Category: JC Chasez

Sorry, Elton, But Lance Bass Had The Biggest Star-Studded Gay Wedding Of The Weekend

December 21, 2014 / Posted by:

This weekend truly did belong to the gay wedding and the weekend isn’t over yet so I could get married to my Anderson Cooper cutout in the drive-thru driveway of an In-N-Out. Stay tuned.

Before Lance Bass married his piece of 3 years Michael Turchin at the Park Plaza Hotel in L.A. last night, he Instagrammed that picture along with the caption:

Today I marry the man of my dreams. He makes me smile; he makes my heart melt; he makes me….me.
#LanceLovesMichael

Judging by that picture, I think Lance meant to type: “Today Michael is lucky enough to marry the man of his and my dreams. I make him smile. I make me smile. I make his heart melt. I make my heart melt. #MichaelLovesLance #LanceLovesLance.” I mean, nothing says mutual love like a picture of Lance Bass loving himself in front of the camera while his man worships his chin and hangs onto him like some accessory. But seriously…

Elton John had David Beckham and Lulu at his wedding and that’s nice and everything, but Lance Bass’ wedding was a truly star-studded event! The Who’s Who of WHO? was there including JC Chasez, Joey Fatone, Chris Kirkpatrick, Lisa Vanderpump (who dragged her tortured fur accessory with her), Pimp Mama Kris, Gabourey Sidibe, AJ McClean, melting wax puppet Robin Antin, Martyn Lawrence Bullard from Million Dollar Decorators, Christina Applegate, Jason Collins and Jamie-Lynn Sigler who co-officiated the ceremony with JoAnna Garcia Swisher.

Justin Timberlake couldn’t make it, because: a) He probably thinks he’s too good for that shit and; b) He had to work. He’s on tour.

People says that guests were told to dress like they were “going to a royal wedding at the MET Ball.” I don’t really know what that means, but after looking at the pictures of what the guests were wearing I’m guessing it means look as messy and tacky as possible. The wedding was designed by planner Sharon Sacks who did Kim Kartrashian and Kris Humphries’ wedding and also did Kim Kartrashian and Kanye’s wedding.

Lance and Michael’s wedding was shot for an E! special titled Lance Loves Michael: The Lance Bass Wedding. It will air in February. Oh God, Lance, what are you doing?! He gets married in front of E!’s cameras, used Kim Kartrashian’s wedding planner and invited Pimp Mama Kris?! That’s one way for Lance Bass to guarantee that his marriage doesn’t last more than 72 days.

Pics: Splash, FameFlynet

Celebrities Are Just Like Us: The Chris Kirkpatrick Edition

November 3, 2013 / Posted by:

If you’re anything like me, you started your morning out sitting somewhere in a daze, desperately reaching for the coffee maker from across the room like some kind of bunkassed Jedi while inviting Daylight Saving Time to blow you. Reading that Chris Kirkpatrick got married and watching some old N’SYNC videos on YouTube is doing a better job breathing life into me than coffee ever could. Between the TLC-wore-it-better satin pajamas, Justin’s moldy Top Ramen hair, JC dry humping a padded cell and Lance Bass as a chick magnet, this is better than caffeine.

Anyway, fifth runner up in a 1998 spring break Adam Duritz lookalike contest Chris married Karly Skladany on Saturday with all his band members in attendance. Loose-lipped Lance (also his Craigslist username) gave a few details about the wedding during his XM Satellite radio show Dirty Pop (via USWeekly) on October 29, including Chris having little interest in the “finer things”, resulting in the renting of Joey-Fatone-size-fits-all tuxedos.

“What’s really hilarious to me is that we went to get fitted for our tuxes at Men’s Warehouse — and he got us the cheapest tuxes there he could possibly get, which I think is so Chris and very lovely,” Bass revealed during his show. “I mean that’s just who he is.”

He joked: “I think its hilarious to know that Justin Timberlake is going to be in a Men’s Warehouse tux ushering the wedding.”

Translation:

“Chris is a cheap ass motherfucker and should know I don’t get out of bed for less than Armani! The only good part about this crap is knowing Timberlake will be at the reception, busting out the Electric Slide in rented pants steeped in so much dried groomsman ball sweat, no amount of dry cleaning will ever get it out.”

Weddings these days seem so over the top and self-indulgent, knowing someone had a shitload of money to spend and didn’t is a nice change of pace. Looking at you, Kanye. All this wedding really needed to be successful was some floor-clearing “Bye Bye Bye” marionette choreography, Justin doing an impromptu “Dick In A Box” performance while grinding on Chris’s grandma, and the always classy Reichen Lehmkuhl crashing the open bar, declaring his love for Lance and being forcefully removed from the premises by Jessica Biel.

(Pic via Twitter)

Break Out The L.A. Looks Gel, ‘N Sync Is Reuniting At The VMAs (Maybe)

August 20, 2013 / Posted by:

I should’ve warned you to put on a pair of goggles and a mouth mask before staring at that picture, because now you’ve probably got L.A. Looks gel crusties stuck to your eyeballs and you’re choking on a cloud of White Rain hairspray fumes.

Millions of 20-somethings and 30-somethings are recovering this morning after the teenager inside of them blew up while reading about how ‘N Sync may reunite at the MTV VMAs this Sunday. Justin Timberlake is getting the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award and Page Six says that during his performance, Lance Bass, JC Chasez, Chris Kirkpatrick and Joey Fatone will sashay out for an ‘N Sync reunion. ‘N Sync all hung out together on Friday night at Justin’s show in Miami, so that means their reunion is TOTALLY going to happen or Lance, JC, Chris and Joey were only there for the open bar.

I am all for this reunion, but only if they reunite with those outfits and hairstyles too. Justin needs to break up with Keratin and bring back his uncooked Ramen noodle hair and JC needs to remind George Clooney who the true King of the 90s Caesar Cut was. And I really miss Lance Bass looking like a middle-aged lesbian comedian from the 90s who never really made it and always accuses Ellen DeGeneres of stealing her life! And those pajama tops….. and Joey Fatone’s gorgeous brunette angel wing bangs. I am lost in this picture and could go on and on…

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