I don’t know what Jennifer Hudson did to her agent to make the words “Jennifer Hudson to star in Adam Sandler’s next Netflix movie” happen. Maybe she forgot her agent’s birthday. Maybe her agent asked her to hold the elevator and she hit the “door close” button instead. Or maybe her agent wasn’t exactly feeling that time Jennifer shat on the last job she got after she was denied a Tony nomination. Whatever the reason, here’s where it led us: Oscar-winning actress Jennifer Hudson has agreed to star in Adam Sandler’s latest made-for-Netflix movie.
The Hollywood Reporter has all the details about JHud’s next role. She’ll be playing a singer named Courtney Clarke in Adam Sandler’s Sandy Wexler, a movie set in the 90s about a Los Angeles talent manager named Sandy Wexler. Sandy Wexler begins shooting in two weeks, and will be released on Netflix sometime in 2017.
Obviously an Adam Sandler direct-to-Netflix movie won’t exactly be the shiniest jewel on Jennifer Hudson’s IMDB page, but she still gets paid for it, so who cares. And who knows? Maybe this Adam Sandler movie won’t be as bad as The Ridiculous 6. Or The Do-Over. What’s that they say about third time’s the charm?
The only other thing known about the Jennifer Hudson’s role in Sandy Wexler is that she plays Adam Sandler’s love interest, and that he falls in love with her at an amusement park. That’s a story I think we can all relate to. I mean, who of us hasn’t experienced the bliss of falling in love with a singer while trying not to throw up corn dogs on the zipper as a remix of Ace of Base’s “Beautiful Life” blares at full-volume into your ear? Tale as old as time.
It was very nice of Betsey Johnson to remove her name from the nominees list, and therefore give people like Beyonce a fighting chance at taking home the CFDA’s Fashion Icon award. I’m assuming that’s what happened. Betsey Johnson has always been my favorite fashion weirdo. Even when I was very little and my knowledge of fashion was limited to skorts and whatever the look is called when you loop the bottom of a t-shirt through the neck hole, I knew that she was the definition of effortless, carefree WTF style. Effortless, because she always looks like she put in zero effort. Carefree, because I’m sure she’s free of cares when it comes to what anybody thinks about her. And WTF, because I still cannot figure out what the fuck is going on with those glue-in hair extension.
Betsey brought her carefree WTF style to the CFDA Awards last night. Betsey Johnson gave everyone “getting-her-groove-back grandma” mixed with Janice the Muppet and a side of boxed wine buzz. She’s on vacation from all her worries and troubles and the collection agency that won’t stop calling and demanding payment for that pesky overdue TJ Maxx credit card bill, and she doesn’t care who knows it! Betsey looks like she’s about to climb over the bar at her all-inclusive Mexican resort, grab a bottle of rum and a handful of limes, and smoker-bark over to her friends Buffy, Bambi, and Binky: “See you in the pool!” I want to be this version of Betsey Johnson when I grow up.
Of course, there always has to be a runner-up in the Pageant of Life, and I choose to give that honor to Selma Blair.
If there was some kind of gay
off-track off-stage betting place that specialized in betting on the Tony nominations, I would’ve gone in and put all my money on Hamilton for everything. I would’ve made a profit, because the Tony nominations were announced this morning and to the surprise of absolutely no one, Hamilton swept that bitch up and then some. Hamilton got a total of 16 nominations, which broke the record for the most nominations in the history of the Tonys. So basically, the Tony ceremony is going be nothing but the cast of Hamilton standing on stage in costume as people throw dozens of trophies at their feets.
But other productions were also nominated including the revival of The Color Purple: The Musical with Jennifer Hudson as Shug Avery. The Color Purple got 4 nominations and 2 of those went to JHud’s co-stars (Cynthia Erivo and Danielle Brooks aka Taystee from Orange is the New Black). JHud got nothing. JHud congratulated her co-stars on Twitter, but when one of her followers said she was snubbed, she shrugged. JHud isn’t surprised because she was only hired for her STAH POWER! She quickly deleted her response, but Yahoo! got a screen shot of it:
Pimp Mama Kris read that as, “You don’t need talent, just a famous name to be on Broadway,” and submitted head shots of all of her hos to the casting department of Hamilton.
JHud already has an Oscar and a Grammy, so she’s an E and T away from joining the EGOT Club. If she really wanted a nomination that bad, it would’ve been really easy to get one. All she had to do was crash the stage during a performance of Hamilton and sing like three lines. She would’ve easily gotten a nomination, because like I said, Hamilton got nominated for everything.
If you haven’t seen them already, all of the Tony nominations are after the cut. #TonysSoHamilton!
When two sources “confirmed” that Kerry Washington had another baby growing in her belly yesterday, I made a joke that Kerry would confirm it herself by posing on the red carpet of the Met Gala with her hand placed on her stomach. And last night Kerry Washington hit the Met Gala red carpet with her hand on her stomach. Although I almost didn’t notice that hand because I was too distracted by that purple hair. Mon Dieu (splashes self with holy water), that hair! I am so conflicted. It’s not permanent (Instagram tells me that those are extensions), so that’s good. It sort of looks like the kind of fake hair you’d find on the floor of the Rock of Love Bus, which makes me want to pour myself a hot mug of penicillin. On the other hand, it looks like it was found on the floor of the Rock of Love Bus, which means it’s 100% pure fake hair perfection.
I’ve known some pregnant people, and one thing I’ve gleaned is that sometimes being knocked up makes you do some crazy things. Case in point: the gorgeous black lace boudoir ensemble Kerry is wearing. I feel like non-knocked up Kerry wouldn’t wear that. But knocked up Kerry? Sure! The more black lace the better. Or maybe this is Kerry’s way of paying tribute to Prince. If Prince designed maternity clothes, I’m almost positive that’s what he’d make.
Kerry didn’t exactly do much with the technology theme, but there were a few people who tried. Let’s start with Demi Lovato.
That soft thud you just heard was the sound of Beyonce angrily whipping her Etta James wig across the room.
According to The Wrap, Jennifer Hudson should start doing so neck exercises, because there’s a very good chance she’ll be balancing a giant gray bow hat on it very soon. Academy Award-winner (there goes that wig again) Jennifer Hudson is currently in talks to play Queen of Soul and Empress of Shade Aretha Franklin in an upcoming biopic. Back in the day, Aretha thought Halle Berry should play her, but it sounds like that’s not happening. The biopic, which is currently called The Untitled Aretha Franklin Project, has been in development for a couple of years now and will focus on Aretha’s rise to fame in the ’60s and ’70, and her relationship with her abusive ex-husband Ted White.
So far, nothing has been confirmed, but JHud’s rep isn’t exactly denying that she’s been talking to people from The Untitled Aretha Franklin Project. And considering I don’t remember Aretha releasing any “Great gowns, beautiful gowns” clouds of stank about JHud, I’m going to assume it’s probably a sure thing.
Jennifer Hudson has done Aretha before and done her well, and she sort of looks like Aretha if you squint, but she is lacking in one major area: Aretha’s Tempur-Pedic memory foam titties. If Jennifer is fully committed to a convincing portrayal of Aretha, she’s going to have to go back to Weight Watchers and ask them for all her weight back. Then she’s going to have to go to a surgeon that specializes in weight relocation and have it all stuffed up into her chest. But if she doesn’t want to go under the knife, I’m sure she could always shove two balloons up her shirt, throw some tracking dots around her nipples, and ask the CGI people to add them in later.
After Sex and the City Number Two was called out as a sequined dried turd by most critics and became a Razzie award winner, the show’s creator and the director of the movies Michael Patrick King said that they had one more
bowel movement movie in them and I took that to mean that he really wanted a bigger summer house in the Hamptons.
Even though the second SATC movie, which splattered onto screens in 2010, was a flop in the hearts of many fans and was offensive on every level, it still made almost $300 million worldwide. So of course those bitches have another story to tell. Jennifer Hudson says that story may be told soon, because someone recently talked to her about a third movie. During an interview with Dish Nation (via E!), JHud spilled this:
“I think it might be [happening]. Somebody just came to me talking about that. So if it’s in the talks, it might happen. So look out for your girl Louise from St. Louis.”
In the file folder labeled “Final SATC movie” in Michael Patrick King’s head, I hope there’s a plot summary in there that reads: “The SATC hos watch Rojo Caliente eat an orange for 2 hours straight.” Now THAT is the only SATC movie I want to see.
But really, we all know what the FINAL SATC story is. They all retire and move into a small, three bedroom tract home in Miami and when they’re not getting into hijinks, they’re laughing over
cosmos cheesecake in the kitchen. Carrie will be played by a Bea Arthur hologram, Samantha will be played by a Rue McClanahan hologram, Miranda will be played by an Estelle Getty hologram and Charlotte will be played by a Betty White hologram (the real Betty White doesn’t want any part of that shit).
And does Sarah Jessica Parker really need MORE money? Look at this trick in NYC the other day. She was out for a casual gallop and found a check for $4,700 on the sidewalk. Money just falls at her hooves!