Rachel hates Monica! Just kidding, who could not love a filler-free face like that? However, if Radar is to be believed, Jennifer Aniston does go into an Oedipus Rex RAGE on her eyes when she turns on Netflix looking to catch up on Stranger Things and finds Chelsea Handler’s show instead. The last thing she wants to do is look at that broad humble gloat about her famous friends, because she has been BANISHED from Team Jen (the ORIGINAL squad of all the A-List squads). A source close to Chelsea (definitely her old sidekick, Chuy) said, “Jennifer found out that Chelsea was spilling secrets about her marriage and talking behind her back.” Continue reading
Ben Affleck and his new lady (or old lady, depending on how long you believe they’ve been hooking up) SNL producer Lindsay Shookus were spotted on a date night last night in Los Angeles. They look so happy! I’ve never seen two people more thrilled about getting papped with doggy bags and to-go cups of…what is that, 18 shots of espresso cut with liquid weed? It must be – I mean, look how damn buzzed they look. But it isn’t all red-faced smiles for Lindsay. According to People, shit is really awkward between Lindsay and Ben’s ex-wife Jennifer Garner.
It was only a matter of time before we found out how Jennifer Garner felt about Ben Affleck’s post-divorce relationship with SNL producer Lindsay Shookus. Maybe someday we’ll get to the point where every move Ben makes won’t be later accompanied by: “And now, for Jen’s thoughts on the situation.” But for now, we’re dealing with Jen on Ben and Snookums.
I promise I won’t fill this post with stupid and nonsensical “shook” puns like I did with the last one.
Prepare to be SHOOKus (I lied). When the news of Ben Affleck and his new girlfriend, SNL producer Lindsay Shookus, came out earlier today, X17 said that the two have a history and he was even humping on her while he was dating Jennifer Garner. Multiple sources are now telling both People and UsWeekly that Ben and Lindsay have been boning on the side for years while he was married to Jennifer and she was married to fellow SNL producer Kevin Miller. Somewhere, The Nanny is filling with sadness and is not feeling so special, because she probably thought she was Ben’s lone side trick.
Earlier, Allison did a write-up on People’s cover story about how Jennifer Garner is moving on from Ben Affleck and that he’s the love of her life but she’s happy to be single, blah blah blah. The quotes were all from “insiders” and the article seemed pretty harmless. If I had to rate the offensiveness of People’s article from 13 Going On 30 (not offensive) to Nine Lives (beyond offensive), I’d say it sits firmly on 13 Going On 30. And yes, Nine Lives is Jennifer Garner’s most offensive movie. The cat tries to fuck her! That pussy wants to get some pussy action from her. Jennifer Garner shouldn’t be able to call out People on Facebook, because she should be in jail for engaging in soft-core bestiality porn! But I digress…
That’s great, because I think the rest of us were ready to move on from this drawn-out divorce drama about eight to nine months ago. But first! One more magazine cover about how she’s ready to move on. Jennifer Garner is the star of this week’s issue of People. She may look like she’s trying to sell wrinkle cream or wondering what’s in your wallet, but we’ll never find out what she’s really thinking. She doesn’t technically say anything to People. “Insiders” do the talking about her post-marriage life.