Good granny C.J. was sick of seeing my mope into my potato salad one Thanksgiving after I broke up with a “girlfriend” one year, so she gave me the sage advice all southern grannies with a filthy mouth offer up: “You’re never gonna get over her until you get under two beefy daddies.” Or something like that. Apparently, Jennifer Aniston was taught the same lesson, because if you can believe a new report, Jen has moved on from Justin Theroux by dating two dudes. Continue reading
I just assumed the first lady-loving First Couple to head to the White House would be Oprah and Gayle King (“Fuck you,” –Cynthia Nixon), but Netflix is apparently more in line with the idea of Rachel Green and Tig Notaro.
This one comes out of the file marked “random, but I’m listening“. Radar reports that Justin Theroux is letting his fingers do the talking and the lady they’re talking to is Selena Gomez. According to Radar’s source, Justin has been flirtatiously texting Selena and has been crushing on her since before his split with Jennifer Aniston. I guess the message “snitches get stitches” never really took in Hollywood.
Jennifer Aniston either doesn’t love herself or she only loves herself. Those are the only explanations I can think of that would explain why she would squander the last shred of her integrity as an artist by signing on to do one of Adam Sandler’s nutsack gag ridden Netflix movies. It’s probably easy money sure but damn, girl. Him? Variety reports that Adam and Jennifer are teaming up again to bring us a Netflix movie called Murder Mystery.
Hopefully 69-year-old Norman Resnicow has a product to plug or a business to shill. Because he’s getting all sorts of spotlight from his ongoing legal battle with his upstairs neighbor, desperate hipster/dick jogger Justin Theroux. You see, Justin and Jennifer Aniston are about to legally become exes, and she’s highly famous, so everybody wants the dirty dirt. Norman’s got you, and he’s also got a lot of love for that nice Jen girl whom he occasionally rolled eyes with over Justin’s latest porkpie hat. Continue reading
Jennifer Aniston has said previously that she is so completely over the “JEN’S BABY JOY!” pregnancy rumor mill. So Jennifer might want to sit this story out, because it’s all about two things she’s not in to: speculation about her marriage to Justin Theroux, and speculation about the vacancy status of her uterus.
People continues to fill in the blanks about Jennifer’s sad, shattered, broken, tear-down of a heart. Or at least what their sources consider to be the missing pieces in the puzzle of their legally-questionable marriage. A source tells People that Jennifer was losing hope of being a mom, and then her gallant hero Sir Justin of Fertile Spermingham galloped into her life. But it didn’t go as planned.
“When Jen met Justin, she had almost given up on the idea that she would have kids,” a source close to Aniston tells People. “They wanted to have a baby, but it didn’t work out.”
The source claims that Jennifer and Justin started making baby plans shortly after they got engaged in 2012. After almost six years later, nothing happened. But the source says that Jennifer was “sad it never happened,” but adds that it never consumed her.
Jennifer is extremely rich, and when you’re rich you have a lot of options, so I’m sure she’d have a kid if she wanted one by now. But now I can’t help but picture what their baby would have looked like. All I know is that Justin looks like he’s got pretty dominant DNA, and no one should have been surprised if that baby popped out with a teeny-tiny cool dude chain necklace or an itty-bitty leather wrist cuff.