The Grammys red carpet always looks like an intergalactic space orgy sprinkled with a bunch of random rappers who just rolled out of bed with barely enough time to grab their grill from the bedside table thrown in for good measure. Every year, it’s a mess. Plus you’ve always got legitimate superstars mixed in with a whole lot whosits and whateverhappenedtos. This year’s Grammy red carpet was no exception. I’m trying to sift through some of these looks, and honestly don’t know where to begin.
At This Performance Of Omaha Community Theater’s Production Of “Perestroika,” The Role Of The Angel Will Be Played By…
Pro tip: If you’re going to a party dressed like an intergalactic go-go dancing angel complete with ten hundred foot wide wings and you have to travel in a convertible since your ass can’t fit in a regular car, make sure that convertible is working right. Or else your big grand dramatic entrance will turn into a scene from the saddest parade ever:
Taylor Swift wasn’t at the Met Gala last night, but I’m sure that earlier in the night, she was in front of Katy’s hotel taking some pliers to that car’s wires as Olivia Benson and Meredith Grey played lookout.
I remember when I came out to my cousin and one of my best friends. I was super nervous and thought they would immediately shut their love off then run me out of town with sticks and torches (because apparently I lived in a medieval village in 1999). That didn’t happen. They both looked at me like “Meh.” And you know what, that’s what everyone’s coming out should be like because who gives a fuck? And in the tradition of 2018’s themes of “representation and visibility” Janelle Monae has finally put an end to the rumors of whether or not she likes to take a dip in the Lady Pond during an interview with Rolling Stone. Tessa Thompson’s grinding partner came out as the q (queer), p (pansexual) and f (free-ass motherfucker) in LGBTQPF.
Janelle Monae has a new album, Dirty Computer (aka the first words that a Genius Bar tech says after opening my laptop and seeing what I’ve got saved on my desktop), coming out in April, and yesterday she released the first two songs and videos from it. Janelle put out Django Jane, and Make Me Feel, which sounds like a B-side written by a pre-Jehovah’s Witness Prince when he was a proud raunchy ass horny ho and not afraid to let the world know it. In other words, I love it.
“Annihilation” Stars Natalie Portman And Jennifer Jason Leigh Responded To The Whitewashing Criticism
Oopsie daisy! Somebody let a book reading nerd into a press junket for the upcoming sci-fi movie Annihilation starring Natalie Portman and Jennifer Jason Leigh. Much to their surprise, said nerd from Yahoo Entertainment let Natalie and Jennifer know they they just received lifetime memberships into club Hollywood Whitewash! And it’s a terrible club where they serve grocery store sushi and Justin Timberlake and Macklemore are in constant rotation.
If you’re sick and tired of hearing the overused screams of “YASSSSS QUEEN” then do yourself a favor and skip this post because the the purple carpet at the Black Panther premiere last night was shouting it from the mountain top! Every little phrase we’ve stolen from drag culture is appropriate here. I am gagged and my wig is snatched. Yes, they all did jump from there.