Open Post: Hosted By Janet Jackson Keeping It Together Even Though There’s A Giant Goddamn Cleaver In Her Topknot
You know you’re a professional diva when one of your jealous enemies tries to dim your beauty and moment by taking a motherfuckin’ cleaver to your head, and you don’t even blink. You turn that weapon into a look! Although, Janet’s face is so snatched that even if she wanted to blink from having a cleaver in her head, I don’t think she could.
Some Disney villainess’ closet is missing a club outfit today and that’s because Janet Jackson stole it and wore it to OUT Magazine #OUT100 gala in NYC last night. It looks like Miss Janet’s stylist threw every fabric found in the goth section at Mood onto her body before pushing her out onto that carpet. This is the perfect look to wear if you’re a warrior queen who by night fights vampires next to Kate Beckinsale in the Underworld universe, and by morning time travels back to 1996 to hit up the goth clubs.
And I don’t think Janet is going to have her live-in plastic surgeon remove that cleaver. That’s what her enemies want. She’s going to bedazzle that bitch with real diamonds and make it her signature look.
Janet Jackson Might Be Open To Performing At The Super Bowl With Justin Timberlake (But Probably Not)
Janet Jackson needs to get her sources in order because they are sending mixed signals. After it was announced that Justin Timberlake will do the Pepsi Super Bowl LII Halftime Show in February, America erupted with a collective cry of “but what about Janet?” It’s impossible to mentally separate JT, halftime and Janet’s nipple. It’s like trying to look at Jermaine Dupri without seeing Rudy Huxtable. Naturally, folks started to speculate that Janet might actually show up as a surprise guest. But would she? Could she? Choochie coo? Depends on who you ask.
I guess the NFL has had its fill of controversy this season, because People confirms that “good boy” Goldendoodle, Justin Timberlake, will in fact provide the halftime show entertainment at the 2018 Super Bowl on February 4 in Minneapolis. Justin announced the big news last night a video of him and NBC “good boy” chocolate lab, Jimmy Fallon humping each other at dog park with glee.
This news is making me very excited. If that picture above proves anything, it’s that Janet Jackson was clearly at her best, fashion-wise, during the Jermaine Dupri years. Meanwhile, this news is probably making Jermaine Dupri very excited because it’s the first time in a while that his name has been trending and it has nothing to do with being broke.
Janet and Jermaine dated from 2002 to 2009. Four years later she got married to Wissam Al Mana, a relationship which has morphed into a messy divorce and custody battle. According to Bossip, Janet is drying her tears on Jermaine’s shoulder (her poor back must be so sore from bending over that low).
Sources claim that Janet and Jermaine have “recently reunited” and that things are “heating back up.” Janet is currently on her State of the World Tour. Bossip points out that Jermaine was in Los Angeles on Sunday night for VH1 Hip-Hop Honors, and that Janet is scheduled to perform in Anaheim on Saturday.
Janet and Jermaine haven’t been a thing in eight years. I hope it’s not awkward for either of them, especially when it comes to the subject of Jermaine’s giant Janet tattoo. I don’t know if his tattoo still looks the same or if he attempted to make it look less like Janet. But I really hope for his sake that he didn’t. Because literally the only way he could have changed it was to add wrinkles and claim it was a tattoo of Emperor Palpatine, and that’s bound to be an awkward conversation.
The Jackson family’s collection of lawyers might not want to plan any holidays in the next couple of months – er, you know what? Better make it years. Because Janet Jackson is currently on what could potentially be a terrible mess of a custody journey with her estranged husband Wissam Al Mana.
Lo and behold, it looks LaToya Jackson and her magic magnifying glass won’t be needed to solve The Mystery of Janet’s Missing Tour. Against all odds (I’m pretty sure Vegas odds were 1 billion-to-1 that it was actually going to relaunch), Janet Jackson kicked off the first show of her new and improved tour last night. And it wasn’t even a contractually-obligated performance, either. Janet put some Miss Jacksonifyanasty into it!