Lena Dunham has said 9.6 billion times that she’s proud of her body and doesn’t care what people think of it. What she does care about is when someone tries to mess with a picture of her body in post-production. Lena has slapped at magazines in the past when she thinks they’ve pulled a cut-and-paste fast one on her body. This time she’s clapping long and loud for Glamour magazine for choosing to not Photoshop out her cellulite.
When two sources “confirmed” that Kerry Washington had another baby growing in her belly yesterday, I made a joke that Kerry would confirm it herself by posing on the red carpet of the Met Gala with her hand placed on her stomach. And last night Kerry Washington hit the Met Gala red carpet with her hand on her stomach. Although I almost didn’t notice that hand because I was too distracted by that purple hair. Mon Dieu (splashes self with holy water), that hair! I am so conflicted. It’s not permanent (Instagram tells me that those are extensions), so that’s good. It sort of looks like the kind of fake hair you’d find on the floor of the Rock of Love Bus, which makes me want to pour myself a hot mug of penicillin. On the other hand, it looks like it was found on the floor of the Rock of Love Bus, which means it’s 100% pure fake hair perfection.
I’ve known some pregnant people, and one thing I’ve gleaned is that sometimes being knocked up makes you do some crazy things. Case in point: the gorgeous black lace boudoir ensemble Kerry is wearing. I feel like non-knocked up Kerry wouldn’t wear that. But knocked up Kerry? Sure! The more black lace the better. Or maybe this is Kerry’s way of paying tribute to Prince. If Prince designed maternity clothes, I’m almost positive that’s what he’d make.
Kerry didn’t exactly do much with the technology theme, but there were a few people who tried. Let’s start with Demi Lovato.
Charli XCX, who you may remember as the Tai to Iggy Azalea’s Cher, has been slowly inching her way into the Red Carpet Fuckery Hall of Fame for a while now. She’s slithered onto the red carpet looking like sloppy n’ slutty Morticia Addams. She showed up to last year’s Grammys looking like a rode-hard put-away-wrecked Super Star Ken doll.
And last night she proved she still really really wants a permanent spot in the Most Committed wing by sashaying onto the red carpet of the amfAR New York Gala looking like a picture of your messiest cousin from her first wedding in 1992 right before she threw a glass of wine in the groom’s face during a slow-dance to “Secret Lovers.”
During the red carpet portion of the Golden Globes last night (aka the part where I double-check that I have enough cans of Wine O’Clock to make it through the night), Chip and Dale’s long-lost sister Lena Dunham admitted to wealthy elf Ryan Seacrest that she would not be following the evening’s events on Twitter, because she had deleted it. Sort of a weird choice for someone who really likes to share everything with the world. But Lena explains that she did it because she was tired of people using their 140 characters to hiss rudeness at her:
“I deleted Twitter because I’m trying to create a safer space for myself emotionally. People threaten my life and tell me what a cow I am, so I decided I was going to [cut that out]. So I check it occasionally, but it’s not the same co-dependence that Twitter and I once shared. There’s a lot of people I love on Twitter, but unfortunately you can’t read those without reading deranged neocons telling you you should be buried under a pile of rocks.”
Ryan then responded “You should see what they say about me.” I’m sorry Ryan, but if you didn’t want people dragging you online, you should have never released the Hooker Kraken (the Kardashians) unto the world.
If I was getting non-stop death threats, I’d probably delete Twitter too. The only problem, Lena didn’t exactly delete it. In fact, she Tweeted a clarification shortly after to confirm that she only sort of deleted it:
That sounds like a system I could use in my own life. As someone whose tweets are riddled with spelling mistakes and really aggressive all-caps rants (“HAM SANDWACHES CAN SUCK MY ASS“), I could use a proof-tweeter. Then again, they’d probably quit after my third Tweet about Bruce Jenner. I don’t blame them.
And the only clarification tweet I really needed from Lena Dunham was the one explaining to my dumb ass what a “deranged neocon” is. Is it an evil Transformer? It’s a Transformer, right? Yeah, I should read more. Here’s more of Lena at the Golden Globes last night looking 900% less like a melting cake than she did at the Emmys, as well as the other girls from Girls.