Jared Leto is pretty much the most authentic American we have right now, so it makes perfect sense that he’s undertaking the sacred American rite (for white dudes) of hitchhiking across the country in service of his art. James Franco is livid! Jared’s band 30 Seconds to Mars has an album coming out titled America, which is presumably American themed thus prompting Jared’s journey into the heart of darkness. Jared talked about the trip with “America’s host” on On The Air With Ryan Seacrest.
At the 2018 MusiCares Person Of The Year Honoring Fleetwood Mac event on Saturday night, Jared Leto sashayed onto the red carpet in a look that was an homage to different religions and cults. Jared paid homage to Christianity with that Jesus-like mop. He paid homage to Charles Manson with that overgrown pube beard from hell. He paid homage to Scientology with those Tom Cruise-approved Cha Cha heels. And he paid homage to one of my religions, Elvira in Scarface, by wearing a casual pants version of the impeccable white suit she wore.
For a while now, Jared Leto hasn’t been leaving his house without looking like Gucci just blew a fat, sloppy, ugly clown load all over him. But on Saturday night, everyone at Gucci cried while holding each other and wondering what they did wrong, because their #1 bitch cheated on their asses by wearing neck-to-toe Helmut Lang!!! But Gucci shouldn’t be too sad, I’m sure Jared will be back in their grandma wallpaper-covered arms soon. Since Jared was at an event honoring Fleetwood Mac, he probably thought he should do himself up in 70s Mick Fleetwood drag. Although, that white suit is only something Mick Fleetwood would wear if his first husband dumped him for a younger piece and he joined forces with other scorned first wives to open up a crisis center for women in Manhattan.
Last night the MTV European Music Awards AKA “The Who Dats” were held at Wembley Arena in London. While you might not recognize most of the names and faces of the attendees in the gallery below, what they lack in universal recognition they more than make up for in European je Ne sais quoi with their looks (see: Petite Meller, above). However, some familiar names creamed their way to the top of the list of notable looks that make make no damn sense in any language.
Brett Ratner has been exposed as “Alleged Hollywood Perv Mogul #1,403,” and it’s already affecting his career. Brett has been accused by six women (including actresses Olivia Munn and Natasha Henstridge) of sexual harassment and/or assault. In the newly begun “Age of Eff This Shit, Expose These Sleazy Bastards,” any hint of non-consensual foolery renders your future career prospects nil. Method-actor extraordinaire Jared Leto’s no fool (despite whatever that Joker portrayal was), which is why Deadline reports that he’s claiming that he never actually signed on to the planned Ratner-directed Hugh Hefner bio-pic. Jared is making like Brett’s supposed former squeeze Mariah Carey and going with the “I don’t know
that project her.” defense. Continue reading
I Can’t Wait To Hear About The Stupid Method Shit That Jared Leto Is Going To Do While Playing Hugh Hefner
It hasn’t even been a week since Hugh Hefner’s corpse moved next door to Marilyn Monroe’s corpse (in possibly related news, Marilyn Monroe’s corpse requested a crypt change), but Hollywood is already making moves to bring his biopic to the big screen. Brett Ratner (who directed the Rush Hour movies and who jacked his shrimp dick to Olivia Munn while eating actual shrimp) has been trying to get a Hugh Hefner biopic made for almost ten years. It’s now one step closer to happening, because the only actor who has truly ever acted Jared Leto has signed on to slip into some silk pajamas to play Hugh Hefner. This is great news for ophthalmologists, because they’re going to get a ton of new business from people who break their eye muscles from rolling them so hard while listening to how method Jared got to play Hef.
Hollywood urban legends abound. Was there really a ghost in Three Men and A Baby? Did Richard Gere really put gerbils up his ass? Did Jared Leto really gift his castmates with used condoms? We may never know the truth about the first two but Jared would like to set the record straight on the latter as well as other reports of his OTT method methods. According to Jared, no actual condoms were used in the making of Suicide Squad gift bags… to his knowledge (*cue Joker cackle*).