Princess Ayako, the 28-year-old daughter of Prince and Princess Takamado got married today, but it wasn’t to a fellow blue blood. She married 32-year-old Japanese businessman Kei Moriya. However, unlike the British royal family, which would probably let you get married to the Domino’s delivery guy and still keep your title (hey, he’s probably better behaved than most of the actual family), slumming it with a rich businessman means your title gets snatched in Japan. Wikipedia already did the honors, but it also poses a risk for the longevity of the imperial family – only 17 members remain!
You know how sometimes you’d go on a first date and you and the dude couldn’t find anywhere to bone, so you’d rent a private room at a karaoke place and give him a sloppy hand job while he sang out “Blister In The Sun”? Well, Japan has made a game show out of that, because Japan!
On the Japanese late-night adult channel game show Sing What Happens, dudes have to sing every note of a song they’ve memorized while a chick in a nurse costume tugs on his peen. The dude can’t miss a lyric and has to hit each note perfectly while Nurse Handjob tries to squeeze an orgasm out of him. If the dude busts one before the song is over, he loses. But if he makes it all the way and sings the song to perfection, he gets money and a bunch of other prizes. Dangerous Minds says that sometimes the nurse uses her feet. (That sound you hear is Quentin Tarantino furiously swimming to Japan right now.)
This makes me think of that other Japanese game show where straight dude porn stars tried not to cum while getting sucked off by a gay guy. (Surprisingly, the name of that show wasn’t A Mouth Is A Mouth or Just A Regular Night At The Scientology Bath House.) Japan truly knows what people want in a game show. We want handjobs and dick sucking. Take note, America! But you know, I bet Ryan Seacrest has taken note and at this very moment his assistant is searching for a nurse uniform in his size while he pitches the American version of Sing What Happens starring him to the networks.
The truth is, the guys in the long ass clip below are amateurs. I mean, Kanye West can rap while jacking himself off and fisting his butt at the same time. He does it every time he performs. Take that, Japan!