Jennifer Garner, having finally sent her eldest child off to college, has earned the right to have a nice, adult evening out. And she’s done just that. She and her gentleman friend, Robot Burger Man John Miller, went on a date to see Dear Evan Hansen and Jennifer wore a “gray blazer, white button-down shirt and blue jeans, as well as her glasses”. It doesn’t get more grown up than that, folks.
Bennifer 2.0 is no more! Although it seems like it took longer than it took to cram Ben into his Batsuit, the Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner divorce was actually pretty painless and amicable, compared to others we’ve seen. Especially if you ignore that whole waiting for Ben to dry out business (twice!).
According to TMZ, a judge has signed off on the final documents in their divorce, and the two are now single and free to pursue any Playboy Bunnies or Robot Hamburger Men they choose. And they did it all without hiring any lawyers! Well, they did hire Laura Wasser, Divorce Attorney To The Stars, but she only acted as a mediator.
I could not have guessed that when Jennifer Garner finally signed her name on her divorce papers from Ben Affleck, that it would only be a matter of time before I read the headline: “Jennifer Garner dating tech CEO.” I was picturing something more Hallmark channel wholesome, like Jennifer hooking up with a dog walker or an ice cream parlor owner. But she picked a tech CEO, and we’ve got an update on things.
That sneaky Jennifer Garner has been lying to us! The recent reports about what’s been in Jennifer’s wallet only revealed that she was “open to dating”, but it turns out she’s been stuffing condoms in her wallet for the last six months! Us Weekly reports that Jen’s been dating John Miller, a tech CEO who makes hamburger flipping robots for an In-N-Out knockoff called CaliBurger. Sources say “They’ve been together six months — and it’s getting pretty serious”. And to think, this whole time she was throwing us off her trail by driving Ben to Jack In The Box instead!
The ink may still be drying, but Jennifer Garner is officially single and ready to mingle her way to a relationship that maybe requires just a teeny less amount of time being Mama Bear like she was with Ben Affleck as of late. Who can blame her. With all that cash back and travel points she gets from Capital One, she’d be the best girlfriend to have!
No, we swear it this time. It’s real. For heaven’s sake, it’s in People! Having to drive Ben Affleck to rehab again (and empty her car of all of his Jack in the Box wrappers) must have pushed Jennifer Garner to zoom over to her lawyer’s office and scream, “I WANT IT TO READ ‘EX-WIFE JENNIFER GARNER’ NOW!!!”, at the startled receptionist in the lobby. The couple have announced that they’ve finalized their divorce after three years of separation. *sad music*