil and opened her yap hole to spill out a stream of hate over Paul McCartney singing with the surviving members of Nirvana. Since the inside of Courtney Love’s head is an empty playground of delusion, she thinks she’s the voice of Nirvana and wasn’t amused that Paul was singing with them. Courtney doesn’t like that Dave called it a “Nirvana reunion,” because Kurt was the beating heart of the band and without him, Nirvana can never exist again. Courtney didn’t like that the idea of Paul singing with Nirvana and thinks John Lennon would’ve been better.
I’m actually shocked that Courtney Love didn’t break into Yoko Ono’s apartment, steal John Lennon’s ashes (that’s if Yoko didn’t turned Lennon’s ashes into a diamond charm for her labia ring) and then rush the stage at the 12-12-12 concert to spread ’em while Nirvana and Paul McCartney played. That would’ve been more entertaining than that “Cut Me Some Slack” song. But I am here for that crushed velvet shirt.
Here’s a few pictures of the tricks and tramps who overdressed (see: Blake NotSoLively and Katie Holmes) to pose at the 12-12-12 concert in NYC last night. In order: Blake, Chelsea Clinton, Cristal Connors, Jeremy Piven, the robot formerly known as Stepford Katie, Susan Sarandon and Tony Danza.