Chris and Jay
Sitting in a Tree
First Comes Love
(Mieka, “A Love Song for Jay and Chris”)
While the New York Times keeps its snooty ostrich head in the sand, waiting until the twins (pictured above, performing with Beyoncé at the 2017 Grammys) have graduated college before they report this, E! is spilling all the honey from the Beyhive. Sit down, everybody, because we have the next steps of royal succession!
Girls do run the world in the Carter household, because Rumi Carter is next in line after Blue Ivy. The newest girl Beyoffspring was the first of the twins to do that annoying “Single Ladies” shimmy out of ‘Yonce. Rumi popped out at 5:13AM on June 13 and her bother Sir arrived a minute later.
Because they couldn’t figure out what albums to plug into the kids’ names this go-round (Lemonade Magna Carta seems ostentatious, even for Jay and Bey standards), the new duo isn’t getting middle names (“Nyah nyah! Mom and Dad love you less!” –Blue Ivy in three years). Don’t fret, Sir and Rumi! There are two of you, and one of her. Just ask Mom about Auntie Michelle, and we’ll see who gets the last laugh.
When Beyonce released Lemonade, she heavily implied that Jay-Z might have been two-timing her. Then Jay-Z released his own couples counseling diary of an album, 4:44, and he more than just implied he was hard knocking the life out of other women. Jay-Z wasn’t done talking about how he’s a shitty dude who did his wife dirty. Taking more than one hit must have been one of the conditions set in the Solange Agreement of 2014.
It’s been a rough week for light-skinned brothers with alleged side-chicks and the nickname “Bae”. Earlier this week the so called “Prison Bae” got busted cheating on his wife and is now facing a divorce. Today, even hotter Bae, “Woke Bae” Jesse Williams has opened up about his divorce from wife and partner of 13 years, real estate professional Aryn Drake-Lee.
Thanks to Jay-Z, Jesse was able to express his frustration at media’s handling of the ongoing and sad divorce and custody battle between him and his wife by way of Jay Z’s musical mea culpa 4:44. Accompanying the album is an 11 minute video called Footnotes for 4:44 which features Jesse and his thoughts on the media’s speculation into his private affairs.
Most five-year-olds spend their days playing with toys, watching cartoons, scheming new sneaky ways to get their hands on sugar, and battling their arch nemesis – shoelaces. But Blue Ivy Carter isn’t your average five-year-old. For one thing, she’s the type of rich that means she doesn’t have to deal with tying her shoes (she probably has a robot to do that for her). She’s also the daughter of two very famous entertainers, which means it would only be a matter of time before she debuted her skills on one of her parent’s albums.
Jay-Z (the hyphen is back, right?) dropped his new album, 4:44, (aka Lemonade 2: Yep, I Fucked Around On Her) this week. In addition to utilizing his shaky marriage to keep the millions rolling in, 4:44 also addresses the state of his friendship and business partnership with former frequent collaborator and eternally stressed-out rapper, Kanye West. In an onstage rant near the end of his last (prematurely cancelled) tour, he went off on Jay, Beyonce, and their music streaming service Tidal. Kanye has a financial stake in it. Jay-Z alludes to this situation in one of the tracks on 4:44 and not in a positive way (unless describing someone as “insane“ is a friendly gesture).