I Can’t Wait To Hear About The Stupid Method Shit That Jared Leto Is Going To Do While Playing Hugh Hefner
It hasn’t even been a week since Hugh Hefner’s corpse moved next door to Marilyn Monroe’s corpse (in possibly related news, Marilyn Monroe’s corpse requested a crypt change), but Hollywood is already making moves to bring his biopic to the big screen. Brett Ratner (who directed the Rush Hour movies and who jacked his shrimp dick to Olivia Munn while eating actual shrimp) has been trying to get a Hugh Hefner biopic made for almost ten years. It’s now one step closer to happening, because the only actor who has truly ever acted Jared Leto has signed on to slip into some silk pajamas to play Hugh Hefner. This is great news for ophthalmologists, because they’re going to get a ton of new business from people who break their eye muscles from rolling them so hard while listening to how method Jared got to play Hef.
Hollywood urban legends abound. Was there really a ghost in Three Men and A Baby? Did Richard Gere really put gerbils up his ass? Did Jared Leto really gift his castmates with used condoms? We may never know the truth about the first two but Jared would like to set the record straight on the latter as well as other reports of his OTT method methods. According to Jared, no actual condoms were used in the making of Suicide Squad gift bags… to his knowledge (*cue Joker cackle*).
Jared Leto is back to playing the character the was born to play; self-serious method actor/singer/Zoolander reject Jared Leto!
In preparation for his upcoming role in the Blade Runner sequel, Blade Runner 2049, Jared went all-in on playing an evil, blind robutt maker by blinding himself for the duration of the shoot. According to a recent interview with the film’s director Denis Villeneuve, didn’t nobody ask him to do all that.
Joker movies are breeding like rabbits these days, with THREE of those suckers in the pipeline. Meanwhile, I’m still waiting on the first Ambiguously Gay Duo movie to hit the screen, and, no, I’m not talking about a VHS tape of me and the other guy in my sixth grade class who also happened to show up to our piano recital dressed up as the Phantom of the Opera.
The news that Warner Bros. wants Leonardo DiCaprio to replace him as the Joker must have hit Jared Leto pretty hard. Because he took to the stage yesterday at a Berlin gig wearing an ensemble that is even more eclectic than usual for him. That is some visual ennui right there. Leave me alone, I’ve got my house turban on and I’m wrapped in the rug that I stole from the lobby of the Wilderness Lodge at Walt Disney World!
Is he your nana feeling chilly before she leaves for the beauty salon? Did his band, 30 Seconds To Mars, release a concept album about thrift store shopping? Who knows. But Jordan Catalano can still do no wrong in my mom’s eyes. Ever since Angela Chase remarked about how soft his hair was at the back of his head, my mom has thought he was the dreamiest. She’d accept the turban and whatever else he found at a dilapidated gift shop in Santa Fe.
It’s AMAZING what you can find on Google by merely typing in “bad Joker cosplay.” Hollywood is desperately trying to forget Jared Leto’s portrayal of the Joker as an annoying Manic Panic addict with a melanin deficiency in the execrable Suicide Squad. Warner Bros. is trying to make a Todd Phillips-directed origin story for the Joker, and Martin Scorsese is reportedly on board to executive-produce it (!!!) in hopes of a quality, classy production. Both Variety and The Hollywood Reporter are claiming that they want Victoria’s Secret model vetter and frequent Scorsese collaborator Leonardo DiCaprio in the lead. This flick was supposed to feature a “young” pre-Joker. Have they changed the synopsis to a forty-something dude who decides to bedevil Batman as a solution to his midlife crisis? Continue reading